How to co-parent?
So how do you 'co-parent' without sounding judgmental, accusatory, misinformed, flat out dumb?
How would you prefer to be parented with? How would you want to receive questions regarding an issue so that you don't feel accussed or have to feel defensive on gaurd?
I would prefer a phone call of 'hey kid told me this happened. What's the deal?'
I don't receive calls so I get emails. I would prefer the same type of wording, hey what's going on?
When I send emails I've been 'accussed' of being wordy and lengthy with way too much info.
So I cut it short and trust me, this takes much effort. I'm still learning.
I might say 'Dd says that _________ happened. I think it's important for us to not do this or to do that at this time. The reason I feel this is importan is _______. I would like to discuss further. Thanks'
The response I receive is always defensive and 'before you go accusing you should get your facts straight'
I agree. I feel that is what I am doing. Asking for the other side of the story.
I feel I know my daughter well enough to know she is not making things up when she tells me. I rarely have found out after the fact that she was wrong or misunderstood. I usually never get a clear answer. I have suggested that with the latest events we sit down with her and really find out what is going on but of course, that is a no. If she knows we do not communicate then she will eventually learn to use that to her advantage so I always play the, 'I'll talk to dad about that later when I talk to him'.
My DH agrees that it's not Dd telling us about things as much as her panic reactions to events that make me realize something is going on with her. Her clingy behavior when she comes home. The crying. Etc.
I'm just wanting to know ways to better communicate concerns without sounding like I'm starting off accusing. Although that's really what I WANT to do.