Reconsidering becoming a stepmom:
I love my fianc�e but we are having a hard time blending his 12 year old and my 7 year old son. I knew from the start that he has a large financial commitment to his ex wife, and I initially thought I could handle it being a professional myself and earning my own income. However, I did not understand the magnitude of the commitment nor that he pays to keep his ex in a very large house in a very wealthy area so that his 12 year old son can have a full time caregiver (his ex wife does not have to work) and go to one of the best schools in the state. My son in the meantime has to be juggled between me and my ex and babysitters as we struggle to make ends meet, his school is not that great, and he cannot participate in extra curricular activities. Again, I knew the deal from the beginning and cannot nor do expect to change a contract that was agreed to long before I met my fianc�e. However, over the months emotions have built up to resentment. When I tried to express my feelings to my fianc�e I was met with what I felt was a very unfeeling and disturbing response. He basically said that he sees no problem with the amount of money he spends because he wants his son cared for by his mother, living in the best neighborhood and going to the best schools. He suggested that if I had any hard feelings about that, then perhaps we should not be together because those feelings would build up and come between us. Also at issue is that 80% of the money paid to his ex is for alimony not child support. He fails to see that he is paying to keep her in a luxury lifestyle while I have to work at a grueling job. He says it is worth it because it is for his son. My issue is not with his son but with the fact that he thinks this is completely fair and I should have no problem with it. I guess my bigger issue rather than the economics of it is that he fails to see how this situation could be hard for me to handle and that I should just accept it. While I am not his "wife" yet, he asked me to be yet it seems perfectly acceptable that me and my son have to accept a lower standard of living than his biological son and his first wife. I am so conflicted by this that I am considering to call off the wedding.
Are my feelings valid or am I being completely unreasonable?