help with future step daughter
Oh boy do I need help! My bf has a 15yr old daughter, who years ago said some very mean things to me before she even really knew me. I spoke to my bf about it, I never told him what she actually said because it in no way represents the person I am or the relationship that I have with her father, I just said that I think she doesn't like me, he spoke with her before she was leaving to go back home (she lives several states away) and she cried to him saying that she liked me. That was years ago, I have let it go along with all the other little things like squeezing herself between us because they really do not see each other much.... So jumping forward to a year ago when I moved into his home, which btw he has an older daughter who lives here and we get along great! We go out together, etc. I just feel like the 15yr old doesn't want me here, she completely ignores me until he is around then she says things I want her on my team! Its just confusing, does she not want me on the same team when playing a game as her dad? Or does she want me on her team? He will make plans to go out to dinner on a night that my daughter is with us and she rolls her eyes in annoyance that we have to wait. I tried to get him and his two daughters to go out for fathers day together with out me, but she wanted to go to her friends instead. I bought the gift for him and she wasn't happy that everyone's name was on the card. i just don't get it, when I'm doing the laundry I ask her to put her dirty clothes downstairs in laundry and she just throws them down the stairs, she would never do that if her dad told her to put the clothes downstairs,etc....that's almost minor, what is really getting me angry is that today when he came home from work he said hi to me, gave her a kiss then laid in bed with her for an hour.....I'm sorry its 5pm why is she still in bed!!! I asked what everyone wanted for dinner and I got "I just walked through the door" but not 5 mins later he was asking her what she wanted....what about me? I know that sounds selfish but I am dealing with her giving her dad a guilt trip because she can't sleep in his bed anymore????Really you'll be 16 in a few months, you shouldn't be sleeping in your dads bed anymore! Her clothes are entirely too risque for her age, her mom buys her bras with two additional cup size padding, the second she walks out the door half the clothes she puts on to make her dad happy come off! She is wearing clothes that my daughter fits into and she is 6 years older, it disgusts me having to do her laundry. But if I say anything I am the bad person! I refuse to be the 'evil step mom' but I have my daughter to worry about. Like how he told my daughter that when his dghtr gets up here they will ALL GO TOGETHER to get bikes....well guess what they went without my daughter because she couldn't wait! Grrr yes they did pick my daughter up a bike, but it wasn't the one she wanted. Why couldn't they wait an hour for my girl to get home from school so she could pick her own bike? And my daughter was too nice to say it wasn't the one she wanted, said thank you so much got on it and rode around. Not to mention his daughter hasn't ridden her bike even once since she got it! I'm at such a lose, I have no idea what to do but I refuse to deal with the rules changing when she is here because he doesn't get to see her much, what example is that for my daughter? She does terrible in school but gets everything she wants.Her older sister is even angry about things says things like "how come I had to wait until I had all A's and B's before I could get my license but she (her sister) is failing and is taking her test!" Am I being selfish? Picky? Thinking too much???? We are 6 years into a relationship, it has only been the past two years that we have officially combined families...oh and my bf and his ex have been separated since before she was born so it has nothing to do with her wanting her parents together, she doesn't even know what it is like to have both her parents together.
Any advice, input or experience would be greatly appreciated, as I am almost at the point of leaving him over this. Our relationship completely changes for a few weeks over the summer, but if she saw how we really are together maybe she would accept me more, instead she sees how my opinions or input doesn't matter.....maybe its him? Idk