DS dad

wild_thingJuly 29, 2009

Okay, so I have had no issues with my ds's dad up till now.

He lives in another state btw. Anyway, So he was laid off from his job a few months back. Things are tough all over, and the economy thing has hit everyone. We get that, we totally understand.

So when he doesn't pay his child support I was cool with that. Let him get back on his feet, blah blah blah.

He started a new business. I think it was going okay, because his wife had added myself and my ds to her facebook, and we got to read the updates from her. Last I read, she was surprised at how well the business was doing. I thought cool, then he will start paying his child support again. Low and behold, she disappears off facebook completely!

.It has been like five months now since he paid anything. It isn't even a large amount for goodness sake, he probably pays more for his cell phone bill....I kid you not!! But it has always been pocket money for our son.

So he wanted to come and get ds when school first got out last month. Ds told him that he wanted to look for a job and that he would let him know how that went first. (our son is 15 almost 16).

Job hunting was tough, no job yet. So he tried to get a hold of his dad so he could go for a visit for a week. His dad has not got back to him. At all.

WTF?!

I am a pissed off mom.

I have always been very open to his dad, and left their relationship to them. When he was little I of course was the go between, but since he has gotten older, and has a cell phone and the computer, I leave it to them.

Do you think I should call him? I don't know if son would want me to.

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organic_maria

I think you should call him. There is nothing wrong in calling and ask him the last time on facebook the business was going well. Is it still the case and when will CS be reinstated. Regardless if its pocket change, its money for your son. My friend use to get about 80 bucks per month for her child support...so it helps her son, he's a teen too and that totally his money.
You know, maybe the business hit rock bottom and she can't afford having internet too wildthing. Sounds like you guys are very open with one another and she did place you on the site...so i'm guessing things went south and they are tight for bills....internet is a luxury...not a necessity...
I know you are pissed. But calm down...give a call and see what is happening.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 9:51AM
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finedreams

I would of course call him. I would ask about CS and DS visiting. unless you call, you would not know what is the issue here, we can only guess.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 9:59AM
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lovehadley

I think I would call him....unless you think your DS for some reason would really be upset if you did.

"I don't know if son would want me to."

Why do you think he might not want you to call him?

You could talk it over with DS and see what he wants you to do.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 11:53AM
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finedreams

I can call my X any time I want and never needed to ask DD's permission. Why can't you call? Seems strange, what's the big deal?

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 12:42PM
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imamommy

I wouldn't take everything she said on FB at face value. She may not want her friends to think they are hurting... says stuff to save face when it's not really the case. I agree with Maria, she may have lost her internet. That should be the first thing to go when things get tight.

If you've gotten along with him up to now, I'd call him and in a non confrontational way, ask him how it's going... when do you think you'll be able to send something? (I would only address the CS)

Is it that your son doesn't want you to call about the visit? If you've left their relationship to them this long and it's always worked out okay, I'd leave it alone. At his age (15 going on 16), the relationship is going to change because your son's priorities and interests are going to change and kids that age don't necessarily need to spend the same amount of time with their parents to maintain a relationship. It could be that your son wants to handle his own relationship with his dad and that's a healthy thing for him to do.

But, don't let what she writes on FB or that she deleted you as a reason to jump to conclusions that dad is doing great and shirking his responsibility. I'd talk to him first before I'd get upset about it. If he tells you he has no money but talks about his new iphone... then get pissed!

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 2:29PM
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kkny

I don't know how you normally contact your X, but I would be inclined to contact X and see if there were some problem as to visiting that could be resolved.

As to money, my advice is give some people an inch and they will take a mile. Why is Dad paying so little for CS? I think you need to address that situation. Unless you have oodles put away for DS' college, I would suggest you get max you can for CS and start a college fund.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 3:14PM
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wild_thing

I spoke too soon lol.
I got his entire payment today, and he also called our son and told him they are thinking about sunday to come and get him for a visit.
He has been super busy. He is a 24 hour service I guess. My bad. But at least all is good now.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2009 at 7:15PM
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finedreams

good news. glad you got CS. I am a bit concerned though how very little CS he pays unless of course you have an agreement for your X saving for DS's college or some similar arrangement. Since he is nto seeing your son that often i would think he has to pay a bit more CS.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 11:13AM
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kkny

I agree with FD. College will be here before you know it. Please please dont take the position that if DS wants to go to college, he'll find a way. That is not fair to you son.

Peace.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 1:00PM
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finedreams

I wondered if CS is so small because dad is saving the rest for college? other than that what other reasons? unelss of course dad works for minimum wages.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 1:04PM
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wild_thing

Yes, he plans on helping to pay for college.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 4:31PM
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wild_thing

plus he is helping me pay for the orthodontist.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 4:43PM
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kkny

Wild thing, I would really caution you that you should be thinking about formalizing something.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 5:47PM
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ashley1979

College should never take the place of every day support.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 6:23PM
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kkny

Yes, Ashley if CP doesn't "need" everyday support, she can put into college account. And should. Peace.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2009 at 7:42PM
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finedreams

I agree with kkny that if every day support is not needed as much, mom and dad could decide if that money could be put into college account. ashley, some CPs make very decent money and CS does not make that much difference, hense that money could be put towards future college expenses.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2009 at 8:29AM
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