I am having a bad day. It can't be PMS, I had that last week lol. But feeling a little down lately and not sure why.
I was thinking about where my life is now, thinking that I never would have picked to be where I am today...ie raising step kids.
Thinking how unfair it has been to the other kids, that we have had to invest so much time (including theirs) into the skids because of all the issues they have regarding their bio mom.
I got teary eyed watching my little girl sitting on the couch humming to herself and playing with some of her little toys. Why? I think because I realized that her life has been touched and effected by all the negativity that her sister (my sd) has brought into our home. There has been some good too, don't get me wrong. But I was thinking that I never would have chose that for her. It shouldn't be that way.
Her sister talks down to her, and calls her names. She has hit her. But once we found out that it was going on, we put an end to it. We found out that she had been slapping the baby too. My little girl told us. This would happen when we would trust her to watch them when we would go to the store etc. Errands that were much easier accomplished without the babies. We take him now and just endure his little melt downs.
I wonder each week. Is counseling even working? It wouldn't seem so in my eyes. Whenever we have to correct or remind her of something she just gives us her standard "SORRY". Like that takes care of it all, and then it reoccurs. It is like no learning is going on there, no internalizing, and thinking.
She hasn't been putting forth any effort with the friendship relationships. She doesn't call them. A couple girls have called here for her, but she doesn't work on those friendships. Her thing yesterday, was getting off work, playing with the little neighbor kids (her little sisters friends) and then coming in the house to watch a television show. By the time it was over it was too late to call her friend, who had called her days ago, and we also reminded her at dinner that she hadn't returned that phone call yet. She just sat there. Staring at her food. She ate slowly. last one at the table and then some.
I don't understand this girl at all.
I have tried. I have known her since she was 2 years old.
The only thing I can think of is that she does not do relationships of any kind.
Why hasn't her counselor picked up on this?
It is hard for her to maintain her relationships with her dad and I. Put friends in the mix and they are practically non existent. She is going to be 17 in the spring. A junior in high school. She isn't an outcast. She is a pretty girl.
But putting any effort into any kind of a relationship is like torture to her.
She claims to have had b/f's. I don't doubt that they are interested. But none call for her. Not that we are pushing that issue. If she has trouble with relationships the last thing she needs is a b/f. That would be a disaster the way things stand now.
But some friends would be nice.
To see her go hang out at the mall, to go to the movies with someone other than my little sister. To be a teenage girl. That would be something.
I don't wonder if she didn't burn all her bridges when she was hanging out with the gang kids. Now all the "good kids" don't want anything to do with her. The boys that still "like" her are the little gang bangers. No wonder no likable boys will ask her out. She doesn't have the sense to discourage those boys either, because she likes any kind of attention from boys. Whether they are decent boys or not.
I don't know.
I keep thinking too...two years and i am done with it all. No more drama, fighting, non compliance, none of it.
She isn't my kid anyway, why do I even worry about it? The damage, issues are there, and she will eventually have to deal with them at some point, even if she doesn't want to do that now.
Dad is still defending all the little things she does, to the point he will take the blame for it. He is still waking her up on weekends to make sure she gets to work on time. That really makes me angry. She does fine during the week. But he just can't seem to let it be her responsibility.
I just get so down about it all at times. This is one of those times.
Sadness is seeping in.