Step Talk

serenity_now_2007August 28, 2008

Have any of you ever wandered over to steptalk.org to browse their forums?

I gotta tell you, now THAT is a bunch of b**chy insecure ignorant control-freak SM's.

Every last step-parent on HERE is 12 infinities more enlightened, aware, sensitive and mature and with a healthy sense of ego than that bunch over there. Even the most hard-line-toeing "my way or the highway" posts on here show far more concern for fairness and decency for all involved in a blended family (even if I don't always agree with where the poster is coming from or where they're going with their logic). So what I'm saying (as an adult stepchild, no less) is this: hats off to all the Gardenweb SMs!!!

Seriously, y'all should browse some of the bile being slung around over there, most of it is apalling. Granted, I'm sure a lot of it is "all talk" or just unadulterated venting, but still... we all should be thankful for the level of (relative) maturity, insight and actually constructive dialogue we have in this forum.

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fiveinall

I have never been there...but now youve got me curious..I will have to go check it out!

    Bookmark   August 28, 2008 at 2:53PM
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steptalkmember

"HERE is 12 infinities more enlightened, aware, sensitive and mature"

Well maybe the rest of them but that statement proves that you're not.

Before judging ANYONE maybe you should read their blogs or try walking a mile in their shoes.

I have you know that multiple people you talk to here are the SAME people on steptalk.

It's like my mother said, "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all"

    Bookmark   August 30, 2008 at 9:21PM
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finedreams

I was actually going to say that those might be the same people who post here. Different format allows different ways of experession. ha I have read couple of posts there, and some of them are no different than what i see here. But some are terrible like a woman (NCP, EOW, SM)who spanks her SKs and then is upset she gets reported to CPS. If any SM would touch my DD, I would make sure that she never sees my DD again and certainly never comes around any children. People are very supportive of her on steptalk. I think on GW people would not condone spanking stepchildren.

    Bookmark   August 30, 2008 at 11:20PM
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organic_maria

I would never spank someone elses kids! What is she thinking!??? Its like taking a neighbours kid and spanking them. You have no right to do that and if someone did that to my child i'ld personally see they're arm is broken! just figure of speech but you know what i mean.
I'm a stepchild too and my SM never laid a hand on me

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 11:05AM
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nivea

Heh, I read sporadically over there with disgust until I saw the post where an EOW stepmom called her 4 year old stepdaughter a b!tch for normal behavior.

And not one step talk member said a word to that poster....In fact, some posters encouraged that stepmom to limit the visitations of the 4 year old with Dad. And I really need to add ------ for NORMAL 4 year old behavior.

I'm sure there are some posters who cross-post, the difference is that that sort of nonsense would get banned from here. Which is kind of ironic considering gardenweb is significantly less moderated than steptalk.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 11:32PM
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anne8102

You all are right, Right, RIGHT! I have been a member at StepTalk for almost two years and I can tell you that it has turned into an absolute cesspool of negativity, especially in recent months. It used to be a place to exchange moral support, helpful tips, well-intentioned advice and positive reinforcement, but today? Not so much. That's why a bunch of us left StepTalk to form our own website, a site where such ugliness and personal attacks are not tolerated, and we took the creme of StepTalk's crop with us when we left. A few "good folks" remain over there, but for the most part, all that's left are bitter people who would rather dwell on and spread their misery instead of taking positive steps to improve their situations.

I have posted that I actually love my stepchildren and enjoy their visits, that I miss them when they are gone and love having them in my home, and was rewarded with a barrage of hateful, venomous replies. Positive, hopeful messages are no longer welcome on StepTalk, and that's what I left. I had hoped that StepTalk Admin would take charge and stamp down the hatespeak, but they have not and I just cannot read one more post from one more stepmother who hates her stepchildren. It makes me sick.

Here is a link that might be useful: Step Lively

    Bookmark   September 1, 2008 at 9:56AM
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lisa22222

I saw that site and have to agree with serenity_now_2007 . It's an awful site full of immature, nasty posters who seem only concerned to make the life of their stepkids miserable and justify their selfish behavior to their families and stepkids. Very bossy, mean posts, immature attitude all around from what I saw on the blogs and forums. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
My plan is to
stay away from the site as I don't want to learn how to be like them.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2009 at 2:22PM
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lovehadley

Ok, now you have sparked my curiousity...I am going to go lurk and see what everyone is talking about!

