Feeling Blue

DawnSmithAugust 15, 2013

Hi There Cool People with great advice!

I'm sad. I don't have my kids this weekend. My finance was going to get a full weekend pass from his soberity house, we haven't spent much time together lately.

Plans have changed. Now it is Friday about 5pm to Saturday at 11am only. For good reason:

The AA club is having a big picnic on Saturday. He volunteered to help set up at the park and then will attend the picnic also. He needs to do things like this, I support that 100%!

I'm sad because I know family is invited to the picnic and he didn't invite me. He has excluded me from his entire recovery program (he tells me what's going on, but I haven't been to any meetings or group things).

I have brought it up briefly and he kinda skirts around it and doesn't give concrete answers. Honestly, I just don't think he is ready to share this new world he has, it is his safely zone right now. Still makes me sad.

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mkroopy

"I just don't think he is ready to share this new world he has, it is his safely zone right now."

I think you hit the nail on the head. I didn't read all of your other posts regarding his issues, but I know in general, when "worlds collide" it takes some getting used to. I think this might be more common for guys than girls. I know I am experiencing a little of this right now, my GF of 5+ years and her son just this month moved to my town from the city (about 50 miles away). We are not living together, neither of us wanted to put our kids thru the "blending families" stress, but have wanted to live much closer to each other for many years. We waited until now due to her son just finishing middle school.

But although it's only been a couple weeks, I gotta say it's weird knowing that for the first time in 5+ years, I could bump into her at any time..at the supermarket, passing in our cars, etc. I have no secrets, nothing to hide, etc... and am a little surprised that I have this weird feeling about bumping into her. She's spent a lot of time up here with me over the years, so it's not her being up here that in any way makes me have this weird feeling, I think it's just that feeling like I lost my "safe zone" or something. Or possibly that she may run into my ex, they've only met a couple times...I guess that kind of weirds me out too.

I'd respect his need for his space right now.....hopefully as he adapts to this environment, it will start to pass and you will be more welcome into that other world. Please don't read too much into it....like me, it may be something that even he cannot rationally explain....

    Bookmark   August 15, 2013 at 1:26PM
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DawnSmith

I know you are completely right and I am trying really hard to not read anything into it at all. He is taking his recovery very seriously and doing what his counselors and psychologists tell him to do, which is great. He is a super guy and has a huge heart and I know he loves me.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2013 at 1:56PM
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DawnSmith

I know you are completely right and I am trying really hard to not read anything into it at all. He is taking his recovery very seriously and doing what his counselors and psychologists tell him to do, which is great. He is a super guy and has a huge heart and I know he loves me.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2013 at 2:22PM
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emma

As long as he is not living with you, let it be.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2013 at 3:11PM
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jmc01

You can always head to an Al-Anon meeting...

    Bookmark   August 16, 2013 at 5:02AM
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teachfamily

If he is making the decision with his therapist's blessing, then that is great. I think it is reasonable, however, for you to want to know if he is leaving you out because it is best for his recovery, or if it is his decision alone. I am a little suspicious by nature, and it is reasonable to wonder if he is keeping his two worlds separate so he can avoid being completely honest about himself. When you blend worlds, you have to be the same person in both. It is easier to hide aspects of yourself when you keep worlds separate. It sounds like you have a good reason to want to explore why he is keeping you out of his sober world. Good Luck.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2013 at 8:20PM
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