Birth mom bevavior cont.

doodlebooJuly 7, 2009

KKNY made this comment:

"The mom said she didnt understand how schools worked -- I guess she didnt learn that much working the beauty counter at Bloomies."

SO, could someone PLEASE explain to me how this is any less B*TCHY/judgemental than laughing at a CONVICTED felons mugshot? I mmea at least this sales girl SO wasn't breaking the damn law!

Anyone? Anyone?

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imamommy

Well, let's see...

You are a SM. KKNY is not.

and she's edumacated... she knows 'bout these things.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:06PM
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silversword

I think the difference is that people think it's ok to be catty as long as you don't know them.

It's no less judgmental, but you put yourself out there by laughing so uproariously about BM's demise. There is the potential for the girls to be hurt over your comment. It may be the smallest possibility, but it's there. The only people KKNY will hurt are those of us who are salespeople and those people don't count because they are not A. Children and B. Related in some way.

The only mistake the salesgirl made was marrying a man who was A. Content to marry a woman and treat her children as second-class citizens and B. Content to marry a woman and not help her increase her earning potential so that she could provide for the children herself were something ever to happen to him.

How would it be to be the children in this situation. Well, your S-brother can go to a nice college, but you can go to public school because you aren't my kid.

I think s-parents SHOULD be responsible for the children in the relationship if they marry into that situation. If you don't want kids or to be responsible for kids, DON'T MARRY SOMEONE WITH KIDS!!! There are plenty of single childless people out there.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:09PM
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silversword

Nevermind the above post. I want a retraction. I'm gonna go with:

What Ima said...

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:11PM
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doodleboo

Silversword-

She says the exact same type things about her husbands girlfriend/wife or whatever she is.

I did laugh at BM the same way I laughed when O.J. SImpson finally got arrested. I can't help it. I can also say the girls will never look up the post. There is the slightest possible fraction of a chance but there is also the same slightest possible fraction of a chance J and I couold win the lottery.

Even if the girls fifteen years from now found my posts, I don't think it would matter. BM will be dead without a shadow of a doubt. They will have (if BM continues on her road) never had a real relationship with her. They will probably resent her because we can already see signs of it starting. I will have been mom since they were babies and they will understand that the reason I hated their mother was because of the things she did to them and sadly they will hate her for the same reasons.

This is sad and harsh to say but it's what is going to happen. They will be the kid who says "My mom died when I was kid. I never really knew her. She was a white trash junkie that dumped me and my sister off with my dad. My step mom was my mom." i know people my age who say this about their biological parents or at least a version of it.

I'm not really worried about the girls ever being angry at me for not liking their mother. I suspect when they get older, adults, we will talk about it and I will be totally honest about how I felt through all of this.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:21PM
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doodleboo

HAHAHAHAHA...on the retraction:)

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:22PM
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shannon2356

Doodleboo, when you said: "Anyone? Anyone?"

The first thing that popped into my head was this: (from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off")!!... LOL....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5si6PIEVwo

Oh Never mind, I want to go with Silver on the retraction and go with what Ima said too :D :D :D

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:28PM
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silversword

"HAHAHAHAHA...on the retraction:)"

There you go laughing again Doodle. You'd better watch yourself!

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:33PM
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sylviatexas1

so now the subject requires a second post?
even though the first post hasn't filled up?
& even though the subject is kkny, the title of this post is "Birth mom" etc?
so is everyone now to abandon the previous thread (where there's a lot of dissension) & just post on this one?

Assuming that's the case, here's what I posted on the first thread, not realizing that it was to be abandoned:

A lot of posters have made the occasional tacky comment about the other women in their lives or in their husbands'/boyfriends'/children's/stepchildrens' lives.
but no, that is not the same as all-out, vicious, repetitive, obsessive assaults on another person.

It isn't the same as spending good, useable time looking up the person on the internet & rejoicing that she looks bad in orange & that her failures are public record & then spending even more time arguing with everyone who objects to the viciousness of the attack.

It is not the same as saying you wish another person would just die.

It is not the same as opining that children probably wouldn't like their own mother if they knew "the truth" about her.

& if it were *exactly* the same, it would not justify similar behavior.

I didn't realize that your husband has a history of drug use, too...

maybe you obsess about the ex-wife because, at some level, you realize that he could have easily gone down the same road as the mother of his children.

Having engaged in the same behavior as his ex, if he hadn't been lucky enough to have a metabolism that simply isn't susceptible to addiction, he'd be in exactly the same condition as his ex.

one of those "there but for the grace of God" things.

Maybe you should devote a little time to that Christian religion you profess to believe in, you know, the one that teaches kindness & charity & humility & not casting the first stone & stuff like that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:34PM
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doodleboo

Buzz off and for the record I said we were starting to go to church not joining a convent.

