In need of some help.

Melanie1385July 5, 2012

I have been dating my boyfriend for one year and he has a 3 year old son that lives with him. The son and I have gotten along great from the start. He would play with me, interact with me quite often, even tell me he loves me from time to time. I have noticed within the past few weeks he has become very distant and it has gotten to the point where he will not even acknowledge that I am there anymore. When he is asked why the sudden change in behavior by his father, he responds by saying "mommy told me not to be nice". It kills me because we had such a good relationship. It has gotten to the point where the son's constant disrespect has become an issue for my boyfriend and I. he does not understand why I get so frustrated and i don't understand why he can't understand where i am coming from. he has had many talks with his son, but nothing seems to be working. the son has also gotten to the point that every tie my boyfriend and I speak to each other he stands in between and repeats "daddy daddy daddy" until he gets all of my boyfriends attention. I do not know what to do at this point because i do not want this to end up ruining our relationship. If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

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mkroopy

Clearly the biomom is playing games....using the child to get at her ex for some reason. You, as not even a step-mom, but just a GF at this point, need to stay out of it with the child...it's not your responsibility. Leave it to your BF to talk to the child, and the biomom to figure out why she's doing this and for her to know how harmful it is to the child to be used like a pawn like this. Is the mom some type of nut-job?

I think it's entirely within reason to punish the child for disrespectful behavior, regardless if the mom is the one pushing him to do it. But punishments must come from the boys father....not you. Step parents should have very limited, if any, role in the discipline of a child.

Do you live with them?

    Bookmark   July 6, 2012 at 12:51PM
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sylviatexas1

I don't know about punishment;
it might drive the wedge in further.

& this isn't really about the little guy;
it's about your boyfriend's ex using their child to pull strings in boyfriend's life.

bf does need to lay down the law to his son's mother,as a matter between the 2 of them, not involving his son & not involving you.

(If he'd wanted her controlling his life, I guess he'd have stayed married to her...)

    Bookmark   July 6, 2012 at 1:50PM
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colleenoz

I don't think the OP is suggesting punishment, but a big red flag for me is where she says, "he does not understand why I get so frustrated and i don't understand why he can't understand where i am coming from." She also says that BF has "had many talks" with his son. Clearly the "talks" are not having any effect- BF has not communicated well to his son that his behaviour is not acceptable. If BF was serious about it he would be having a serious talk with BM and laying down the law with his son, but he's not doing either.
I suspect nothing will happen to curb BM's using her child to get at who she perceives as her rival and things will be the same as or worse the longer this relationship continues. I can see Melaniel becoming imamommy Mark 2.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2012 at 3:15AM
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sylviatexas1

oops, sorry, I was responding to something said by mkroopy, not OP:

"I think it's entirely within reason to punish the child for disrespectful behavior"

    Bookmark   July 8, 2012 at 1:26PM
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