I do think our forum here is a pretty solid, reasonable and well-rounded group of people.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2009 at 2:35PM
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gerina

Wow!!! I checked out the site and it is vile. KKNY would have a field day with them and sadly she would be right. I don't think many of the SP's on this site are at like the folk's on Step Talk. The posts I read didn't have the best interest of the kids at heart nor family dynamics :o(

    Bookmark   April 25, 2009 at 11:08PM
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lisa22222

I agree gerina, mostly vile stepmothers all looking to justify themselves and selfishness. From reading the posts on the site, seems many bitter because they made a poor choice in who they married and otherwise stuck, too lazy and unintelligent to do much about the problems they come to face.

Did ya noticed the screen names ? mostly all of witches ;) guess because they are. lol

serenity_now_2007 is right that the mood of the forum is that of a bunch of b**chy insecure ignorant control-freaks.

Maybe that site would be appealing to those who had the emotional maturity of a 14 year old ;)

I'll stay out of there because I don't care to learn to be like them.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2009 at 10:05AM
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finedreams

I browsed that site. Bizzare stuff. My "favorite" post was from SM who decided (yes SHE decided) to tell her SKs about their mother's sexual orientation. BM is not out of the closet (even if some people might know it doesn't mean being out). Outing a homosexual against their will or without their permission is considered a very serious offense, it can cause a person problems at work and in the community. I have to say though that most people told OP to not do it. she was pretty convinced though that she is going to sit two teenagers down and tell them about their mom (don't know for what reason). Terrible. If she does that i hope mom sues her for defamation of character.

but there are worse sites. I don't remember which one was that, but I remember SM said she beat SKs up and now there are charges against her and dad was about to lose custody. And other posters all supported her and blamed BM for filing charges and saying what is the big deal you belted them, what is the fuss about. Ugh?

    Bookmark   April 26, 2009 at 2:28PM
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finedreams

Guys somebody posted on 04/30 at 23/20 under my screenname. this is creepy. i was not online at that time at all, I didn't type that post at all.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2009 at 2:32PM
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finedreams

LOL I checked and I see now that this thread is old, I mixed up the dates and the post is mine, just old. LOL I got paranoid for a minute. hahah

    Bookmark   April 26, 2009 at 2:36PM
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doodlerbug

very interesting indeed if you're into that sort of thing

    Bookmark   June 19, 2009 at 9:00AM
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wild_thing

not even interested. If you don't like then don't go there. Pretty simple.

    Bookmark   June 23, 2009 at 2:16AM
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vivian31

Never been there.

I DO go to the childless stepmom forum--and just this morning posted about how superficial I thought that they were...LOL You have to be all positive and rosy there--which totally goes against my nature.

'cause you know, sometimes posters do need a beatdown. LOL

    Bookmark   June 23, 2009 at 6:48AM
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imagr8tma2

Wow, I am on both sites, and I feel very much justified in what I post about BM because it is the truth - she is a attacking me and I use both sites as a venting board - so that i can remain sane.

I don't take anything out on SD and I want to keep it that way.

I think sometimes it is hard to walk in the persons shoes and see where they are coming from.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2009 at 4:36PM
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imamommy

there is nastiness everywhere... sometimes it's in the form of stepmoms that vent about the stepkids or biomom or even the wuss husband. Sometimes it's in the form of biomoms that are so bitter, they take it out on people they don't know, just because of a title. (one of many titles I might add)

But, I do have to say I'm surprised that this thread wasn't deleted... after all, it's about a competing forum. Hmmm. Censorship PLEASE!!!

    Bookmark   July 23, 2009 at 4:50PM
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lawno_yahoo_com

Former StepTalk reg here. Sick of the mods playing favortism towards some and taking action towards others. They incite chaos with their double standards.

All of the terms they claim to adhere to apply only to those they pick out. Their excuse is that they don't have "the resources" to moderate better.

