In court today... update on 'those damn pants!'

imamommyJune 1, 2009

Unfortunately, there is nothing too juicy to report... nothing to report at all, except the economy may be in for a boost with the amount of money this stupid thing is costing everyone.

BM hired an attorney... an attorney that I've been asked to do work for. I may have actually served papers for him once.. not sure, his office has been so flaky that they usually cancel at the last minute, once when I showed up to get the papers. Hope it's just his office staff that's flaky & not him. Poor guy has no idea he will never see a dime beyond his retainer.... (anyway, his office has been on my list of 'tell him I'm too busy if he calls' clients for some time now)

Anyway, as I mentioned in another thread... BM drove a six hour round trip on a Wednesday to bring SD to mediation. Funny how she won't drive it on Friday to get her after school or during the weeks when she had track and wanted mom to come watch her.... hmmm, funny. Anyways, surprisingly SD had nothing nice to say about our house or us... all bad stuff. I'm sure BM didn't coach her to say those things. A mom would NEVER do that!! Right?

We got the mediation report and no recommendation. BM and DH apparently agreed to a full psychological evaluation (In CA it's called a 3111 evaluation) and so today, that's what the court ordered. He ordered DH and BM to split the cost of the evaluation, which I understand costs around $2000. Just great! DH doesn't have the money for that... BM filed the case.... DH thinks things should stay the same... but he has to pay half! SUCKS! (sucks more since I will pay his half because I am not letting him put it on a credit card and it has to be paid up front) I am dying to see how BM is going to pay her half~ lmao.

Let's get this straight. She CHOSE to move away 2 years ago. She has limited her own time/contact with her kids, yet blames me & DH. She wasn't asked to pay support for nearly a year and when she was finally ordered to pay a measely $216 a month, she refused. DCSS threatened to make her seek work. She got a job & started paying $61 a week. (but not every week, she skips one her & there) Then, DCSS filed to get an order so she has to pay her arrears... she runs out the same week and files for custody. She is making the SAME allegations she made in the first trial BEFORE she moved, that me and my kids mistreat her daughter. The only difference is this time, she has coached SD to repeat those allegations (convincingly I might add) to the mediator. So, she thought it was going to be easy to convince a mental health professional that they should uproot SD and just give her back to BM, just cuz BM says so.... two years later! Now she has hired an attorney... our is $300 an hour, hers looks like he might get at least $200-250 an hour. He was in court almost 3 hours this morning, plus he traveled from an hour away... so add 3 hours travel time... maybe today cost her $800-1000 plus he had to have prepared her papers. Now she has been ordered to pay half of the evaluation, another $1000+. and she is going through all this expense because she doesn't want to give DH the $3500 she owes him in back support. CRAZY!!!

Her new allegations.... in mediation, she tells the mediator that our car was shot at with SD inside. DH tells her no, the window shattered and no glass even got on SD. We were all scared but nothing we can do, we were just driving down the road. (BTW, I found three other police reports during the same week in the same location with similar incidents... so it was probably kids throwing rocks or using a slingshot) Well, now BM filed a new declaration saying SD was 'nearly struck by a bullet' while I was serving someone and if DH wants to risk his life, fine... but SD should not be subjected to being shot at. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WOMAN???? THE ROCK HIT OUR CAR IN FEBRUARY AND IT'S BARELY BEING MENTIONED NOW???? She didn't even mention it in her first declaration where she mentioned the missing pants!

C'mon.... who wants to trade crazy BM's with me??? Anyone???

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What a gem that bm is!!

So she does not have the money to pay cs...but she can afford a lawyer and can now afford to have her dd live with her full-time??

I have a friend whose ex hubby did not pay cs. His family payed for a lawyer to go to court and try to get it reduced (though they would not help him pay cs). He ended up being thrown in jail and the bond was the amount he owed in back cs. His parents paid that. Funny how the money appears when it is needed for something besides the kids.

So I am dying to know.....did they talk about the pants in mediation??

    Bookmark   June 1, 2009 at 10:46PM
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Oh those damn pants!

    Bookmark   June 1, 2009 at 11:36PM
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"So I am dying to know.....did they talk about the pants in mediation??"

Oh yeah... she did!

First, in her motion for custody, she mentions the pants but not the supposed shooting and bullet "barely missing" her daughter.

