Good intentions

LoveneverfailsJune 9, 2011

Some advice PLEASE!!! All Hell has broken loose in our blended family... I'm the SM. I begain dating the BD when his daughter was 18 mo. Got married when she was 3 and now she's 6. Relations between BD and BM were initially not good so with both of their permission, I have, for the past 4 years been scheduling with the BM with no problems.

Well, she just got married 2 months ago and all of the sudden she refuses to talk to me, refuses to meet to schedule for the summer, and alleges that I hound her about things and doesn't need me to be the mediator for the next 12 years. She has asked me to leave her new family alone.

I'm so confused and don't know where to go with it. My intentions are good but should I just back off or what?

Any advice or similar situation would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Loveneverfails (lol)

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myfampg

I wonder why all of a sudden the change from BM. I would think that a single BM would be more against dealing with dad's wife than a remarried BM. Usually when BMs remarry, they no longer feel the 'need' to be in such control because they are now happy and living life. I say that because I'm a BM..

Anyway - can dad and mom NOT agree to working together? Wouldn't it be easier on you if you just let dad handle mom? Has something happened that you know of? Something that would have changed her feelings? Anything in your home change that would cause her to be upset or bothered? Im just throwing out ideas here.

    Bookmark   June 9, 2011 at 9:14PM
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mattie_gt

"I would think that a single BM would be more against dealing with dad's wife than a remarried BM."

I would have thought so too. I'm not clear from your post if BM is suggesting that she talk with your DH now - or just doesn't want to talk to either of you (you said the summer schedule is not agreed upon yet?) If it's the former, well, OK, so be it. Who knows what happened? Maybe her new husband said he thought you were attractive or something, LOL! If it's the latter, well, that's completely unacceptable. Sadly, I've seen that happen before, where Mom is perfectly agreeable to Dad seeing the kids when she is single and dating, but once she gets married she starts trying to replace Dad with her new DH. I really hope that's not the case here.

    Bookmark   June 10, 2011 at 8:49AM
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myfampg

I hope not too. It was the opposite for me. When I was newly single and had just one child, my momma claws were pretty fierce. Exdh dated a girl with twins the same age as dd and I actually liked her. It was hard at first but she was very respectful and just wanted the girls to get along. Then I realized, hey being single is fun or 'can' be fun. The girl was too nice because exdh dumped her. I liked her. She liked me. The kids got along.

Then ex met current wife and that has never been pleasant. But anyway -- when I met my Dh and was pregnant with DS I realized that I wasn't as 'hyper' about the little things. It wasn't like I said ok I don't need to be hyper anymore I just realized one day, hey that didn't bother me. I still think they are dumb but I'm not furious like I would have been 2 yrs prior.

And honestly, I will not communicate with SM because it just does not work. I don't think it's because we are a lot alike but because we both believe we are the mother. I know I gave birth but she doesn't see it that way, and because I prefer to not battle over who has rights and who doesn't and when, I just prefer to not deal with her.
Now my ex and her ex deal with each other. SM can't get along with her ex.. Kind of appears to be a pattern huh?

Anyway - I am willing to bet she just got some conflicted hair up her bum and decided to be difficult. Who know? She could be having marriage problems....

    Bookmark   June 10, 2011 at 10:57AM
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momof3_stepof1

I'm really wondering if she's not trying to have her "perfect little family" and not want dad to have anything to do with his kids anymore.... like they said before me... replace him with her new dh.

    Bookmark   June 10, 2011 at 2:13PM
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