teenagers killing my marraige

stepmom32August 21, 2013

i have been married before and have two children from that previous relationship, now married to a man with two kids of his own and recently we had a baby together, so this equals 5 kids between us.

problem one: his oldest son 19 , does not even try to find himself a job , keeps on using the excuse that he is studying, and daddy pays for his study's while he is busy sitting at home not going to class and then lie to his father about it, he has to get 700 to 800 rand a week in order to do what he wants to do, now to me that is alot of money and that does not include his study's , when ever i talk to his father about this , he simply tells me to stay out of his business its his child and he will support him, leaving me without whatever i need in the house or even milk for my baby because there is no money left after his son came and did his rounds. but then i have to sit and listen to my husbands complains because he has no money left. his son walk into my house, doesnt greet me he would just go into the kitchen take some food mess all over eat half of it and run to his fathers family and tell them he doesnt eat my food because i might poisen him or my food is horrible, leaving me with a dirty kitchen and when i refuse to clean his mess his daddy would complain and tel me what a terrible wife i am.

problem two : his 16 year old daughter wants to be the wife!!! she wants to hold my husbands hand when walking in town, she wants to sit next to him when we have plans to watch movie, she wants to decide what to eat for supper and i must cook, she doesnt clean up after she took a bath or even her bedroom , she even climbs into bed with him at night, he had to promise her that he would divorce me and marry her when she is older , she keeps on plotting against my kids and me telling lies to her father and making sure he fights with us, talking about me and my kids as them. she even called me a slut in public, she told me my baby isnt her fathers child, and she wished my unborn baby dead....

feeling so depressed these days knowing there is no hope to safe what ever we have left

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So, your husband and his children have scored a cheap housekeeper. They must all be feeling very pleased with themselves. (And that daughter sounds way beyond dysfunctional.)
Unless your husband wants this situation to change, it won't. It certainly doesn't sound like he wants it any different.
You need to sit down with yourself and decide if you are willing to live the rest of your life like this, or if you are going to cut your losses and leave.

    Bookmark   August 21, 2013 at 10:42AM
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Sadly, I don't have any idea how the cultural differences or legal womens rights might apply in So Africa if the differences do exist - but that might make me cautious about suggesting stepmom leave with a child. I'd want to know more first, know what her options in her locale might be.

    Bookmark   August 21, 2013 at 12:38PM
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thanks girls, well i am employed , i do work monday to friday , my salary is okay, but still not enough to survive on my own with now 3 kids. we do have woman's rights but , have to say this is SA the police is corrupt here, we dont want them involved because in some cases its to dangerous ffor me and my daughters to ask for help, some things happening here that outside countries are unaware of so that is out of he question. i think you are right, im just n cheap housekeeper over here..... why dont we get those men that used to be so caring anymore ???

    Bookmark   August 22, 2013 at 6:11AM
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Would your husband not have to pay child support for your mutual child if you were to split up? Or is it too easy to dodge that? Do you have any family who could help?

    Bookmark   August 22, 2013 at 11:53AM
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Teenager crawling into bed with dad? And dad's okay with it?

I'd be done.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2013 at 1:33PM
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