Step Mother nees a lot of good advice
I need some advice. Yes, let me say sorry this is long winded. I am a Mother and a Step mother, I have four children and my new husband has two. We have been married for a little over a year and have been together for over three years.
About a year and a half my husband's x-wife was put into rehab and his at the time 15 year old daughter had to come and live with us (she will be 17 in september. Her mother drank too much, was never home and sometimes didn't even have food in the house. His kids would call us asking for food, and my husband would go over there and the only thing in the house was some noodles. So we bought them food, mind you we were paying 1200 bucks a month in child support. Technically the child support should have only been about 750 per month. So here we are paying over a grand so their mother can get drunk and not spend it on the kids. So my husband filed for custody while she was in rehab the first of 3 times so far. We won and she now lives with us permanently.
I am not mentioning his son right now because he is 19 and choose not to live with us. Things were going fine, but I started realizing that my husband was over compensating for her, letting her do thing but then yelling at my kids for doing the same thing. Stupid stuff like eating cereal for dinner, she could but mine couldn't. Staying out past curfew but not getting grounded for it, but if my kids were late they didn't go out the next day. Another rule of our house was if you didn't go to school you didn't go outside that day. Hey too sick to go to school too sick to play with friends. But that wasn't the case with his daughter, she stayed home sick then he drover her to a party she was wanted to go too. I wasn't the only one noticing it. My children were getting fed up over it too. They were coming to me whining that he wasn't being fair. I talked to my husband about it, every time he wasn't being fair. Things are much fairer now, but not to his daughters advantage. My husband just started forcing her to live by the same rules and she doesn't like it at all.
Another problem is, she thinks I'm a "nosey snobby brain-washing b*t*h"! Nosey I will give her, I am that. I don't trust her, I know she is sneaky, even when I caught her climbing out her bedroom window after curfewI told her father what she did, and she got introuble but it was my fault she got yelled at. I am an adult; I work really hard and pay half the bills in that house. I make sure all the kids (including her) have what they need for school I even buy her things she wants that she really doesnt need. I make sure all the bills are paid and there is food on the table. So I believe that I have every right to know what is going on in my house!
Yes, I do read her web pages, and I don't see anything wrong with it, if you post on the internet and anybody can read it and after her brother got accused of hacking into some web server I want to know what they do ON line. I don't see why I can't I pay for the internet and I am the one the police will come after if they screw up. I don't search her room. Though when we were gutting our basement so we could turn it into 3 bedrooms I did find drugs while I was packing her things, but I'm supposed to trust her!
Ah the drama goes on, about 6 months ago; his sons (19) boyfriend (22) had no place to live because his mother tossed him out. So we offered him a place to live, granted it wasn't in the house but there was no room with 5 kids already living with us, so we opened up our camper and ran electricity to it. So his son and his sons buddy live for 6 months there, for 6 months they did nothing for us. they didn't mow grass or do any dishes or even offer to cook a meal, you would think they could have ran a vacuum or a broom over the floor, and yes we did mention it to them how they could help out more. But they did nothing they would sleep all day and party all night. My husband's son did work, but his buddy didn't, he didn't even look for work, we told them that the situation was temporary; we told them they had to get jobs and save for an apartment. So when the dead line was up we closed our camper and they had to leave. His son went back to his grand ma's house and his buddy moved in with a friend. They couldn't understand why we were asking them to leave. During those 6 months they brought more chaos to our lives than we needed. My husband and his son fought all the time, pretty much because his son was disrespectful and would tell his father to shut up on his own house. The two boys fought constantly, even to the point where a knife was tossed across my living room while there were little kids in the house. I didn't even want to go to work anymore, because I worried what was going on while I wasn't there. Then right before they left Ed accused the boys of steeling his garage remote. (I wasn't home; I was gone with my two boys at summer camp) See my husband locks his vehicle and sets the alarm every night, but in the morning his car was unlocked and the garage remote was missing. The neighbor saw our garage open around 2 am while he was outside smoking, but he didn't think anything of it at the time. So that's why they were accused of it. I just read today on his sons friends website that it was me who accused them of it. (Yes I am nosey; I already stated that is a big fault of mine!)
So here I am stuck between my kids whining about my husband unfair treatment, my husband complaining about all the kids and his kids thinking I am the worst person on earth. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to run away, while the other part says to ignore them. I want to so tell them all off. I know I am the adult, I know I am supposed to be above petty feelings and juvenile behavior. I just wish if they were going to hate me then they would stop asking me to do stuff for them!
Please don't tell me how horrible I am! Or how it's all my own fault, I am only part of the problem because I'm nosey. I need real helpful advice before I do something stupid like drop to their level!