step children problems

Deb1972July 12, 2013

hello I am new to this site, I just really feel like I need to get some response from other that maybe in a similar situation, my partner and I have been together for 3 years and lived together for about 18 months, I have 2 daughters 11 & 9 that live with us full time, and he has 4 children 15,13,11&6, my children have a fairly good relationship with him, they are respectful to him, as i have always brought them up to respect any adult, unfortunately, i don't get the same from his children, they are so rude and disrespectful, to me and are nasty to my children, particulary my youngest, and saying that they are also rude and disrespectful to thier father, this mainly all stems from my partners ex-wife, who is pretty much a nut case, she has honestly put this poor man through hell and back, and has tried to bankrupt him, she has tried her hardest to turn these children against thier father, particulary since he has been with me, she has only met me a few time, she has rubbished me and my children, to thier children so much that she has brain washed them, it is a very hard situation, as a result of her negetive influance, he hardly see his 3 youngest children, as they don't come to stay alternative w/ends like they're meant to, sad to say they only come when they know they're going to get something, the oldest boy has always come, and he actually lived with with us for 9 months, i tried so hard to get on and communicate with him, but i very rarly got anything back, he would just rather ignore me, so after a few months, i guess i gave up tryin to talk to him, he wouldn't speak to my children either, the only person in our house he talked to was his father, so after 9 months he decided to move back to his mothers, the trouble i had with him and still have, is he is a teenager that needs a lot of disapline, and does not get if from his mother, he does not like me saying the littest of things to him and ny partner he in a hard situation, and i honstly feel for him, as he seems scared to come down to hard on him, incase he pushes him away, as he feels he is his only link to his other children, but in the mean time is not geeting the disapline in really needs, my partner and i have never let any of our kids come between us and talk a lot, but the latest epsoide an argument betwwen his son and i, the boy was being a real smart ass to his father, and kept going even when his father told him stop, so i spoke up and had a go at him, it was after that, that my partner told me to let him deal with his son, he basically told me not to disapline his children, if i have a problem go to him and he will deal with it, but i am quite happy for him to disapline mine, his reasoning is yours live with us, mine don't, i was quite gutted by his comment.

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emma

Do you rally want 6 kids, do you love this guy so much that all reason has left you? You are not to discipline his children but you are going to let him discipline your children? Your children will end up hating him, he is not their father.

You need to read your own post nothing positive in it. His kids are nasty to your kids. You are really going to put your kids in this kind of situation. Your kids come first, your duty is to protect them above all else.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2013 at 10:21AM
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amyfiddler

Protect your kids.

    Bookmark   July 15, 2013 at 10:34AM
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Amber3902

Your situation is sort of similar to mine. I didnâÂÂt have a problem if my BF mentioned something about one of my daughterâÂÂs behavior. But if I ever mentioned something about his sonâÂÂs behavior, heâÂÂd get defensive and it would cause an argument.

The problem is the two of you have different parenting styles. Your BF is a wimp. He is scared to discipline his children. He does not enforce visitation. It doesnâÂÂt matter if the kids donâÂÂt want to come, he should make them come. BM is violating a court order if she does not allow the kids to visit.

Also, you have no problem with your BF discipling your kids, but he has a problem with you correcting his. This is a double standard that is not going to work.

You are in a situation where your children see someone their age disrespect their elders and get away with it. It will eat you up inside, not only will you have to put up with a sullen, disrespectful teenager, but you will feel the unfairness towards your own children who do behave.

This was one of my concerns with my exBF. I knew it was not fair to my kids to live with someone who was allowed to misbehave while they were punished for the same offenses.

I also cannot tolerate bad behavior in children, any child for that matter. And living with a child who constantly back talked and didnâÂÂt mind would be very stressful for me. On top of that, having to keep quiet about all the bad behavior would drive me insane.

You are trying to make excuses for your BFâÂÂs poor parenting, but in the end you know he is to blame. He is the one that does not want you to discipline his son. He is the one that allows his son to get away with things.

Good parents donâÂÂt worry theyâÂÂre going to push their children away when they discipline them. They arenâÂÂt scared to discipline their children when they need it. There are legal remedies your BF can take if the BM is trying to turn the children against their father or denying visitation, so thatâÂÂs no excuse.

Your SS knows he has the upper hand with his father and has no respect for him. On top of that, he sees his dad telling you not to discipline him, giving the child even more power.

It sounds like your BF does not agree with your kind of parenting. For my relationship, we both tried to compromise but even when I tried to relax and he tried to be stricter we still couldn't come close enough for the relationship to work. Differences in parenting cause breakups even in intact families.

This post was edited by Amber3902 on Tue, Jul 16, 13 at 10:29

    Bookmark   July 16, 2013 at 9:58AM
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