Adult SS wanting his father's respect
Hubby's having a hard time this Father's Day because he's worried about his adult son. Again. We had a running bet today about whether or not SS would call to wish his father a happy Fathers' Day -- and we both nailed it. SS sent a text message during dinner time -- then wouldn't answer his phone when Dad called back.
SS is in his mid 30's and is once again is in danger of having to file bankruptcy. He's done it once before, and been on the brink several other times. This time, it will probably also cost him a house. Not to bankruptcy, but to foreclosure since he's not paying on it either. Though he IS still enjoying high speed Internet (dial up is SO slow), cable with premiun channels (because they're cheaper than movies), a great cell phone with free texting (because he texts a lot), a gym membership (he's in training), four cats with medical problems (thank goodness he got custody when he and his Ex broke up) and a fancy sports car (limited edition! 'cause he got a really great deal on it.)
His personal life is a mess because the GF he bought the house with and who he recently broke up with wants her furniture back -- especially since she found his new GF sleeping in her bed. And the new GF is high drama 'cause she's still 'legally' married to some guy who's a real jerk (she says) and SS had to buy four new tires for her car. (Mortgage / new tires for GF / mortgage / new tires... WTF??)
Once again, we've offered to let him work for Hubby (for cash) on evenings or weekends -- but the only work Hubby has is dirty and sweaty and unpleasant, and SS doesn't want to do that because he really needs his down time. Work-Life balance is so important. He is still working full time, but his boss reduced his commissions, which is making it hard for him to stay motivated. (So he leaves early a few times a week to keep things more even.)
He's depressed, anxious, drinking too much, avoiding his problems and looking for handouts -- which we're not giving him. (Well, Hubby gave him a small one a few months back in a fit of guilt, but immediately regretted "feeding the tapeworm" as he so aptly put it.)
Of course, now SS is mad at his father for not helping him out financially. But more than that, we both agree he's mad at himself and knows that he's on a failing path -- But he simply won't change his ways! By the way, we've also paid for psychological counselling twice. The counsellors gave up in frustration. We've also paid for a financial counsellor (another band-aid) and bought him a 'Personal Finance for Dummies' type book which is lying by the highway somewhere, I'm sure...
Hubby's always been very open with his love for his son, and gives freely of his time -- but I think what SS really wants is his father's respect. But how can Hubby give THAT when SS's poor situation is a direct result of his consistently poor life choices! And that leaves Hubby feeling like he's withholding the one thing his son desparately needs --
Is Hubby wrong?
Is there some middle ground?
Or is this just one of those hopeless situations?