my 8 yr old ss- is this manipulation /wants dad over mom?
I am the SM to do children 6 yr old girl and 8 yr old boy. mY DH and i also have a son together that is 15 mths old. The Skids live w/ us 2 days a week and EOW. and w/ their mom and husband alternate days.
for the most part the kids are good. WE do have issues w/ my SS who went through the divorce while he was 3 yrs old and seems that may have traumatized him a bit as well as he now was just diagnosed w/ ADHD and the meds are helping tremendously . BUt he is a very strong child, needs to be center of attention, somewhat spoiled thinking and also easily angered.. He will throw a fit over broccoli which is now resolved, for the most part they eat what we cook at our house. I have a rule that i won't be ashort order cook etc.. we have rules are our house, i am more for consistency and routine and consequences to pay. My SS thinks he has no controlw hich isn't true. HE is also very smart for 8 yrs old, and he can be very compassionate and he is excellent w/ my son most of the times..
I am not sure what is going on w/ him but lately he seems very jealous (he's always been this way i guess0) w/ anything we do w/ out him. If we say we went to a bbq or are going and he's not w/ us (he was w/ his mom ) went to disneyland w/ her, He gets upset w/my DH . He is not materially spoiled at our house, but mY DH does seem to favor him the most and especially now that he was diagnosed w/ ADHD it's almost like he's coddling him a bit.
the thing that bothers me most about my SS is that he can be manipulative. E.g One time he was at our house and spent the entire day w/ his friend. He went back to his mom's got ugly /naughty w/ her, and he broke down and blamed my DH for not paying enough attention toh im and that is why he's soo upset.. THE EX called my DH to tell him and i said honey did you realize that this was the same weekend he played w/ his friend all weekend, where was he? Did he even mention not beig w/ you? dAD was history and is when his friends are around. IT felt like manipulation to me, to get out of trouble w/ his mom, it seems maybe he senses he can do this w/ his mom, play his parents against eachother. WE told her what had happened over the weekend that is not true etc.
So he again tried to pull a fast one this weekend. we had a family bbq SAT. all day the kids played, ate, swam outside, friends over etc.. 9:30 rolls around, bedtime, I am exhauasted and SS says I am staying up to watch a movie. OH you are, yes dad said I could. Ok first mistake is DAD and i did nt' unite on what we were going to do, he made his own decision which i was like , NO we had al ong day, bedtime , and the kids had lots of fun today, the movie can be for the following weekend..
so my SS used- well I didn't get to spend much time w/ you Dad today. I jumped in as i was like manipulative to stay up late. and said umm N i think you were w/ your friend all day, next time should we not invite your friends so you can be w/ dad. well he was talking to peeps etc. oh hmm i see.
so he tried to cut a deal w/ dad and manipulate his feelings.
goes to moms the next day , DH drops him off, quiet the whole way and throws a tantrum in the frontyard how he doesn't wnat to be w/ his mom and wants to go home w/ dad.
DH had the baby w/ him and my SD. SD was not wanting to go to moms either but didn't voice it then..
He was soo upset, flailing his arms likeyou were taking him to jail.. Apparently before this all happened BM told him he'd be cleaning his room (they don't clean their room daily so only imagine)
not exactly sure what is going on here/ I know we try to be consitent in rules but i know they do not socialize as much, entertain, their house is a mess/pigsty , we are more structured and routine , except sometimes DH and I are not on the same page and have to be..
so what gives why would my SS not want to be w/ BM. chores? jealously?