BM's DH has a 12 yr old DD. (or is she 11? I can't remember. Pretty sure she is 12 but either way...)
This DD is not his bio-daughter. Not sure what the history was but he basically dated her mother, then they broke up, then they got back together several years later, and this little girl was 2-3 yrs old at the time.
He knew she was not his (so I've heard from BM)but loved her mom and married her, and signed the birth certificate. I guess no man had been there when the baby was born and when this guy married her mom, he wanted to be the father, so they did an affidavit of paternity, and he "as good as adopted her."
So then they ended up getting divorced and he has had 30-40% custody. He has her about 2-3 nights a week on average; in the last few years, he has been working out of town a lot, being gone for 6-8 weeks at a time, so his schedule has been strained and the ex-wife is not pleased.
He has always had to pay $380/month in child support.
Well--shocker here--now that he and BM had two more kids, and BM doesn't work, they cannot afford the child support.
So BM asked DH the other day if she could talk to ME about a step family issue. DH said "absolutely not, inappropriate." And that is when she rambled this whole thing out.
Apparently, a law was passed in our state in 2009 that says it doesn't matter if a father is on the birth certificate, if he is not the bio-father, he can get out of child support. BUT this comes with losing all paternal rights.
A) I am not sure this is accurate. Given the fact that this man is the ONLY dad the girl has known AND the fact that he's been her dad for ten years, I don't know that this law would help him. I am thinking it has more to do with someone who signs the birth certificate NOT KNOWING he is not the bio-father. This guy obviously knew.
B.) I think this is crap!
This is, apparently all BM's doing. She was complaining to DH that they can't afford the $380 plus $100 for back support. Well no _____ sherlock! You had not one, but TWO more babies, so between the two of you, you've got four kids! And you don't work and your DH has no real skills or career. Until something changes--you are never going to get ahead.
So her answer is this?
Apparently, her DH is on board and has gone to his ex wife and begged her to let him out of the child support--he owes it to HER, not the state--but she won't. She turned him over to child support enforcement a year ago and then his license was suspended, yada yada.
UGH. So I get that they're struggling but I think this is just so awful. In short, BM was telling DH that her hubby is going to tell his daughter he's not her bio-dad (she doesn't know) and that he hopes her mom will still let him be in her life.
BARF. It makes me sick. In essence--he is choosing saving a few hundred dolllars a month over his DAUGHTER. AND---you know---he could get another job, a second job, or he could try to get a modification in support or, ya know, BM could (gasp) work! There are options other than THIS here.
DH pretty much told BM just that and said there was no way she needed to discuss any of this with me, and that she is NOT to even attempt to contact me.