Power struggle with step daughter
I have aquired a step daughter along with my fiance. She is 7 years old, we get her every other weekend. BM has requested that I not be allowed to pick her up from daycare, or be with her when her father is not there. which is really frusterating because I always want to include her in functions or what have you, and when he works it poses a huge issue for me on monday mornings. Let me start by saying she really likes me, she always wants me around, she calls us from her moms house and wants to talk to me etc.. I treat her very well, and I treat at her as if she were my own...
Recently, I have been having a lot of trouble with him and her and discipline. She runs rampant at our home. She does not listen to her father very well. If he tells her not to do something she will continue doing it. She is extremely hyper as well. We have had many many arguments regarding this because she does not respect me. I tell her no, but I am confused what my role is in terms of discipline? I don't want to discipline her because I don't want her going back to her mom's and saying I was mean to her.. As children do perceive it this way.
She also WILL NOT sleep in her own bed which is driving me insane. She tries to tell me and him whats happening or where we are going or whatever, and I just can't handle it anymore. Everytime we have her it is getting worse and we are fighting when she goes home.
He told me the other day that if i can't handle her then I need to lt him do it and I can't be alone with her at all, but this is not helping because he cant even keep her under control. He is guilty because of the break-up and he also mentioned he does not want her to hate him.. thus will not put his foot down.
I do care a lot about my fiance, and his child but I am really struggling so much that I may need to call it off. I am so scared that our future will be a nightmare because I can see that she has ZERO discipline and this will only get worse as she ages. What to do?