new partner/stepfather issues
My new partner and myself live with my 3 kids (15,11,10) full time. I split from the kids father after 21 years..Obviously at first,things were hard,but we are happy in the main,and my new partner is very good to me and the kids. The only issue is my middle child. She has always been a very demanding child,moreso than my other 2..my partner hates the way she treats me sometimes,he says I give in to her every demand,I can't say no to her etc. The thing is,he has a fiery temper. It takes a heck of a lot to make him lose his cool,but once he does,his gruff manner is genuinely upsetting...he will blow his top,but will apologise shortly after and usually all is forgotten. He has lost his cool on several occasions with my daughter,and she usually sulks in her room,but last night,she asked if she could have a shower at 11.30pm. I saw no problem with this,but she maybe took a bit longer than was necessary,so when she came out,my partner lost it and bellowed at her,whereupon she and my younger son were in tears and this reduced me to tears too.She said she "didn't like him" and she "missed her dad" I think there is a way of speaking to kids,and think he does go over the top sometimes,if I find his bellowing frightening,what must a 10 and an 11 year old feel?..the atmosphere was frosty all evening after this,he said he had had enough of the way "she walks over you",he likes my kids the same,but feels my middle child has a "hold over me" that he can't figure out. Like I say,he is great with kids (he is a great father to his 19 year old daughter),and is kind and at their level,I admit I may be too soft at times and he is the strict one when it's needed,but I am finding difficulty with these losses of temper on occasion,and resent my daughter being spoken too in a manner which I would never employ. Apart from this,they have settled in better than I thought,although ultimately,you never really know how a child's young mind works.Does anyone think I should toughen up like he says,or should he calm down like I say?...I am clueless as to how to handle this.