I am so frustrated. It is hard to sit by and watch children being raised in such an unstructured environment. I know there are different schools of thought on how to raise children but I guess I'm on the side of structure. I believe that structure and routine are some of the components that bring stability to a child"s life and helps them feel safe and loved. When there is no structure taught at home children have a difficult time assimilating into mainstream culture outside of their household. I think this is doing them a disservice and putting them at a disadvantage when it comes to competing in this world.
Okay so now for the story.....
These children that I love because they are children have no structure. There are three of them. Two boys, one 11, one 5 and one girl who is 9. The little girl is over weight. In my opinion it is because she has been allowed to eat whatever she wants whenever she wants. She eat the same amount as my fiance, literally. Then, an hour later or less she wants ice cream or cool aid or some type of snack. She is a good eater. She eats all the food on her plate, unless it's vegetables.
The 11yo is very angry. He says whatever he wants, talks back and is always saying mean angry things to me. I do not like to be alone with him because he has lied on me before. Unfortunately he is the "man" of the house @ his mother's house and that doesn't fly to well with us, so there's a lot of conflict when dealing with him. His mother continues to spew propaganda about his father and myself and he takes it hook line and sinker, even though he has experienced something different.
The five year old is the sweetest because he still has a little innocence, but I can see the negative influence on him and its sad. No one sits down to eat. They all just take a few bites and just start playing and running around. The TV is always on, from when they wake up till they fall asleep with it at night. He hears inappropriate things and he repeats them. "What the Hell" and "Stupid" are his favorite.
As a soon to be step parent what do you do if the biological parent is not willing to inject some structure into the lives of their children? I am already seen as the "villain" in this situation. How can I enforce rules and structure that even if supported by their dad is seen as being the hateful mean wicked step-mother.