I do want to point out a terrific book I've recently read: the Smart StepDad by Ron Deal. How I wish a book like this was available in the late 1980s-early 1990s! There's also lots of wisdom in this for biological mothers.
What were the best parts Thurman?
I read the Smart Stepfamily by Mr. Deal and it helped me tremendously with my own divorce and life with DH and SD. I love the "salad" family perspective rather than the "blended" family perspective that is more common. I've even gifted the book to many people. Glad you like Ron Deal and his perspective, Thurman!!!
Good for you Thurman, as along as you are alive and kicking and still trying, its not too late.
I have a blended or "salad" family as you have stated, my daugter is not adjusting to it at all, she is 9 years old, and she has even been disrespectful to my husband, by saying he is not her dad, I know my husband is extremely frustrated with how she has been acting, and I do not want any division between the two of them, there have been occasions when the day after she has been disrespectful, and she wants to apologize, he will not accept it, and he won't even say two words to her for a couple of days, he has gotten so mean with it, that he does not allow me to leave her here with him if I need to take care of some business. My question is, do you think this book will help my situation?
Never read the book, but wanted to chime in on something you said:
"and she wants to apologize, he will not accept it"
OK you didn't mention that in your other post. You gotta tell him he is the adult, she is freaking 9.....he cannot lower himself to her level.
My kids are 13 and 10....in some respects they are spoiled and bratty (which I attribute more to their mom than me, but I am sure I had a hand in it and I am working on it). The only apologies I ever get are forced...I would be ecstatic if one of them came to me to applogize for something instead of me having to force it out of them (literally speaking).
I think your husband is actually going to blow an excellent opportunity to bond with your daughter if he plays these games....
That's one heck of an omission Candie... So they're BOTH acting like 9 year olds! But then, for one of them, that's kinda understandable...
Candie - Never read the book but like I said in the other post, your situation sounds way to familiar. Looking back there may have been signs that problems were starting but I failed to see them. Do what you can now, books, counseling, etc before days turn into years and she becomes a teenager and things become so bad that the only way you see them getting better is if you leave. That is the reality of my situation right now.