Forget the damn pants!!! It's OVER!!! Finally!

imamommyAugust 4, 2009

Well, it's finally OVER... well almost!

We went to court today. BM showed up with her attorney. She tried a last ditch effort last week to get the court date changed to around October. She was supposed to arrange an evaluation since June 1st. She didn't do anything and SD spent most of summer with grandma. So last week on Tuesday, she tried to get our attorney to agree to a continuance because the evaluation was not done. We said no way, SD starts school in a couple of weeks and she hasn't done anything so she can go explain why she had all summer and did nothing.

So, we get to the courthouse and she walks up to MIL, who came with DH. She tells her "did you see SD's hair?" and MIL says no. BM tells her it's cut really short. MIL tells her "why do you keep doing that?" in a disgusted tone and BM went and sat down. (BM was trying to rub it in that she chopped all SD's hair off again and I guess she didn't expect MIL to call her on it) Anyways, we get into the courtroom and their case is called.

We asked for a dismissal and said she can refile when she's ready to do the evaluation. Our attorney says she has had all summer, has done nothing and besides, SD has been with grandma a significant part of summer and has gained a noticeable amount of weight that even concerned SD's counselor, who noticed it when he didn't see her for three weeks. Her attorney brings up an 'issue' and says SD was bit at our house by a tick and is being treated for lyme disease and that is probably why she gained weight... even the Judge rolled his eyes at that. She gained the weight BEFORE she was supposedly bitten by a tick. I guess last weekend when grandma picked her up, she said SD had a bite on her. SD never showed us a bite and there was no tick on it so it could be a spider bite or any other insect. Grandma took her to the doctor the next day and told the doctor she thinks it was a tick and the doctor gave her amoxicillan (sp?) for two weeks and BM & grandma are the only ones saying it's treatment for lyme disease. We got a copy of the doctor notes that say nothing about lyme disease, nor does it say it was a tick.. just that grandma said so. So, who cares. They lie. It's just another effort to say SD was harmed in our care... as if there are no ticks where BM lives or where grandma lives... whatever!

The Judge went ahead and continued it... indefinitely. He said that when she gets the evaluation (she has to arrange it and pay for it up front all by herself).. when she has it done... then she can petition for a new court date to review it. Until then, NOTHING changes. He did not give us a date to come back... if she never does the evaluation, we never have to go back...

The best part is that if she does arrange and pay for the evaluation and it comes back in our favor, she will still have to bring DH to court to get an order to make him pay his half of the cost... and it will cost her at least 2-3 hours in attorney fees to do that. I just don't see it happening. Oh, and the Judge reprimanded her pretty well.. reiterating a couple of times that nobody is to discuss the court proceedings with SD and that doing so is putting SD in the middle. BM kinda made a face when he said that.. I don't even think she realized the faces she was making but she had attitude and he was not impressed at all with her. As soon as court was over, she got up and bolted from the courthouse with her attorney.

Then, about an hour ago, SD calls DH. She is with BM tonight, I guess BM picked her up from grandma after court. So, SD is calling DH and asking "So, what did you do today?" LOL, wonder if BM has been telling her what happened today? Or at least HER version.... we already know she's never going to listen to the Judge. It will all be our fault... one way or the other.

We are relieved that there will be no more court, at least not until BM follows through.. but now we are bracing for the challenges; BM will continue to poison SD.

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pseudo_mom

Good news IMA ... one of the best moments hubby had was when the last CO came in the mail with out a future court date.... he said "its done" there is no changing anything now. Its been a year since the last time they went to court ... but I have a feeling after my case against BM goes to court next week its going to start again but what do I know ...:)

Trial is next week for identity fraud.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 6:43AM
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finedreams

good news! for the time being...it never ends with this woman...

so mom is not pursuing custody anymore? it is too funny, wasn't it the whole idea of hers to file for custody? so what happened to that?

and is she paying CS? or whenever DH reminds her of CS she files for custody? what a joke, what was all this ordeal about if everyone is in square one again?

and nobody gains weight from regular antibiotics, it usually is the other way around. lyme disease? LOL i mean it is not a funny disease but who diagnosed her, grandma?
haha medical expert

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 8:21AM
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lovehadley

I think this whole ordeal has just made her look crazier to the court! I know it's been a huge emotional stress for you guys, but in the long run, I think this is just more ammo for you guys should you wind up in court again.

