husband's time spent with step-children
I am new to the boards and not up to par on all of the abbreviations, yet so forgive me for the longhand. I will give you the background on my situation and then ask my questions. I am looking for insight and advice and I am not perfect.
My husband and I have been married for one year. He has two children from his first marriage that live 3 Â½ hours away with their mother. I have a son from my first marriage that lives here with us.
My husband does not have a normal work schedule. He works different shifts that change every three months or so or sometimes more often. He also does not have weekends off. He usually has two days off a week, but not always and the days change.
He sees his children every other time he has two days off. He leaves here and goes to the town where they live, picks them up and takes them to his fatherÂs house. These trips can sometimes be three nights long because of his schedule. My son and I do not go because it is always during a time that we are both either working or in school.
We have had his house that he had before we married for sale and we live in the house I had before we were married. Twice, his sister has driven his children here to his house, and my husband has gone over there to stay with them for a couple of days. We were not invited. We have all been together in the same house once and it was this summer. His daughter is 13 and she was all over him and in his lap a lot and hanging on him. I know I am supposed to be the adult, but it about drove me crazy. I also learned that he is much harder on my son (his stepson) than he is his own children. Is that fair?
I know that I am an adult and that I should support the relationship that he has with his children, but it is so hard because when he sees them, he leaves us. If he is working a 4 pm to 12 am shift, his days off are literally the only time that my son and I see him and he lives in the same house with us. I have tried to talk to him about it as far as time being away from us and he says that his kids come first. I agree that they should, but where does the marriage rank? I am not looking for a competition, I just want things to be fair. Is that possible? What is fair? It also really bothers me that his family came here and excluded us. Am I crazy for feeling this way?
He is now talking about going to where they live for a week this summer without my son and I. It hurts me to feel like he doesnÂt want to be with us and he obviously does not.
Any and all input is appreciated. I am just having a tough time right now.