I spoke too soon about ds16 bd

momof3_stepof1July 30, 2011

Tomorrow my dh and I are going to a pretty big event. Our nephew who is 24 is watching ds11 and ds8. Ds16 is with bd.... going to the same event. Bd wanted us to meet south of the event to get ds16 back. We live north. If we drive south we will get caught up in HUGE traffic and not get home to the littler kids till way late. I told ds16 that we could just meet inside the event and he could leave his stuff there till next time. Ds16 wasn't happy with that cause he wants his stuff, so I asked if he could get a backpack and put it in there to carry with him. (He took a suitcase) He got mad at me and hung up on me. I called him back and yelled pretty good at him. He yelled back and told me that he can't enjoy himself tomorrow because I won't work with his dad and I always get my way. In between all this I offered to let him stay till Monday night or Tuesday morning. His dad has to work Monday 11-11 and same Tuesday. I asked if I could get him Tuesday morning before work. He said he doesn't get up in time. Apparently we are not parking anywhere close.... we park in free parking on the north side... they pay on the south side. (Same dad that can't pay his cell phone bill)

We yelled back and forth for a bit... me mostly telling him he is NOT to speak to me this way. He then said he'd get back to me. I got a text that said we would meet in the event, I asked if he would have his stuff, he said some of it. I said ok.

Then while I'm eating my phone rings. I don't recognize the number but know it's bd's area code. So I answered. He then proceeds to tell me that he has a bag that ds16 can put his stuff in and it's ok to meet at the event. I said ok, that's great. He then tells me that ds16 was upset because my dh said he HAD to go get a bag to put his stuff in. I stood up for dh and said that he never says anything about bd... and really, he doesn't. Especially never to ds16. It then went into some heated argument. I told him that my son should NEVER speak to me the way he did. He said my ds16 did that because he told him to. HA! Isn't that nice. Not only is he not helping me discipline him, he's starting it. He said it's because I never let him have him unless it's convenient for me and that, I don't even know. He said I never talk to him... his phone is turned off and I was never told he has a home phone. He says that's my fault because ds16 knew he did and I live with him. He only gets him when I say so. Which is BS! I was trying to let him keep him longer... oh and he asked to get him Thurs this week and I let him. I almost always say yes unless it's totally last minute. Then he went on to say he's taking me to court in his new city because neither of us live in old city. His new city is our capital. I'm NOT going to court there. I've already tried to get a change of venue for ds11 and couldn't... I tried to explain that to him.... he then yells at me that my dh knows nothing and I need to stop listening to him.... again, my dh isn't saying a word. I am actually the one who knows all the laws and am the one behind dh getting what he deserves from ss bm. I'M THE ONE... NOT DH! He continues to yell at me that we are going to court and it'll be in capital. I kept trying to get a word in edgewise and couldn't. He then hung up on me. I refused to call back.

At 9:30 I got a text from ds16 that he was sorry.

Here's the thing... My order is from 2000. I have NEVER asked for more money. I started a review once and backed out of it. I KNOW I could get more then $66 a week out of him but I just never went through with it. I'm way too nice. I'm going to call child support office Monday and talk to them. I'm sooooo over this.

He was sitting there talking about me badly to my son. I've never done that and now I can't even defend myself. I'm so so so so mad... plus sm's family was all there probably laughing that my son spoke to me like that.

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First off, don't worry if SM or her family was laughing... if they were, they laugh at bad parenting? That makes her a bad parent for thinking it is okay. As much as I dislike my SD's BM, I would never encourage or allow SD to talk to her like that, nor would I enjoy hearing it. I certainly would not have much respect for my DH if he told her to talk to her mom like that.

Why is he changing venue? Is there a hearing on other issues? It seems pointless to move a case for no reason. The reason to move a case if for convenience because the old venue is too far & in your case, neither of you live there but if there are no hearings scheduled, it would be silly to waste the court's time with it.

If he is planning to file for a hearing at the time he asks the court to change venue, that makes more sense. At that point, you should also file:

1: an objection to dispute the change of venue if it is going to mean you have to go further for hearings. If the current venue is more convenient for you than moving it to where he lives, say so. Otherwise you will be driving even further if something comes up in court.

2: a motion to address all issues that need to be addressed, including support. He wants to address issues... address ALL issues. I would also include mentioning that he admitted encouraging your teenage son to talk to you like he did. Teens are hard enough to deal with sometimes & don't need extra encouragement, especially from a parent, to treat the other parent poorly. The judge should hear about that.