What a wacko.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 7:06PM
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imamommy

That's the beauty of it... we CAN'T end up back in court again! Well, not on a motion to change custody. The ONLY way for her to try and get custody is to complete the evaluation... PERIOD. If the court had dismissed it, then she could simply file a new motion and they would be sent back to mediation and it would just start over. She could get out of the evaluation if the court had dismissed it completely. This is better... it's ordered that the only thing the court will hear in regard to custody is after the evaluation is done!

What made her look crazier to the court:

** Our attorney stated that SD was to be with BM during summer but SD spent the majority of summer with grandma. The Judge looked stunned and shook his head. BM just sat there... no denial... no explanation that she was working... nothing. She just sat there with nothing to say for it.

** Our attorney stated that SD has gained a noticeable amount of weight and has been stressed out over the proceedings. Again, no explanation. Well, her attorney did try to say it was probably lyme disease (that he said happened at our house) that made her gain weight. That only made the attorney look like an idiot.

BM said nothing. She didn't even try to defend anything. I don't know why she even bothered to show up except to sit there like a lump and turn red. Her face was changing colors like a sunset! Even when our attorney told the Judge that she discusses the case details with SD, she didn't deny it. She even made a face like she was annoyed that it was being brought up. It looked like she rolled her eyes. She didn't say anything but her facial expressions were all smart ass/smug looks.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 8:01PM
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pseudo_mom

She probably wouldn't fit in those damn pants anyway!!!

My SS has double his weight in 4 years .... 80lbs now 170lbs he is 11 years old :(

He says its my fault I bake cookies and brownies all the time :) I stopped baking he gained 20 more lbs.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 8:37PM
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ceph

I love that she can't drag you back to court until she does the evaluation!
Which I think we can safely say isn't going to happen any time soon (or maybe ever)

Although... Maybe I missed this part - are you able to take her back to court if you needed/wanted to?

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 9:38PM
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imamommy

We did have a motion to change the visitation to every other weekend and asked for an order to allow SD to participate in sports. That did not get heard... he said nothing will change until the evaluation is done.

Our attorney advised us to go ahead and sign her up for whatever we want to. If BM doesn't bring her, then she'll just miss a game or whatever. We can't make BM bring her. But, then if SD wants to play badly enough, she'll pressure BM to bring her or opt to stay and play instead of going with grandma. If BM wants to complain that we signed her up for something... she needs to do the evaluation.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 9:46PM
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ceph

Good gravy!
What sort of crappy parent would complain if the other parent put the kid in a sport?!
(I could see extenuating circumstances, like if it was done purely out of spite, or games were only on the other's time, etc... But I predict Ima's SD's BM complaining just to be a beeyatch)

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 11:53PM
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justnotmartha

Every once in a while I gain back some faith in the system. This is great news, Ima. Congrats!

    Bookmark   August 5, 2009 at 1:10AM
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imamommy

Well, that was short lived!

DH got a call today from the evaluator saying BM turned in the court order and he needs to pay his half. The total is $5,750.000. So, he had them fax the order to him because it had not been submitted to our attorney for approval... and it was only the minute order from the first hearing. She is trying to get around having our attorney approve the order which will state that she has to pay the full amount since she owes him over $3,000 already. (and big surprise, she stopped paying her support mid July)

Oh well, all we can do is wait while our $300 an hour attorney works it out and hope it doesn't cost us $3,000 in attorney fees to straighten it out. As far as I know, they cannot go to court until the evaluation is done... however that doesn't mean she won't instigate BS to rack up legal fees. UGH! (~disengaging~... our anniversary is tomorrow~ she is not going to put a hamper on that!)

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 3:26AM
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imamommy

I meant damper! (it's late, I'm tired)

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 3:28AM
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organic_maria

THis human is what she is....a loser. Doesn't matter what title she has....she sounds like a sour grape.
Enjoy your anniversary!

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 7:01AM
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nivea

Ima, do you know what she wants? Like, what do you think her motivation is in all of this?

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 11:41AM
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lovehadley

UGH. I was hoping this was over for you guys! :(

ENJOY your anniversary! It's the 12th?

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 12:16PM
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imamommy

She does not want to pay support... and at this point, I think she wants SD so she can GET support. She stopped paying a month ago and from what I've heard, her BF is not happy ~ according to his exW. BM is desperate to salvage her relationship with him, and I think it's slipping away from her. (he told his exW that he isn't going to support BM and her kids!)