There is no law against laughing at a mugshot. That is the only thing I am concerned with at this point.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:37PM
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lovehadley

OMG Sylvia. Lay off of Doodle already!

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:39PM
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silversword

"so now the subject requires a second post?
even though the first post hasn't filled up?
& even though the subject is kkny, the title of this post is "Birth mom" etc?
so is everyone now to abandon the previous thread (where there's a lot of dissension) & just post on this one?"

Sylvia, I think you aren't following too closely and owe Doodle an apology. See this thread:

Birth Mom Behavior - Original Thread

In that thread, pretty close to the bottom, is this post:

RE: Birth mom behavior
Ă‚Posted by kkny (My Page) on Tue, Jul 7, 09 at 9:18

"Shannon, I don't see why it is Dad's responibiltiy to provide college or a downpayment for kids that aren't his. Apparently the SMs think dad should pay for stepkids. Thats life -- different people regard things differently. I think SMs are only kidding themselves that this wont create strife.
My poll of friends and family think unless the stepkids have been living with dad since around age 2, that would be unusual, and most of the men I know say that they might pay, but be resentful and be silent but regard it a cost of keeping the peace. One of my neighbors did pay some for SD, but only at a public school, while his kids went to private school, and then name private universities. The mom said she didnt understand how schools worked -- I guess she didnt learn that much working the beauty counter at Bloomies. But at least he paid for the first two years for SD. They are now divorced, so he is no longer paying."

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:42PM
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silversword

Also, the image of KKNY taking a poll of friends and family and also discussing this with "most of the men" she knows this quickly is hilarious.

ring ring... hello, Dave? Yes, KKNY here. What do you think about this issue... if you had a stepchild, at what age would you have to marry their mother in order for you to feel you're responsible to pay for their college? Two? Ok, thanks. See you at dinner tomorrow!

ring ring... hello, Mark?

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 12:46PM
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kkny

No silver, these are the guys I work, neighbors etc, who over the course of years, have complained etc.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 1:32PM
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imamommy

My husband came home one night & told me that a guy at work is going to get divorced. It got all the guys there talking of how they felt they were screwed over in their divorces... I'm sure there are similar conversations in workplaces across the country.. maybe worldwide.

Is that a fair poll? Is it really representative of what happens in courtrooms/lawyers offices everywhere? Does that mean that is the norm? Or is that just THEIR perception? Maybe the ex wives of these same men are saying the opposite... that they got screwed and didn't get everything they deserve.

It's ALL perception...

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 1:45PM
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wild_thing

No clue why Kkny even posts here if she is not a step parent. But anyway....

Sylvia,,wth is your problem? So high and mighty you are. Be careful... you might get hurt falling off that pedestal.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 5:35PM
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finedreams

if everything is perception then maybe there is no point to discuss anything.

there are things that are facts and statistics, there is statistics showing thet women's situation worsenes significantly after divorce.

it is not only about money, personally i don't know divorced woman who are striving, they all take care of the kids full time, while guys have a lot of free time on their hands to pursue dating scene again.

women need to have a baysitter every time they go out, guys need none of that.

of course there are custodial dads out there, but they usually are married and their wives watch the kids. very few single men are custodial dads. and men usually apply/get full custody only after they are in stable relationship or married. women have custody when they are single and have no men to watch their kids. divorced men can work two jobs, while women can barely hold one job because they have no one to watch the kids, also if kids are sick women take time off work. men continue working kids sick or not.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2009 at 9:00AM
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didi_2009

WOW! I haven't checked back to this forum for a while because I thought after I posted a second post, it would just sort of fizzle out. My post seems to have brought out some awfully strong feelings in people.

I posted on this forum to try to get some perspective on an issue I'm struggling with. Some of the input I've found helpful. Some is clearly from people projecting their own issues--me a sales clerk from Bloomingdales and my DH in a porsche?? How sexist!

Imamommy--you are right in that my situation most closely resembles your own, right down to the kid in counseling because her Dad's pulled out of her life.

In hindsight I find it humorous that people fight so much to get a fair divorce, because there really is no such thing as fair. Life happens to people, situations change, sometimes people really aren't up to emotionally fulfilling the roles they're supposed to fulfill and it doesn't really matter what's fair or how things are "supposed to be". I'm not sure who said it, but I agree that being a step-parent is about so much more than money. Sometimes fighting for what's fair is on one side of things, and doing what's best for the emotional functioning of the family is on the other side. You have to choose.

    Bookmark   August 1, 2009 at 1:14AM
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sassymom12

"No clue why Kkny even posts here if she is not a step parent. But anyway.... " Is this true?

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 1:12AM
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imamommy

KKNY is not a step parent. KKNY is divorced and has a 16-17 year old daughter that lives with her. Her exH cheated on her and now lives with TOW aka 'eye candy'. KKNY's DD does not visit his home, she has dinner with him once a week.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 1:35AM
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