Aggravated and hurt
Let me begin by stating that I'm not married and was not in the past. My son is 8 yrs and his BD has always been in the picture but a bad influence of a man child. My ex is out right lazy and looking for a constant hand up. He didn't finish high school because he didn't feel like going. Works minimum wage because he doesn't want to be management. Lives in a broken down house because instead of fixing things he pretends they are fine. Has every video game system and plays games more then the average teenager although my ex is 30. Sorry to rant but I wanted to show a clear image of this guy. My Ex has the gift of gab and can convince almost anyone to do a favor for him. My ex has influenced my son to the point where I cannot tell my son the sky is blue if his dad says its green. My son will somehow try to make sense of the b***s*** and tell himself it's true. He loves his dad and looks up to him. But my ex is more like a 8 year old friend then a father.
My boyfriend of 2 years is a great person and loves both my son and I with all his heart. Has stepped up when it comes to my son. (Taught my son how to tie his shoes, ride a bike, bought a winter coat for my son after a few months of dating because my paycheck wasn't processed by my bank fast enough, etc.) We three live together and my ex sees my son on the weekends at his parents house via a court order I had put in affect.
Unfortunately my boyfriend feels seriously disrespected when my son boasts about how awesome his dad is and all the cool video games they play together (all day long). My sons lack of hygiene and laziness he gets away with with his dad because like most kids, if the shower and/or cleaning up after himself isn't fun or entertaining they want nothing to do with it and his father isn't cleanly either nor does he pay enough attention to notice that my son isn't brushing his teeth or leaving his bed sheets dry. (My son wets the bed on occasion) My son and my ex disagree on a lot of things especially on Sundays when he picks up my son while I'm at work. I keep telling my boyfriend that my son is still young and will only look up to his father until he realizes what an idiot he is. (Hopefully in a few months to another year) My boyfriend thinks my son looks at him like a money tree. And that my ex and his family talk crap about us to my son.
I want my son to realize his dad's fault and understand the need to keep his praises to himself so my boyfriends feeling are spared but I don't want him to not love his father, hide who he is, or feel pressured into doing things he doesn't enjoy just to keep one or both men happy. I would have loved it if my ex walked away before birth but alias I'm stuck. if he walks or I get him out of my sons life now, I'm not entirely sure of the repercussions. How will my son fair?
In the mean time how do I keep my boyfriend and eventually my husband from hating and eventually resenting my son. Arguments ensue every time we discuss my son and his fathers influence, lack of child support payments, laziness levels, attitudes from my son. I don't want either of them to have to choose one or the other but life without my exes influence on my son would be awesome and easier.
Help. Advice. Input. I'm out of options.