I am a mother of 6 total. I have 3 older stepkids, and we have 3 little kids. My husband had been divorced for two years before we started to date. We dated for three years before we got engaged. His kids were all older at that time 17, 15, 12 years old. While we was dating we always included them into everything. I felt like they were always against us being together. The 15 year old at that time always said in front of me how he hated his life because his parents are divorced and everything was missed up. I know and get that divorces are hard on the kids. I was a little mad that he never said anything to his kids about saying things like that in front of me. I did one time say I know you are hurt and I am sorry that your parents got divorced, but I didn't even know your dad until the divorce was finalized for two years; are you not happy that your dad is finally happy. Because we were very happy and so much in love. Anyway we finally got married. We included all 3 of his kids in our wedding. I even ask his daughter to be in my line.
Now we have been married for 4 years and it has been a rocky hard road. His ex-wife gave us a lot of crap. But now all the kids are older we don't hear from her much. The daughter is 24 and living with her husband. The other two are 22 and 19 years old and still living with us. My husband and I have a 2 year old son, and twin 21 month old daughters. It is a rat race around here at times. I don't get much sleep. I have asked my husbands older two boys to help around here a little bit. I expect them to keep their rooms and the bathroom they use clean, do their own laundry, do a dish here and there, and take a hour a week to help pull weeds in the yard. I don't think that this is asking to much do you? They don't help pay for food or anything and our old enough to be out on there own. Well they do. Oh, I also asked them to come home at descent hour a couple of nights a week so I can get some sleep. They come and go when ever they want and come home all hours of the night. And when they come home they are noisy and wake up my 3 kids all under 2 years of age. Anyway, am I asking to much of them?
When he started dating his daughter and I at talked. But she wanted her belly button pierced and told me that she was going to do it and not to tell her dad. All I said to her was well, I am not your mother I can't tell you what to do or not to do; but I can tell you that your dad would not like you to do it. And I wasn't going to run and tell her dad. Maybe that hasn't the right thing to do. But I just felt like I should be in between that we was just dating. Since then she really never talks to me much. She was against us getting married. One day about 3 years after we was married she came over to the house to talk to her dad. Well he was still at work, I invited her in and I had a nurse down checking up on our twins because they were 3 months preemies. The nurse asked my husbands daughter how she liked being a big sister. Her exact words was I don't, it is hard for me. They are now 21 months old and she has only seen them about three times for very quick seconds. She doesn't call unless she wants something. Anyway there is nothing I can do about this she is out on her own. I just feel bad that her littler brother and twin sisters won't know her much. Any the way she treats me in my own home my husband doesn't say anything to her.
The two older kids live with us. The 21 year old will talk somewhat to me and help a little bit. He is always out. He goes to work usually by 10:00 in the morning and get off by 7 but then goes straight out with his buddies until all hours of the night. The other one that is 19 when he is home he sits in his bedroom watching TV or on the internet all the time. He doesn't talk to me. When I ask him questions it is yes or no if he answers me at all. He will call my husband(his dad)up at work and tell him that he is going to go do something and never says a word to me. If he can't get a hold of his dad he calls and tells his older brother to tell their dad. I feel that he should tell me. I am his dads wife and suppose to be his step mom. I asked my husband why do you feel that your older kids don't have to tell me where they are going if they can't get a hold of you? My husband said yes they should tell you if they can't get a hold of me. I asked him why he doesn't enforce what he just told me. He said what do you mean. I told him that every time your 19 year old can't get a hold of you he calls your 21 year old instead of me. Even when you are home and he knows you are home and your cell phone is off he won't call the house number looking for you, he just calls his brother and tells him to tell you. Anyway my husband and I got into a other fight over things. I don't know what to do. I am so frustrated. I just feel like all they want me to do is keep my mouth shut and just cook and clean. I really feel bad for our younger three. As they get older I don't know what to say to them when they ask why their older brothers and sisters don't come to their birthdays, or get them a Christmas present. On all of the kids birthdays I have always made a cake and ice cream for them and present to open even my husbands older kids. His older kids can't even say happy birthday to our three younger kids. They take off or if they are home go into their bedrooms. It really bugs me that my husband don't say a word to them. Or at Christmas his oldest daughter will get the two older brothers from my husbands first marriage a gift, but she doesn't get our 3 kids together anything. It will bugs me. What can I do? Any advice, please.