Ultimately, I think someone may be good at creating a website, but that doesn't necessarily make them good a moderating a forum.

I'm through with "vents" talking about wishing children dead, calling them hideous names, and talking about them like they are worthless trash.

I'm interested in having others help me deal with my situation so that it improves my life. And I'm interested in helping others, if I have had something similar happen in my life or have something to offer.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2010 at 5:54PM
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Ahnya

While i can see the perspective that some of the posts on step talk might be pretty negative, posting here about how terrible the people who are posting there are is ... pretty negative.

I actually just found that site a week ago and thought it might be a good place to vent once in awhile, or get feedback from people who are dealing with similar situations. yes, some of the responses were negative and definately didn't help much for solving the situation but everything has to be taken with a grain of salt. I guess I do my own moderating and take everyone's comments and suggestions as what they are. Comments and suggestions from strangers who only have bits and peices of the stories and can't help but make statements that come from their own perspectives and experiences.

doesn't mean i can't learn something from them, even if i don't always agree.

Maybe there's a bunch of older members who are bitter and negative, but there are probably new people joining all the time. (such as myself) just looking for support and somewhere to share their feelings instead of blowing up at a SO or friend.(not to mention friends start getting tired of hearing the same troubles all the time)

"THAT is a bunch of b**chy insecure ignorant control-freak SM's"

hmm i've posted there a week now, so i guess this broad stereotyping comment applies to me as well. Kind of makes THIS forum quite a bit less friendly of a place, regardless of whatever is going on at the other website.
:( kinda sad, since the purpose of both sites are just to allow people the chance to have a support group among other people who might be experiencing similar situations, might be able to give advice or just emotional support.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 7:34PM
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myfampg

This is an old post and some of these posters don't post often here
I went to steptalk before finding this forum and no way was I posting. I feel 'safe' here. As a BM I've yet to be attacked just for being a BM.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 8:03PM
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Ahnya

I can understand that myfampg, since the other site is called "step talk" it does seem to be mostly just steps who are posting.

That probably does cause them to get each other riled up on occasion and i'm sure there can be a lot of hostility and anger that could get directed at a BM in general.

honestly i think being able to get some input from BM's would be a lot more useful but it could just as easily turn into more shouting matches. (can't yell at the person who is actually making you mad, so take it out on some random person who has the same title)... i could see that happening in an online setting. It's too bad though since there's probably a lot of useful information that could be gleaned by getting a peek at both sides of the situation. (BM and SM)

I do have to say though, that the other site's "setup" is better and more condusive for chatting and keeping track of posts. This one is a lot more difficult, which is unfortunate.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 8:17PM
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beckykay78_yahoo_com

I am saddened by the bashing of steptalk.org. I for one found some of the posts very enlightening. Gave me things to think about that because I am directly in the situation missed. Some posts were rude and even hateful at times, but we r all adults. Take it with as what the advice is worth, free. If a person wanted to take of their problems, and did not just want to vent, they would seek out a professional... I just needed a venting place where I could say what I am thinking, confused about, without actually hurting those I love.... SC are no different than bio kids, just depends on when u come into their life..thats the hard part, skipping into stages u have never been through, but thats why I find it insightful...

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 10:59PM
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beckykay78_yahoo_com

I am saddened by the bashing of steptalk.org. I for one found some of the posts very enlightening. Gave me things to think about that because I am directly in the situation missed. Some posts were rude and even hateful at times, but we r all adults. Take it with as what the advice is worth, free. If a person wanted to take of their problems, and did not just want to vent, they would seek out a professional... I just needed a venting place where I could say what I am thinking, confused about, without actually hurting those I love.... SC are no different than bio kids, just depends on when u come into their life..thats the hard part, skipping into stages u have never been through, but thats why I find it insightful...

