My wife and child hate one another.
My wife and I started dating in late 2008. At first, she and my son got along famously. When she would come over, he would crawl up in her lap and she would love on him. She would watch him play video games, talk to him about school and the things he enjoyed, they would watch television together. They were great friends.
One night, she kept my son for me to attend a meeting. When I returned to pick him up, she was crying and he was smiling. He had refused to pick up his toys in preparation for my arrival. She made him stand in the corner until he was ready to pick up his toys, which never came to pass. At one point, he told her, "Me and my daddy are going to move far away and not tell you where we're going so you can never see us again!" She wanted to end our relationship then and there. That probably would have been the best decision.
Their relationship continued in this manner for some time. Since I had joint custody of him, the real problems were only on my seven-day visitation. Nothing too bad on my three- and four-day visits.
Well, we decided to get married in the late summer of the following year. Their relationship continued with me telling her to discipline him and not take his abuse and telling him he needed to be respectful of her, myself, and our marriage.
Then, we had a child together. As if flipping a switch, my wife went from victim to tyrant. However, her anger was not focused on him. I endured the brunt of it. We started attending family counseling along with my ex-wife. My son also attended personal counseling. We made no progress.
In 2011, my ex-wfe decided to move with her husband out of state. The initial decision was for my son to remain in this state and in my custody. However, he became aggressive and eventually struck his little brother (ex-wife's son) several times in the head causing a mild concussion. My wife told me that he could not live with us because she would not subject herself to the anxiety or our son to the threat of bodily harm. Therefore, the decision was made for my oldest son to live with his mother in another state.
This caused even more trouble between my wife and child. Now, my son resents her because he cannot live with me and she resents him for the emotional torture he has inflicted upon her over the years.
The custody decision was made in July of 2011. The next month, August, I discovered that my wife was having an affair with a co-worker and long-time friend. Of course, I felt betrayed, but I bore the weight of fault on my shoulders. I told her that it was my fault more than hers because I was incapable or unwilling to communicate with her which eventually pushed her to have the affair. I resolved to try harder and be a better husband and she vowed the same.
Over the following months, I did everything I knew to do, and many of those things were extremely difficult for me. How do you speak candidly with a person who has betrayed you so? How can you trust that person ever again? To top off those feelings, she became more demanding, threatening several times to leave.
One particular time, she threatened to leave and I told her to get out, that it was over, that I would take no more of these threats, and that I was no longer able to cope with her infidelity nor her hatred for my son. That was on a Friday. I worked nights that weekend, and helped her pack during the day with the expectation that she would be moved out by Sunday afternoon.
I got home that Sunday morning and decided to sleep a little before helping her move her things to her parents' house. When I awoke from my nap, she was crying beside me in bed. She told me, basically, everything I wanted to hear. I also told her that, whether he did or not, she was going to have to try to make things better with my son. I also told her that she would have to understand that I may never be able to forgive her her trespasses, and I had no intention of doing so in the near future. She agreed that that would be okay and that she would stay in spite of my admissions.
Here I am just a few months later. My job is relocating me to another city 120 miles from here. My wife is still vengeful toward my son and is very unhappy about the move. She comes up with another plan to keep us at home almost weekly. I have been with my company for nearly eight years, and I have excellent benefits including a stellar retirement. I have no intention of leaving my job and the future it can provide for my children and my wife (if she sticks around).
I do not want to lose my wife, but the combination of her relationship with my son and her infidelity are tearing my emotions apart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the affair or the absence of my child. I don't know what to do to fix either of these problems.