Step Mum in distress
Help, I have 20yr old daughter and 19yr old SD. Married 8 yrs.Girls very different,mine very independant and hard worker, SD has been spoon fed and very lazy. I have tried to discipline and ask for respect but now no response. Lies in bed all day, room a disgrace, disrespectful,steals, verbal. 3 months ago she informed me she would make me and her dad divorce, well I think is coming to that. Dad very poor with discipline, anything for a quiet life. SD has lived with us now for last 2 years as her Mum won't have her. Things were ok with us before.Dad always threatens punishments, ie take car off her but nothing ever followed through.Just uses OUR house as a hotel.Just her name now makes me angry.Dad will not kick out, which I understand and dont expect, I just want her to respect and adhere to the house rules. Dad has now decided to rent somewhere for her to live ... lets not solve the issues lets just put her in a nice flat ahhhhh. The issues are not solved by moving her out. He thinks its better for me and her which I agree when she is not there there is no problem.Her grandparent gives her money and does not back us when we ask her not to. My husband is constantly nagged at by his Mum, thinking we or me are too hard on her so we have 3 adults in our relationship.He says he has to try and please everyone. SD lost her job last week and today I found out that husband and gran knew but decided not to tell me and would deal with it in there way, they are now trying to find a job for her, she's nearly 20 why cant they make her take responsibility for herself, she will never grow up.We had this with my daughter at 14ish and I put my husband first and told her that, where as now is telling me his daughter comes first.... I feel so lonely and like I am being made to be the problem not the SD. I just can't understand why they can't see that they are not helping her or me or themselves.Any advice?