Forget what he accuses your DH of... that is probably because he is getting advice & help so he thinks you must be too. Or maybe it's a tactic to get you riled up... like telling you he's taking you to court. Maybe he wants a reaction... so give him one. React with calmness & work diligently to defend yourself in court. Do not defend yourself or your DH to him. He isn't going to listen anyway, that's why you can't a word in edgewise.

Really, you can complain to the court that he talks badly about you to your son. The court will tell him not to & may even hold him in contempt... but they still cannot MAKE him stop talking badly about you. But as your son gets older, he will make his own decision. He may, unfortunately, stick with his dad against you... or he may decide to have less (or nothing) to do with his dad. Especially after he becomes a parent himself... he will understand better how wrong his father is being now.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2011 at 1:34AM
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Wonder how that would work 'Judge, my son's mother won't work with me because when my son does not want to get out of bed earlier than usual to pick him up, son would rather sleep, isnt that terrible of her'.

Or 'Judge, my son's mother refuses to drive south after event, that woman just refuses to accomadate me'...'But Dad, why could you not drive north prior to event and drop kid's things off at his mother's car'....'But but Judge, Sir, that would put ME out instead of me putting HER out' blah blah blah.

I will assume that when Dad simmers down, he will decide just how foolish taking you to court over the north vs the south side of an event and other similar items is. I'll also assume that when kid gets home you will take a few perks temporarily away for kid's part in the 'show down' over the phone.

But if Dad insists, yeah, if going to court be sure to address all the issues as Ima recommended.

I think in the mean time for future visitations, I'd politely text Dad and tell him that you desire all future changes of plans and/or special request be done between the actual adults as putting kid in the middle of things that are decisions for the parents to make should not used as an opportunity to pit kid against one parent or the other.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2011 at 7:12AM
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let him take you to court over this, will see how judge is going to like it, wasting time on nonsense.

i wouldn't worry about SM laughing but i totally know how you feel. my DD was rude at me once in front of SM and i felt totally embarrassed thinking she probably thought DD ALWAYS talks like this to me especially since she was always polite to SM.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2011 at 9:38AM
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I really have NO idea why all of a sudden he is threatening me with going to court. He said that I never talk to him and I explained that I had tried texting him and got no response. He said that his cell was turned off because he has bills and no other money coming into his house from other people like I do.... he means cs. I told him that his support is the ONLY other money I have coming in and it's not much. (He's probably pissed because he knows my ds11 isn't dh's and that we have custody of ss... so now he knows he's the only one paying... I KNOW.... HUGE MISTAKE!) He then said that I could've taken him to court but I backed out... then he began threatening to take me. I'm honestly not sure why. He complained that I only let him have ds16 when it's convenient for me... but that's a lie and he knows it. I have said no when he asks last minute for a week or so because I have to make arrangements for my other kids..... or to get him there. Anytime he's let me know in advance it's been a yes. I know it's in the parenting time rules and guidelines that I'm supposed to get so much notice for extended times.

Also... this summer my ds11 had like 4 baseball tournaments in bd area.... I let him know this ahead of time so he didn't have to drive to the normal meeting spot to get ds16 to me. So I saved him a TON on gas this summer. BUT... now all of a sudden because I didn't want to go against traffic and spend 5 hours getting home to my other kids he was mad.

He's only ever paid support. He still owes me like $2000 for braces.... wait, he's paid $25 for one pair of cleats once that cost me $50. Ok, so he helped me with sports equipment once. That's it. Never helped with school supplies/clothes/shoes/book fees, NOTHING. I asked about contacts and he said he'd let me know. I went ahead and got them, he's never helped out. I took ds16 to Pensacola for arm surgery in Feb... this is a 14 hour drive.... he never helped out with that either. So really..... I don't think he has a leg to stand on with court.

Today after the event I went to the pick up location and he told us to have a safe trip home. I responded with "you too".... that was it. I don't know if that means he's over it or not. I'll still call child support office tomorrow.

When we got home I took ds16's IPOD away and told him no video games till school starts. (Aug 16) Then I made him do some cleaning. (He's doing that now) He knows why without me even explaining.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2011 at 7:42PM
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So, if he has so many bills he keeps the cell phone turned off, how is BF going to take you to court? Lawyers cost money.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2011 at 10:22PM
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