Not coping well with Adjusting to Adult Stepkids
Hello everyone, I have been reading this forum hoping to gain some insight into the minds of my soon to be stepkids (still not comfortable saying that word yet). A little background info first: FI and I have been together for almost 6 years now and the conditions when we first started dating were not the best, he was still married (but seperated) and his divorce was not final until well into the relationship. His two sons have never really cared for me which was completely understandable and I never forced a relationship with them. There is a 20 yr age difference between FI and I and his oldest son is only 4 years younger than me. However over the past year it was beginning to improve.
FI and I finally decided to move intogether in April of this year. I was hesitant since I have been use to it just being my 10 yr old and I, but since we have our wedding planned for February 2014 I thought it was time to co-habitate. Well I moved into the house that FI shared with his ex and their boys. The youngest son moved back home a few months before I came into the house due to financial reasons. I knew that it would be a huge adjustment all the way around due to the main fact that I was use to my OWN space and that didn't include sharing it with anyone but my own child. There were a few differences along the way but nothing too horrible.
A month ago his oldest (who is married with two kids of his own & struggles with substance abuse issues) came around stating that he and his family were homeless with nowhere to go. Since we have a nice size house we let them stay there and offered to help them get a place. We have stated that it was only tempary and that they both had to get jobs. I was able to pull a few strings and got him a job working for a friend of mine while she is still at the house all day long laying around and not really watching the kids. I come home to messes and dirty looks, no one really talks to me and I feel like an intruder in my own home now. FI gets upset that I complain to him (I know I should take my complaints to them but I really don't want to make the situation more uncomfortable than it already is). I don't think that I can handle much more of this and would be willing to hear any coping suggestions anyone has to offer. I want to be someone who they can talk to but more than anything I want to be respected in the home that I share with FI.