Second, in mediation she played it like DH intentionally threw away all of the clothes grandma bought SD. DH told the mediator that most of the clothes were purchased by us and we routinely go through her wardrobe and throw out stuff that has gotten too small or is torn, out of season, etc. and we buy her new stuff. We don't label who bought what and a pair of pants may have gotten lost or misplaced. We could offer to replace the pants I guess... BUT WE BUY ALL HER CLOTHES AS IT IS!

It really is stupid and a waste of time & money...

    Bookmark   June 2, 2009 at 12:44AM
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I wonder what bad stuff could SD tell about your household. Like what in particular, like pitty stuff SM doesn't allow me eat candy all day long or stay up late or more substantial like neglect or abuse? Like what could she possibly say beyond some minor stuff that every kid complains about? Is she like twisting the reality or plain lies? so is BM getting custody or no?

    Bookmark   June 2, 2009 at 9:48AM
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If a bullet were shot into your car surely it would have an exit hole or be lodged in your car somewhere. That's an easy check.

What a drama. Have you considered selling your story to one of the networks?

And continue our pants theme... we have 'Sisterhood of the traveling pants' followed by 'Those Damn Pants'.... starring Imamommy!

    Bookmark   June 2, 2009 at 11:42AM
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Ima...I don't know whether to laugh or cry for you.

What a MESS. And an expensive one at that!

So when will the psych. eval be done and how long will it take to get the results?

Seems like everything with court is just hurry up and wait...

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 12:27AM
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The frustrating part is the next court date is in August. SD starts school in August so if it's not resolved by the next court date, she'll start school here (as the current orders stay in effect pending any further orders) and if BM gets custody, she'll have to change schools.

DH called BM's house to talk to SD today... she's been there since Sunday. BM says SD is at grandma's house... in the same town where DH works, which is 2 hours away from BM's house. So, DH asked her if he can pick up SD from grandma's after work on Friday. BM says no. She's going to bring SD to her house on Thursday and she can be picked up from there on Friday. [shaking my head] So, SD is with grandma all week, BM is going to drive her 2 hours on Thursday, just so we have to drive 3 hours on Friday to go get her. She's going to spend ONE whole day with BM! WOW!!! Wonder if that's her plan for the whole summer?

I feel so bad for SD because she was looking forward to seeing her mom for summer.

The psych eval will be done as soon as BM contacts them and pays her half so they can schedule it. I am not sure the ins & outs of how long it takes for the results, but the results are typically sent to both sides 10 or 20 days prior to the next hearing. At this point, I am not convinced BM will come up with her half (we are definitely not fronting her half) and it won't get scheduled in time for the next court hearing. She has all of June and maybe part of July. The hearing is August 3 so the results should be available by the middle of July. The most stressful part is not knowing & waiting... and the cost.

I honestly think BM thought she would be given custody of SD on a silver platter because she's BM. I think she counted on the mediator believing everything she said because she got SD to say the same things and perhaps she thought the mediator would automatically recommend custody to her. Then, she showed up in court with her attorney & looked shocked to see our attorney with us. I don't think she counted on that.... DH cannot talk for crap in court, so it was a given that our attorney would jump back on board. She's a lion. Her attorney actually looked intimidated... for an attorney.

Just in the last week, SD has told her other grandma (DH's mom) that BM & BM's mom are taking her to Hawaii for a vacation this summer. I'm sure they are giving her anything she wants to keep her happy... probably hoping she 'forgets' that her mom isn't really seeing her this summer, but dumping her off with grandma.

I'm also pretty sure she was not expecting to have to pay for an evaluation. I guess when she tells SD they can't go to Hawaii, it will be because she has to pay the attorney and the evaluator because daddy and ima won't let you come live here... it's gonna be OUR fault she isn't getting the fun vacation BM promised! I just love how I can see into the future...

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:22AM
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What a mess.

I would sincerely hope the courts would not give BM custody after SD has already started school. Hasn't she already switched districts at least once?

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 11:02AM
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I wonder if it would help to keep a phone diary? Basically a log of where SD is duning her time with her mother. A day by day log of how many of those days were actually spent with Grandma...

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 12:09PM
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I was going to say exactly what sweeby said. document day by day where SD lives while "at moms". Like day by day hour by hour and present it to the courts. Older DD lives with grandma so does SD when she is supposed to be with mom. Document daily. Keep a journal and print out phone records.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2009 at 1:19PM
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