    Bookmark   May 18, 2011 at 11:07PM
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20yearsandfedup

I am currently a member at Step-Talk and I can tell you I am not immature nor nasty. I have been a step mom for 20 years and the 1st 15 years were OK, but since sgkids came along SD seems intent on making my life hell and criticising everything I do to my DH. He listens and used to agree with her 99.9% of the time. Hence the fighting started. It has been the worst 3 years of my life this past 3 years and I am running out of patience. I am giving my marriage until the end of the summer / fall and if DH doesn't figure out that I am the one buttering his bread (not SD), financially and romantically, then I just cannot do it anymore. My health has been extremely fragile for the past year and I am just recovering from some serious ailments that I believe were exacerbated by the constant stress brought on by SD. She is 36 years old - married with 3 kids and has decided it is now her mission to interfere in my marriage and my life. Stick a fork in me - I am done!

    Bookmark   March 24, 2012 at 9:36AM
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StepTalkMember123

Well, now I'm glad it took me so long to post here.

Sure, as in everything, there are always a few bad eggs in the bunch, but to make such blanket statements that everyone is a bunch of b*****s on StepTalk, that's low, really low.

There's a TON of content on that site, how much did you look at? Probably only "just enough" to be able to pat oneself on the back & feel justified in your mean spirited attacks.

NO ONE IS PERFECT. Not even you.

I'm really glad everyone on this forum is super happy, managing their blended families like a yogi while holding hands & singing kumbaya, but the reality is that it's NOT LIKE THIS for many blended families. A lot of the times it's a hard, grueling, thankless business that does not involve appreciation, consideration or kindness to the step parent, but heaps on the hate, angst, anger & in some cases physical/mental abuse instead.

StepTalk is a safe place for people to vent & TALK. No, not everyone there is a saint, but they're not villains either. My own StepParenting experience has been something I akin to the 7th circle of hell with it going from small jabs & comments from my SD, graduating to (just this week) threats of actual physical abuse from said SD.

You may think me a bad person, but there's no way on Gods green earth I'll let my 17 year old SD abuse me physically without reacting, anyone who would let that slide & try to "hug" it out is a fool.

There are a million & 1 reasons why a lot of stepparents get to the point they are at & not all the stepparents are the bad guy. Does it make ME a bad person because I won't let my SD walk all over me, won't turn the other cheek while she says horrible, terrible lies about me? Is it bad that I defend myself when she tries repeatedly to cause friction that will not only end in my divorce but my losing MY SON, her 8 year old half brother (who she treats like garbage) because she loves to spin tales of deception/manipulation? All because NO, I won't let her go out of town all weekend with the car we let her drive?

I'm not a bad person, far from it. I've tried so hard & finally HAD IT. But to read here, people on StepTalk are the problem? I'm the problem because I had a 15 year old (whom I've been in her life since she was 3) thrust on me to raise due to her mom tossing her out after it was discovered that the charges of physical abuse my SD made against her moms fiancé (of 8 years) were all found out to be lies. Lies constructed to get her future stepdad out of the picture because he made SD mind her manners, clean her room, come home on time, do her homework & not curse at her BM. My SD was caught red handed in her lies too, no misinterpreting here. Later, after moving in w/ myself, her dad & my son, SD started accusing me of the same, because I DARED to make her mind. The EXACT SAME, right down to the wording, a verbatim script.

So, all of us are b*****s at StepTalk.....well, if I earned that title by NOT letting my SD rip me apart & break up my marriage, I'm proud to have it. Honestly though, I think if your looking for a bunch of b*****s, then you need go no farther than the nearest mirror.

You people should be ashamed of yourselves. Leave it to a bunch of bored housewives who think they are perfect to tear down other women they perceive that are not. Gosh, you ladies are real pieces of work. I'm glad I don't post here, after this, I never will again.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2013 at 1:50PM
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mkroopy

Jeez most of those posts were years ago....especially the critical ones. I think you are wasting your time with your little tirade. Plus it's sort of juvenile, almost like "my highschool is better than your high school" type stuff. Why waste your time?

I've come to this board for years and while there is the occasional blowhard, most of the people are civil and try to discuss things in a ration way. Sorry you don't see it that way.

Oh, and I'm a guy by the way...there's a few of us here..not many, but a few.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2013 at 3:46PM
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Amber3902

Why do people reply to a post that's over a year old? I mean, how are they even finding these threads?

    Bookmark   October 23, 2013 at 3:50PM
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