absolutely torn please help
where to begin with this post is hard to know�
I got with hubby 5 years ago and he had a son 12 years old. I was only 20 years old and my hubby was 31.
Hubby at the time had 2 years previous had a vasectomy. He had a reversal and it hasn�t worked so soon due to go for IVF. Being 20 I fell in love with my hubby accepted his son and tried to be a �happy little family�
Things were good for 5 months and then the son got back in contact with his biological mum and ended up wanting to go back and live with her.
Anyway we couldn�t afford the 3 bed house so had to move into a small 1 bed flat, my husband was distraught that his son had left and gone to his mum who had dumped her own child on his doorstep 7 years before that and not bothered to contact him. We started to try and build our lives and we had a great 2 years travelling etc and we got married. We invited his son to the wedding who broke down in tears on our wedding day saying he wanted to come back and live with us (he was 14)
Anyway two months went by and then we had a phone call from his bio mum saying he wants to come back and live with us before I knew it he was back.
We had just got a 2 bedroom house which I saved for and his son had caught wind of us getting a 2 bed house and asked his mum to call.
Things were not rosy at all. His son has ADHD and ODD and he came back with many issues, some issue were there before anyway.
His dad went into meltdown onto a dark cave of depression leaving me to work full time, come home and cook for and care for his son who I�d only know in total 5 months a few years before.Our marriage suffered greatly, my husband wasn�t eating, sleeping or getting into the same bed as me�this went on for over a year.
His son would tell lies and cause many arguments. He stole his dads motorbike once and only after the neighbours told us he was racing it up and down the road we knew he was lying ( I knew also I can tell when he is lying) He�s been arrested twice, once accused of sexually abusing a 4 year old-never went anywhere no evidence and then again sexual abusing a vulnerable adult male ( he forced this man to suck his ****) again lack of evidence. I had seven police officers ransack my home looking for evidence, his son was taken off for questioning and later returned, he seemed cool, calm and collected not like someone who had been wrongly accused of sexually assaulting someone. Turns out a few years before I met hubby he�d been in a similar situation accused of sexually touching another child, we once had a call from his school saying he was masturbating on the bus in front of other kids! he gives me the creeps he�s very touchy feely and I hate what may appear to some people as a loving nature it makes me feel sick. Its not just me who cant get on with him, my hubby and him have no �father/son� relationships. He is a compulsive liar, and has walked in and out of our lives leaving to move in with girlfriends, he got his first girlfriend pregnant at 16 and moved out for two weeks stropping because she couldn�t stay over at our house every night. ~He then returned, leaving again a few months later to go and work with the fair, to be fair this has messed our money around, everytime it feels like we are building our lives he comes crashing in and my hubby jumps to his demands. My hubby gives him what he wants for an easy life. His son doesn�t wash he�s filthy dirty all the time and goes around scrounging what he can, he has no intention of getting a job, been to two colleges in one year and cant be bothered. The last argument me and hubby had was about his son telling outside friends he had no clothers, money, food etc. so my hubby gave him ALL his clothes this made me angry, we had a big row and then his son went and sold the brand name clothes, he was that �desperate� for clothes. Its rubbish he has nice clothes etc, he ruins them.
Anyway a few weeks ago he returned from the fair, previous to this it was agreed that he wouldn�t be returning to our home to live as he was causing chaos coming in and out. Anyway hes now back under our roof, we have no money for him and we are struggling financially, hubby is frantically searching for a motorbike for him using our back up money (so his son can get a job, which is very unlikely) this is causing problems, his son is demanding and seems to be getting what he wants he�s 17 and isn�t being made to learn that things don�t come for free, you have to work for them. Before he came back me and my husband were happy and calm it now seems its going back to the way its always been. I long for my own child and all I ever get is �when you�re a mum you will understand� I still know whats right and wrong. None of my family trust his son because he�s stolen from them and caused problems. I feel like the evil stepmother because his son has lost my trust, I want my husband to stand up for himself and our relationship do right by his son and get him to grow up, I am so sad and lonely feel like the outsider in this equation supposed to be having IVF in a few months maybe there wont be any need because I feel so resentful towards his son I might have to take myself out of this situation, last time it made me physically and mentally ill. Its hard to describe everything in words but I love my husband so much, I understand it his son and he is more improtant but my opinions do not even count. My hubbys last partner left because of his son, I would never give him an ultimatum I would just go can anyone help me I l love this man so much with all my heart and I so want to like his son but I just can�t.