Just another show...

mom2emallAugust 5, 2010

So BM is trying to be all involved because her parents are coming to town soon. She planned a christening for her 3 younger kids (who are toddlers and older) all of a sudden and picked the day before her parents get here. After the christening their is a party at the house bm and her bf are staying at (the same house that about 12 other people live in with them). Anyways bm wants my skids to go to the christening and the party. Then she wanted them to sleepover because her parents are coming the next day anyways. I told her that I would have to talk to dh because I am not sure how he feels about them sleeping over there and told her it was because of no space. Really though her bf will surely be drinking and he gets mean and the kids should not have to wittness that.

So bm said thats fine, don't bother asking dh. For some reason she only calls me to schedule anything with the kids when she rarely tries to make plans. Then she said that the kids could come home from her house and sleep here. Then she wants us to drop the kids off by her in the morning so her parents can pick the kids up there because she says she will be seeing them that day anyways. She said it will be easier for her parents.

Her parents just talked to us the day before that and made plans of a time to be here to get the kids.

So I am thinking bm just wants to put on a show to pretend she is a good mom. The problem with that is her parents speak to me and dh often and know what really goes on. It is just sad that instead of really being a good mom she has to put on a show for her parents.

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Wow. This woman is just so...I don't even know...

I mean, really, it is pathetic. Putting on a show for her parents so they think she's a good mom? (which they don't...they know the truth.)

Do you think she has some mental issues?

    Bookmark   August 5, 2010 at 1:01PM
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There are people who are just like that...
They really seem to think that what other people see and think is more important than what really is. Then there's another set that knows deep down inside that making the reality acceptable is beyond their abilities -- so they concentrate on 'the show' because that's possible. You know - the old bit about fooling some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time...

Yeah, I think that makes them sick...

    Bookmark   August 5, 2010 at 8:04PM
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we have a season passes to a waterpark that is rather large. The kids had told me and dh their grandparents want to take them there on their visit. I had talked to the grandparents and told them we have 2 free guest passes we got with our membership if they want them. They said yes.

Bm told me the other day that they are not going to that waterpark because it has huge waterslides and because bm has a cast on her arm she can't go on them. She said that it would be too much for her to watch the kids go on them when she can't! She said instead her parents were taking them all to a smaller waterpark that has an amusement park attached. I didn't question it.

Yesterday I emailed the grandparents asking if there is anything special they want us to pack the kids for their visit. They said their waterpark passes!

My problem is I made plans to take ds and a friend of mine and her son to the waterpark with the free passes while skids are gone. Now I don't know what to do. Do I tell the grandparents what bm said about not going and tell them I gave the 2 free passes away, but they can still get the kids in for free with their season passes? Or do I tell my friend what happened and give grandparents the free passes? My friend would understand because she knows bm is a whack. But bms parents should deal with bm screwing up, not my friend...right??

    Bookmark   August 9, 2010 at 11:23PM
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you are under no obligations to give free passes to grandparents or anyone else, it comes with your membership so you are free to do with free tickets what you want.

tell grandparents the truth: BM said she wouldn't go to the waterpark due to her cast and being unable to use slides (I can't believe she said that! crazy!) and you gave tickets away.

If they still want to take kids there, they could buy their tickets.

I don't even know why you offered free passes to them. They could come up with whatever activities for the kids when they are WITH THEM. It is not your problem or your responsibility.

Even if grandparents are nice people, still it is up to them what and how they entertain their grandkids. I don't see how it is your problem at all.

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 7:36AM
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"She said that it would be too much for her to watch the kids go on them when she can't!"

Talk to grandparents to see what's going on. Is it possible that they decided to ignore this completely selfish statement of BM's and take the kids to the big waterpark anyway? My response would have been along the lines of "So sorry you won't be able to join us because that's where we're going to be" so maybe grandparents are thinking the same thing. And then decide what to do re tickets.

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 9:36AM
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The kids had told us their grandparents wanted to take them to the waterpark while they were in town. I offered the free passes to the grandparents because they do a lot for the kids. Every year they come up right before the kids go back to school and take them for a few days. They take them out to do fun stuff and take them shopping. They almost always buy all 3 of them new gym shoes and a few outfits for school. Plus they have bought backpacks. It does save us quite a bit of money, so I just figured I would be nice. Their daughter should be helping provide the kids with things, they do not have to and they do it anyways. KWIM?

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 10:03AM
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mom2emall, they are nice to them and take them places and buy them stuff because they are their grandchildren.

their relationship with their grandkids is a separate relationship from BM's relationship with kids (dysfunctional or nonexistant) and separate from your relationship with kids.

They don't have to do these things but that's what grandparents do. when my exMIL does things with DD or for DD this is nothing to do with my ex. or when my parents do things it is their relationship with DD, I don't have to be in the middle.

what they do is not any different from normal things other grandparents do. gym shoes and backpacks are nice, but that's what grandparents do: some babysit for free, some buy stuff, some take them places, some pay for their school.

my parents gave DD $1000 as a gift on her college graduation, it is excessive sum in my opinion but this is nothing to do with me or ex, it is their relationship with DD. I did say why are you sending so much money, dad is retired. my parents pretty much told me that DD is their granddaughter and if they feel like doing XYZ then they will do it. and it makes sense.

I don't know how to express it in the right way without sounding wrong but grandparents can and should have their OWN relationship with grandkids the way they see fit without parents helping or interfering. it does not matter where they want to go and what they want to do. same with BM, it does not matter if my ex does not want to go on slides in the waterpark. whatever he wanted or didn't want to do with DD was HIS relationship with her, I didn't have to be in the middle.

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 10:32AM
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Parent I do see what you are saying. I do get involved in their visitation with skids because they live out of state and call me to make the plans about pick up and drop off, etc.

They don't call dh much because I think they feel uncomfortable talking to him after all they did to him in the past. When their dd was first leaving my dh she made up a pack of lies and they bought them. They even came out here and helped her clean out the entire home while dh was at work. Took everything they owned and many of my dh's personal belongings. Later they found out that their dd also stopped paying bills months before she left so dh had shut off notices for everything right after she left. Plus she emptied out all their bank accounts.

Now they see how their dd is and found out that all she had told them was lies and I know they feel awkward talking to dh.

The kids make the plans with them as far as where they are going and what they will be doing. Sometimes the grandparents will contact me about those things to get imput, which is what they did this time about the waterpark. Thats how we got involved in a conversation about the passes. They asked me. I do not stick myself in the middle of their plans.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2010 at 7:28PM
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