I predicted, two years ago when she moved in with him, that she would get pregnant if she could. DH told me that she said she could no longer get pregnant ~ she told him a few years ago that she had surgery and couldn't have any more kids. (now that we know she's a pathological liar~who knows if that's true) but she has posted on a website for new mother's that she's expecting again. So, she's either lying about it... or she was lying to DH when she said she can't have more kids.

As I said a long time ago (and got slammed a little for saying it then) she trapped DH.. she trapped her older daughter's father by getting pregnant as soon as his divorce was final... she got pregnant by DH as soon as he was getting tired of her crap and was about to break it off... and now this.

The only thing I can think is that she hopes to get custody so she has more income and can justify not working... because she's the type that thinks a pregnancy is a disability and she can't work if she's pregnant. Next, I won't be surprised if she tries to get him to go after custody of his kids.... so he won't have to pay support on his kids. LOL, I think she was going to have her mom move in with her but that hasn't happened. SD says her sister has spent the last two weekends with grandma to help her pack, but now grandma isn't moving this month...

Dealing with a family of liars... can't believe anything until it happens. Since we don't have a court date, we are not worrying about the evaluation or paying for it... but it's irritating that we have to pay our attorney for any of this. The more miserable she is in her life, the more she does things to irritate and try to make us as miserable as her. It's just draining.. and sad.

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 12:20PM
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nivea

It drains me just reading of her antics, I cant imagine how this is for you.

Did you and your husband ever think about dropping CS? I think every child (well, custodial parent) deserves it, but in some cases, I think it might just not be worth it. She is a headache and not even a minor one and it sounds like you pay as much, if not more in attorneys/court then any CS you would collect any way.

Its almost sick, well it is sick thinking this way. Like you have to buy her off for some peace for your family. But if I were in your shoes, I think I would seriously be thinking about it.

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 5:48PM
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imamommy

We didn't ask for support for the first nine months we had SD and she wouldn't buy her daughter socks. We only modified the order because the way it was, she could have demanded DH pay her since there was already an order in place for him to pay her and she was getting more and more demanding/hostile with us... and being critical of everything we did. In CA, it's a child right to support and once there's an order in place, one parent cannot give up the child's right to be supported. He could stop trying to collect by closing his case with DCSS but he isn't willing to because it did cost him more than she has to pay, just to get the order changed.

Honestly, I don't think there is any way to buy or have peace with her. It's more likely that if she is pregnant, she will soon be preoccupied with that.. and today she called and left a frantic message for DH. She said that she just got the price of the evaluation and there's no way 'they' can afford it and he needs to call her so they can work something out... IS SHE KIDDING??? Does she really think he is going to work something out with her? He does not want anything to change, except maybe going to every other weekend and changing times so SD can play sports. He did send her an email yesterday telling her SD is signed up for baseball and a few practices/games will be on her weekend (Sundays) and if she wants to bring her, that would be great or he will go get her and BM can make up the time on his weekends or vacations. She didn't respond.

    Bookmark   August 11, 2009 at 7:15PM
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ashley1979

This is a crazy situation! I can't believe you and DH live your life like this! It's like living in an emotional war zone where you're afraid of getting hit with rockets every day!

I know it doesn't mean much, but I am so sorry you have to go through this all the time. I have learned that when you love someone, you aren't immune to their suffering. I know in my own home that when SD is hurting, DH is hurting for her and then I end up hurting for them both.

Side note - DS was asking some questions week-before-last about SD and why she never comes and why she had to leave our wedding vacation early. I tried to explain everything very vaguely but honestly as far as how she has a good time with us when she's here and how her mom doesn't want her to come so she fills her life up with activities. DS told me last night that he cried for SD because he knows she loves her dad and wants to see him. He said he doesn't know why BM wouldn't want SD to come because DH is a good dad and does everything to make SD happy.

Funny how a 10 year old boy can see these things and be objective.......

Funny how a 10 year old boy can see that DH is a good father and loves his daughter, but SD and BM can't see that.

And DS isn't even DH's son! You'd think that DS would be biased against DH, but he's not. DS has a healthy relationship with both X and DH and X is secure enough in his role as father to encourage DS to have a good relationship with DH.

That's how things SHOULD be! Not this war that goes on!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2009 at 10:19AM
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ashley1979

Hey, Ima......did she even mention the pants on Monday?

    Bookmark   August 12, 2009 at 6:11PM
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imamommy

LOL, we got a letter today from our attorney (a copy of the letter she sent BM's attorney) reminding him that the court said BM had to pay the whole thing.

