In and out in 30 minutes!

lovehadleyJuly 2, 2009

BM HAD TO SIGN!!!!!!!

There is now an addition to the parenting plan! It states BM will not consume alcohol 4 hrs prior to and during custody/visitation of her son. IF she violates it, it is a police-calling offense!

WOOHOO!

DH and I are thrilled! It is finally 100% on court record that she has a drinking problem. And she is being held accountable.

It was so quick and easy! Our attorney was prepping us for a hearing and a fight, and was strongly warning us that we might not get it.

Anyway, it went like this---got to court, and the attorneys and GAL all conferred. The GAL proposed this addition to the parenting plan and, as expected, BM and her attorney said no way, not signing.

Then our attorney said that's fine, but we are going to ask for a hearing today, and do you really want to put your client through the embarrassment of having to sit on the stand and testify about her behavior that night, her DWI, etc? She said WE are ready to proceed with that, but think about if this is REALLY what your client wants to do.

Then the GAL stepped forward and told the attorneys that he feels BM has a problem and he fully supported a hearing and that he was going to recommend supervised visits to the judge if it went to a hearing.

So basically a little strong-arming worked! BM and her attorney consulted for a few minutes and BM consented to the order!

We were asking for 12 hrs prior, didn't get that, but we did get 4! So she cannot drink 4 hrs prior to having SS or anytime during her custody time.

It's over, it's done, and hopefully this is the LAST time we will be in court! And it was so quick--seriously, we were in and out in less than 30 minutes!

SO, SO HAPPY!

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imamommy

congrats!!!

Give her enough rope, she'll hang herself. Now, if she does anything stupid while SS is with her... well, hopefully she won't.

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 12:09PM
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sweeby

Congratulations!
Enjoy the win --

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 12:25PM
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silversword

Glad to hear it. I'm sure that will be better for SS in the long run.

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 12:31PM
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doodleboo

GREAT NEWS LOVE!

Hopefully this will get her in check. If she's anything like Bm though she'll blow it and wind up arrested. At least there is an order in place to bust her now:)

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 3:47PM
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ceph

Yahoo!

    Bookmark   July 3, 2009 at 2:04AM
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liesbeth

I'm very happy for you!!:-)

    Bookmark   July 3, 2009 at 2:59AM
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finedreams

great!!!! i am glad it worked.

But....

the only problem i see how to enforce her not drinking. how can anyone know if she drank 4 hours prior or not? unless you constantly give her tests how would you monitor it? even if she drinks wiht SS present. unless she gets seriously drunk and gets in big trouble who is going to know if she drinks or not?

    Bookmark   July 3, 2009 at 12:06PM
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lovehadley

Good points, FD and, unfortunately, they are very true.

This is not really an enforceable order, short of BM being completely trashed and calling DH or something.

BUT what it does do is put her drinking problem 100% on court record. And THAT is worth a lot, if not now, then down the road should her drinking escalate.

I really believe she is an alcoholic. And alcoholics, without treatment, get worse because it is a progressive thing. If I look at BM now compared to 5 years ago--she might go OUT to bars less b/c she has two kids, and is *busier.* But she drinks more at home than ever before AND she has done things over the course of time I never would have thought.

Never would have thought she'd ditch her son on Christmas Eve to get drunk. But she did. She wouldn't have a few years ago.

Never would have thought she would drink her way through an entire pregnancy. But she did.

Never would have thought she would get a DWI. But she did.

Never would have thought she would actually try to drive with her son while drunk. But she did.

She used to be better at keeping her drinking *separate* from SS. She would go out and party it up on the nights he was with us, but not when she had him. But as her drinking worsened, she was unable to separate it as well. It started with her drinking wine at home. Then she started going out drinking and leaving her hubby home with the baby AND SS.

So she has definitely gotten worse over the years, espeically in terms of exposing SS to it. My guess is if she doesn't get into recovery, she will eventually screw up again. And if/when she does, and it affects SS, we have the court record that she has a drinking problem.

I hate to even talk like this because obviously the BEST THING would be for her to get herself together. SS needs her in his life.

BUt if she doesn't do that--and when she messes up again, this order puts my DH in a good position to go for full custody. He has proof, on court record, in their custody file, that she has a drinking problem.

Also---BM has been all talk about filing a motion to modify school district and even though we weren't really that worried about it, it was still a concern. But as our attorney pointed out, NO JUDGE is gonna give her back residential custody when she clearly has a problem with alcohol....because at some point, my DH could wind up with primary custody.

and if her drinking gets worse, and it is affecting SS, DH absolutely will go after it.

    Bookmark   July 4, 2009 at 3:45PM
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kkny

I wish you the best. My guess is she will either improve or fall down further. Having the order is important, to document the history of problems, and not just your word.

    Bookmark   July 4, 2009 at 4:23PM
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