Something's going on with BM

lovehadleyAugust 15, 2009

SS said something to DH a couple days ago about the police being at BM's house.

He didn't really elaborate and when DH asked, SS kind of shut down, so DH didn't push the issue anymore.

Dh has been keeping an eye on the court case website and sure enough, yesterday something popped up under BM's name.

It is a Child Protection Order case that was filed only a few days ago.

For safety/privacy issues, it doesn't say who the person filing is.

It cannot be anything related to SS, I don't think, because DH would have been notifed, since he is the other custodial parent.

It is either something related to her DD or her SD.

I think we need to call our attorney on Monday and see if she can't do some digging and find out.

Somebody reported BM for something, that much is clear.

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imamommy

If it is listed on a public website, it may be possible to get the information yourself without paying the attorney to dig into it. Most of the time, police call logs are available if you go down and request it. That has notes on what the initial call was about and usually has the results too. If a formal report wasn't made, there will be an incident report or just the call log. (you can give them BM's address and they can give you a log of all calls made to that address, even if a report was not made.. ie. if the cops just talked to them)

If there is a court case file opened, that is usually public record and you can go down to the courthouse with the case number (that is listed on the website) and view the file. It may contain reports & all documents filed.

But, I would not want to pay my attorney to do something that I can do for free.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2009 at 11:42AM
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mom2emall

While I would not want to pay attorney for something I can do for free, I think I would want the attorney to know whats going on with bm! It could potentially help you and dh.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2009 at 2:58PM
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imamommy

you can inform an attorney of what you find out AFTER you have located what is going on. An attorney will charge their hourly rate to contact a private investigator... they rarely do their own leg work, then pass the cost onto the client. I would research the court case and send a letter to the attorney to inform him/her of what was found and include copies of documents that pertain to issues that are relevant to their custody case.

If you have plenty of money and don't want to spend the time on it, then yeah let the attorney handle it all. I get hired to retrieve documents from the court all the time. I don't mind the extra business when they do that. I was just offering LH advice on how to save a few bucks. She may need it later if it ends up back in court.

LOL, I do all the legwork for our attorney and it still cost DH a few thousand dollars to defend BM's last motion for custody. Then the Judge threw water on her fire... and the case gets put on hold indefinitely and we still have to pay the lawyer. Paying unnecessary attorney fees and wasting time in court has become a big pet peeve for me! (especially when the NCP isn't paying or only paying minimal support but is the one bringing the court actions all the time)

    Bookmark   August 16, 2009 at 3:18PM
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finedreams

I would certainly find out what it is for SS's safety. possibly BM is drinking and there are fights in the house and anyone could call the police, even a neighbour.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 9:29AM
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justnotmartha

find anything out? This is an interesting. . . and scary . . . development.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 2:27AM
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lovehadley

BM blabbed some stuff to DH.

I don't know why she tells him the things she does.

Last week when she picked SS up, she told DH that their gas was getting turned back on because they finally paid the bill---it had been off for two weeks! :(

She got a JOB!!!! Be still my heart! I really think this is really good and hope she sticks with it---she is cleaning houses at night.

So last night was meet-the-teacher night and DH and BM took SS. DH said SS was making some sort of graph about how many people are in his family and BM told DH that his SS (her DH's 11 yr old DD) is no longer coming over to their house b/c their mom is claiming BM abuses her.

DH just said "huh" and changed the subject b/c he told me later he thought it was ridiculous BM would even bring it up in front of SS in his classroom.

He said he plans to ask her about it---and he did find out she has a court date next week b/c she asked DH if they could switch nights w/SS b/c she has to be in court really early one AM.

(i am more annoyed with her whole buddy-buddy thing with DH, truth be told...I said to DH "why does she feel so comfortable telling you things?" He claims he's not doing anything to encourage it....but it doesn't seem like that to me. She acts like he is her "friend.")

Anyway---it is all very concerning and at the very least, I think DH can attend this hearing she has next week if he wants to find out. He seems to think it is all bogus and just custody related----like, SD's mom is filing for custody and using abuse allegations as a "reason" but I have my doubts.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 10:30AM
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jennmonkey

"BM told DH that his SS (her DH's 11 yr old DD) is no longer coming over to their house b/c their mom is claiming BM abuses her."

If indeed she is not abusing her, this is karma at it's best. Maybe this will cause BM to think about her previous actions.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 1:07PM
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finedreams

I recall BM made false allegations about you, and now somebody accusing her. talking about karma.

But I also wonder if it is drinking related. Police was called, had to be a reason.

as about BM telling things to DH, he was there, I don't think it is a big deal she told him. I wouldn't worry about that.

DH does need to find out if abuse is real because then SS is effected by it as well.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 1:39PM
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lovehadley

"as about BM telling things to DH, he was there, I don't think it is a big deal she told him. I wouldn't worry about that"

It bothers me FD because DH has told her time and time again that he is no longer taking her calls except pertaining to SS, that all communication needs to be done via email, etc. Then he always backs down and next thing I know BM is confiding in him, calling 5x a day to talk to him, etc. My point is she would not do those things if HE wasn't playing into it. What he should do is tell her "this is not my business" etc but he doesn't. He knows SO many details about her life----and then when I confront him and say "how do you know that" and he tells me she told him, I get upset and then he says he just won't tell me anything. I was VERY upset because I found out last week he went inside her house when he picked SS up and BM gave him a soda. UGH.

I just cannot accept the fact that my DH, the man who is supposed to be loyal to me, has MORE than civil relationship with her. The bottom line is--she wouldn't tell him all these things if he didn't show her by his own actions that it's okay. He is TOO FRIENDLY with her.

When he wasn't taking her calls or communicating with her, she didn't talk to him. Now she is all "chummy" again because he's let his guard down once again.

It can be hard for someone to understand how badly that hurts for a wife if you haven't been through it. This woman assaulted me---has exposed my child and his child to the police coming to our home---has made false allegations of abuse against me---and yet still----he is NICE to her.

UGH. I am getting mad just thinking about it. I do not know what it will take for him to draw boundaries with her and stick to them. Probably me filing for divorce. :(

But this is all a separate issue. He does need to find out what's going on for SS's sake. I doubt he will. He is back to "everything's fine" mode and he will just take what BM says at face value, not document anything and be up you-know-what-creek when she turns on him again.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 2:13PM
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pseudo_mom

LH... hubby is not friendly with ex but he does have to communicate with her.... She'll start off talking about the kids then insert something of importance for her then back to the kids then back to herself ... its what she does ...

Is he fake nice or nice? hubby is fake nice .... because if he doesn't talk to her she gives the kids the message "tell daddy blah blah blah" and rather than them being the messengers he puts up with listening to her about her kidney infections the several operations she has had ... (hoping lobotomy :) ...)

Did your hubby offer to have SS an extra day or visit to shower and eat?

Remember the old saying you catch more flies with honey.... thats how I diffuse it for me ... it doesn't bug me like it used to when she would call and talk about herself because I know in the conversation somewhere she is mentioning the kids.

And hubby gets the "dirt" that BM dishes out... if that makes sense?

    Bookmark   August 18, 2009 at 4:49PM
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