Back from vacation
It went well. Honestly, we had a FABULOUS trip but not for BM's lack of trying to ruin it.
It started out fine, with her normal incessant calls but still fine. SS brought the cell phone and the whole 10+ hr drive up, he was a nervous wreck.
"My mom might call, turn the radio down so I can hear my phone."
"Should I call my mom? She will have an anxiety attack if she doesn't hear from me." (DIRECT QUOTE)
"I am supposed to call my mom every hour on the drive so she knows I'm okay. Has it been an hour yet?"
We spent the night at a hotel on the way up, and SS got a bunch of texts from BM while we were all lying in bed, watching tv. He texted back a few times, seemed happy/fine about it and then when it was time to turn out the lights, DH said to shut the phone off. And SS freaked. Cried and cried, and said his mom NEEDS to be able to reach him, he HAS t have the phone on ALL the time. DH turned it off and explained his mom would understand, that they had already said goodnight, and that people turn their cell phones off at bedtime so they can sleep. SS cried for a good twenty minutes. He was soooo worried.
It's just awful. The phone is SO anxiety-producing for him. I think the ride up was bad because he was just so focused on it---not much else to do in a car for 10 hrs.
Well, of course, we got to MI and he tossed the phone in his bedroom and was off in the lake, at the beach, making s'mores, kayaking, etc. Having a BLAST in other words! He didn't call BM at all during the days, and then at night DH or I (and my dad once, too) heard him apologizing to BM for not calling.
He got REALLY upset about mid-way because he received a text from his mom (in all caps) that said SS WHERE ARE YOU? I HAVE CALLED YOU FOUR TIMES TODAY. YOU NEED TO CALL ME BACK.
SS came out crying, showing DH the phone and all upset that his mom was going to be mad.
Whatever. DH was able to reassure him that it was okay, that his mom would understand he was simply having fun on vacation. He called her and I guess it went fine b/c SS seemed okay.
Then on Wed. all h*ll broke loose. BM called at night after dinner and demanded that SS put DH on the phone. SS brought his phone out onto the deck where DH was sitting with me and my dad, and we all heard BM say, as DH took the phone, "What, you're too busy talking with Love's dad to f*****g talk to me?"
I was so embarrassed/annoyed/angry.
Anyway, BM apparently then asked DH if we could come home a day early from our vacation because she had planned a last minute trip to a lake two hours from our city. (And HMMMM, WE are now home and HER "lake trip" is mysteriously postponed.)
So, anyway, back to her request. Let's see---we are in northern MI, almost 11 hours from home, in a rented home with family members on a vacation that's been scheduled for months and she has the audacity to ask that we pack up and leave early to accomodate her????
DH of course said no, that wasn't an option, and she just went off---ranting about how WE go on trips all the time, she had the opportunity to schedule something last-minute this weekend and she wants SS to go. And how MEAN DH and I were to deny SS the trip with HER.
DH said NO again and then she flipped out and swore at him and said she would just make HER family leave a day LATE for their trip. Whatever.
Then the NEXT day she talked to SS while we were in the car driving, and when he hung up, he said his mom misses him soooo much and is soooo sad without and she wanted to know if DH could email her some pictures?
Then a minute later DH got a text asking just that----could he email her some pics of SS having fun?
Fine. So DH did later that evening. He sent her a few pics, purposely none with me in them, all of SS alone and maybe one of him with DD.
And THEN a few hours later, he received about ten NASTY text messages. About how he's fat, I'm ugly and SS hates me and my DD is an "obnoxious terror." Then she proceeded to text both me and DH the same copied messages---that DH is NOT my DD's father and I need to "quit getting him to play daddy to her." And something about how I need to leave "SS's dad alone" and go find DD's REAL DAD for her.
Then she texted DH something about how much SS hates me and he is NEVER going on another vacation with us again and DH should divorce me.
You know, I don't give a crap if she calls me ugly or DH fat or whatever; and I don't care if she says SS hates me because I know it's not true. But my mama defensiveness kicks in BIG TIME when she verbally attacks DD. Especially because my DD is just such a GOOD GIRL. She really is---she is so kind, has such a big heart, is so smart and caring and people like her! She's a friendly, precocious, outgoing little girl. It hurts me to hear anyone say anything mean or hurtful about her. It especially bugs me to hear BM talk about DD's relationship with DH. DD and DH ADORE each other. He IS her dad! UGH. He is the ONLY FATHER she has EVER known. Since she was two yrs old, he's been her father. She calls him Daddy. He adores her, she adores him. She is his little girl and it breaks my heart to hear BM rant/rave about their relationship.
Her hostility and animosity is SO disturbing. I don't get it! All I can think is it's sheer jealousy. But it borders on psychotic.
Anyway, the next and final night SS only had two mins remaining on his phone. DH told him to call his mom to say goodnight and tell her he was almost out of mins, but that we were leaving to drive home in the AM, and he would call from DH's phone.
I was in the bedroom getting DD into bed (kids were sharing a room on vacation) and I could hear BM telling SS that he HAD to MAKE his dad take him to Walmart to buy more minutes for the phone. SS kept saying "I don't think we can do that, Mom, I don't know, I don't know..." But she must have kept repeating/insisting b/c SS just kept repeating himself.
It was almost midnight! We were in northern MI, in a rural area with the closest Walmart at least an hour or two away. And DH is supposed to load minutes onto a phone he didn't want SS to have in the first place??? HA.
So then, of course, as she is dictating all this to SS, the phone cuts off. And then poor SS bawled. Seriously, for like an hour. He was sobbing about how his dad HAD to buy him more minutes, how his mom was SO worried and how she HAS to have a way to communicate with him. And how DH is SO MEAN to her because she's a mom and she worries and that's just what moms do. And how is mom is SO SAD that DH doesn't understand that and why can't he???
It was awful. Sad, awful, heartbreaking. Horrible.
The DAMAGE she is inflicting on her OWN CHILD is unbelievable.
DH finally got him calmed down and then he called BM and tried to reason w/her. Mistake #297. She just ranted and raved about how DH was on a FREE VACATION with "Love's DADDY" (LOL, she actually said that) and so he needed to "buck up" and spend $20 to put some minutes on SS's phone.
DH just hung up and shut his phone off and then----LOL---the next morning, DH had a text from BM at 2:45 AM that said minutes had been loaded to SS's phone. And that DH needs to read his parenting plan because it says she is entitled to phone access at all times.
Which it does NOT. It says each parent is entitled to "reasonable phone contact."
How I loathe that phrase.
As we drove home today, DH got a slew of nasty texts from her, but I was so pissed/sad/frustrated I told him to not even tell me what any of them said.
HATE HER. HATE HER. HATE HER.
I don't like this place I'm in. I was doing SO well disengaging. I need to vent, get it out, take deep breaths and get back to a place of disengagement.
She doesn't matter. She doesn't matter.
THe problem is, DH is thinking it may be time/necessary to go back to court to modify this phone issue. It's becoming a serious problem. And it seems to both of us that BM's behavior is escalating once again.
I'm not necessariyl "scared" of her but then again....I kind of am. KWIM?