Husband won't take responsibility for parenting mistakes

stacee1234August 19, 2010

Hello everyone,

I'm new to the forum but am at my wit's end about something, so I hope someone has some advice for me. My husband will not take any responsibility for parenting mistakes he made as a father in his previous marriage. For the first 6 years of our marriage it didn't matter to me much and I would just let him vent and blame his ex-wife for how their kids turned out. But now we have kids of our own and I am terrified of him making the same mistakes - especially because he won't own up to anything and thinks he did/does nothing wrong as a parent. What should I do? Make him go to counseling? Leave him to protect the children? His mistakes are well intentioned but wrong none the less... being their friend more than a father, not requiring them to take responsibility for themselves, and giving his teenage daughter tips on working out so she can lose weight and tone up (which makes her feel horrible about herself!). I've tried gently suggesting ways he can improve, but he doesn't get it. Has anyone dealt with this before?

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How is giving his daughter tips on working out & losing weight wrong? I guess depending on the way he approaches it. But, if she feels horrible about herself... is the way he brings it up worded so that it makes her feel horrible about herself? (like saying nobody likes fat girls) or would she feel horrible about herself because society makes her feel bad about her weight/size? There are many things that affect self esteem & giving tips is not the same as being critical.

When people push ALL the blame onto the other parent, that is a huge red flag... but too late to change your decision to marry & have children with him. If you want to save your marriage, counseling & parenting classes might help. If he refuses, there really isn't anything you can do about it, except leave. But, that won't change how he parents & he will still have visitation/custody rights... how will that affect your children? Unless he does something horrible to the children or goes away quietly, I don't know how leaving would protect the children. In fact, if you go your separate ways, you'll have NO say in how he does things in his house. At least right now, you are in the home & have the ability to deal with the things you dislike. And if you do leave & he hooks up with someone else that could also change how he does things... sometimes for the better, but not usually.

Just something to think about.

    Bookmark   August 19, 2010 at 3:36PM
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