Ready To Give Up

country1_2010July 20, 2010

I have read similar postings here and was pleased at the responses. I hope you folks can give me the same. I am in a serious relationship with a woman who is the love of my life. We would love to get married but there is a HUGE problem - our children. I have a 4 year old daughter who is according to myself, her mother and everyone who meets her, well mannered, respectful and well behaved. On the other hand, my girlfriends 8 year old son is obnoxious, rude, disrespectful, hateful and foul mouthed. He doesnt listen to his mother, myself, his grandparents or anyone else. I have tried to talk to my girlfriend about him only to be met with criticism and anger. She defends all of her sons actions whether they are good or bad. What bothers me most is his treatment of my daughter. When asked if she would tolerate her son being treated in a similar manner she said that she would not. Still, she does nothing to correct the behavior. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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You may not like my advice, but I'd be thinking very seriously about your relationship. You said "I have tried to talk to my girlfriend about him only to be met with criticism and anger. She defends all of her sons actions whether they are good or bad." I haven't been married all that long, so I am not an authority on marriage, but I do know that if my husband and I were not able to talk things through we wouldn't have lasted two months. If your GF is just dismissing your concerns without even considering them, IMO that does not bode well for your future.

Bad behavior of a child is something that a family can deal with, if the adults are united. If Mom doesn't even see it as a concern, SF is not going to be able to change it on his own, period. You owe it to your daughter to not stick her into the middle of this.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 11:50AM
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You did what you supposed to do. You have concerns about your daughter safety and his behavior is out of control. One day that 8 yrs old is going to a teenager and if she doesn't do something about it now there's going to be a bigger problems. You have a responsibility to protect your daughter and if you have to end the relationship to do that, Oh well!!

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 3:08PM
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Thanks Judy. Good advice.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 11:04PM
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Wanted to add a few other things to make the picture a little more vivid. My GF told me in the beginning and still to this day not to try and compete with her son as he will always be number one. He is the most spoiled young man i have ever met and knows that he has his mother wrapped around his little finger. At 8 years old, all he has to do is whine and he gets his way.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2010 at 7:10AM
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Unfortunately I agree that the relationship with "the love of your life" may be doomed. The only possible hope might be serious family counseling, but you and your GF must first sort out whether you have the same styles of parenting. If not....welll....I'd think very long and hard about a future with her and her son.

    Bookmark   July 28, 2010 at 6:45PM
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she sounds like a parent who never sees anything wrong in their children. it sounds like 8-year-old is difficult and she refuses to acknowledge it. I think counseling might help. I agree with glaze.

    Bookmark   July 28, 2010 at 10:46PM
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It is time to give up. If she lets an 8 year old run her life then you need to get out now!!! That 8 year old will be a teenager running the home and then an adult still running your lives. I have seen it in my own family and its awful!

I am not saying that our children should not be our first priority because they should come before anyone or anything else. With that said there are certain lines in a parent/child relationship and I feel when a parent lets their child do whatever they want and gives them no boundries they are not putting their child first. Instead they are filling their own need to be "liked" by their child. As a parent I think it is our job to teach our children how to behave and teach them right from wrong, not worry about if the child might be mad at you for putting your foot down.

You mention that she mistreats your child, that alone should be enough reason to end the relationship!

    Bookmark   August 1, 2010 at 12:02AM
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