Considering BM's voice message to DH:

"Call me as soon as you get my message. I just got off the phone with Dr. XX and they gave me a figure.. and um, it's just not gonna happen cuz neither you nor I can come up with that amount... so I have a call into my lawyer and um, I don't know what we're gonna do.. but I just wanted to give you the figure.. so give me a shout."

Honestly, I think she lives in her own realm... disconnected from reality. She was in court when the Judge agreed that since she owed DH, she would pay all of it. And our attorney said the evaluation would cost around $5,000. So why is it a surprise to her? Why would she say "neither you nor I can come up with" or "I don't know what WE'RE gonna do" like it's THEIR joint problem... It's HER problem. He'd rather get the back support from her and leave things the way they are than have the back support used up for an evaluation to change everything.

But, that's the nut job we have to deal with!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2009 at 7:19PM
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finedreams

"I tried to explain everything very vaguely but honestly as far as how she has a good time with us when she's here and how her mom doesn't want her to come so she fills her life up with activities."

be careful as your son might tell it to SD and it would get to BM.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2009 at 10:56AM
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ashley1979

You're right, FD. I thought about that after the conversation and I hope he just forgets about it by the time he sees her again.

I didn't want to lie to him, but maybe I said too much. I talked to DH about it and he said not to worry that they rarely talk when she's not here so it'll probably just get blown off.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2009 at 1:42PM
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ashley1979

Ima, she's a psycho! It's totally a ploy so that she looks like the one trying to be cooperative and he's not.

My X does this when it comes to sports money. He always says stuff like "we pay for you to play....". No, he doesn't. He doesn't pay for any of it and hasn't for almost 2 years now. But I just let it go because he's just trying to make himself look like he contributes more to sports than he really does. DS knows he doesn't help financially beyond CS. X told him that himself.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2009 at 3:28PM
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finedreams

me too me too...

My X did that too. He insisted that I sign DD up for horse back riding school, when i said "It is a pricey sport and I am not sure how I am going to handle it".

He said "I will help with the money, don't worry, if that's what DD wants you should sign her up". And he told DD "WE will make sure you go to horse riding school". DD ended up going to riding school and getting involved in equastarian sports, participatiing in competitions etc up until the end of high school.

It was expensive, not only classes but also equipment.

Did my X pay a penny for any of that? No. Never. Where was that "we"?

But kids know. They aren't stupid.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 11:53AM
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imamommy

DH just got a text from BM. She, from her own realm, says:

"Do you think it's wise to sign DD up for sports since we don't know where she will be living? I'm tired of you getting her hopes up when everything is uncertain."

Is she flipping kidding??? SD starts school here on Wednesday and she's asking DH if he wants to meet her halfway today and on Sunday... like SD is going back with her. The court has already said that there won't be ANY changes to the arrangement until the evaluation is done and BM has already said, it's not happening because she can't afford it.

I'm left shaking my head and wondering what's next? Makes me think she has another ploy up her sleeve and this is not over.... UGH!

At least I got a week of peace and relaxation... thinking it was done.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 3:30PM
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nivea

Raising my hand for that one too! DD's father will not only suggest it and talk to her about it, but then she will tell me excitedly what he is doing. Then months will go by without a word, so I bring it up to him to save DD's feelings and he will say he forgot, so I will sign her up and pay for it. And then she will tell him all excitedly on the phone and say thank you, while I just stand there. Yep, Im pretty sure this issue isnt going anywhere.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2009 at 10:02PM
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finedreams

"Do you think it's wise to sign DD up for sports since we don't know where she will be living? I'm tired of you getting her hopes up when everything is uncertain."

huh? SD lives with dad, right? what is BM talking about? are you sure she didn't sign SD up for school in her area and didn't tell DH?

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 10:11AM
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imamommy

We picked up SD last night. BM knows she starts school here on Wednesday. BM asks DH if he had a chance to talk to our lawyer about the cost of the evaluation? She is still acting like it's an ongoing thing where DH needs to do something.

SD will continue to live here and isn't going to be let down unless her mom lets her down. We do everything we say we will. I had to hold my tongue when she said that she's tired of him getting SD's hopes up.... She's the one that has told SD several times that she is going to come live with BM.... SD has told everyone at school, several times, that it's her last day, she won't be back... she's going to live with her mom. Then, she has to go back and face them... I'm sure that isn't pleasant... but it's the position her mom puts her in. I told SD that the only way to avoid it, is to not tell anyone anything until you are for sure. She said she thought it was for sure because her mom told her so.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 10:58AM
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