SS drew inappropriate picture of my parents!

appleshellJune 29, 2009

Hi All,

I just stumbled across this forum and was hoping to get some insite about a picture my 12 year old SS drew of my parents, which are his grand parents.

Background: My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years, married for almost 3. I have 2 kids that live with us. A daughter who is 15 and my son is 10. My 12 year old SS stays with us every other weekend, and much more during the summer. For the most part I feel we have a very good relationship. I always make sure he is included in everything when he is with us. He is very loving and affectionate with me, and has called me Mom since almost the beginning. We have our moments when I need to put him in his place, but I do the same with my own kids. We all know, kids need an attitute check once in a while.

For Fathers Day, I bought the kids cards for their Dad and Grandpa's. My SS drew on the envelope for my Dad, which I was ticked about because I was planning on mailing his card. We then made plans to see my Parents this past weekend, so I held onto the card to give to him in person.

Yesterday, I pulled out the card from my bag, and was about to present it to my dad when I realized what the picture was. It was of my dad standing next to another woman (not my mom). Then he drew my mom off to the side with steam coming out of her head, and a question mark over my dad's head as if he was saying "What"??? .

My parents have been married for 36 years. As soon as I realized what he had drew, I lost it! I confronted him with the picture and he said it was a joke. I explained to him that I felt it was not at all funny, and completely inappropriate!

My husband did not see the picture, but I was really upset all day about it, and last night I explained to him how I was hurt by it. He's planning on talking to his son tonight to explain to him why it was wrong, and to see if he could get any reasoning out of him why he would draw a picture like that.

What is your take on this?

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My initial thought was how does a 12 year old just pull something like that out of his rump? What would even possess him to think that up? That isn't a normal 12 year old's a pretty adult concept and it was brought up totally out of the blue.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2009 at 8:32AM
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Could be absolutely nothing -- It's the kind of scenario they show twice a week on various TV sitcoms. So SS could genuinely think it was a funny joke (after all, on TV, it always has a happy ending), without realizing that it could be interpreted in a very hurtful way.

Do you have any other reasons to believe there's something seriously wrong?

    Bookmark   June 30, 2009 at 9:27AM
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I agree with Sweeby. It does sound like something he saw on tv or in a movie. At 12, I doubt he came up with that on his own. My guess is he saw it somewhere and thought it would be funny.

Is he otherwise hurtful or mean? I mean, do you think he was really trying to cause trouble--or do you think he genuinely thought this was a funny joke? Unless there are other issues, I am guessing the latter.

If that is the case, I would try not to be angry with him---but just take this as a learning opportunity for him. Dig deeper and see if you can find out how he came up with this idea.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2009 at 12:31PM
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Sounds like your SS is an artistic sort. I agree with those above, it's probably something he saw on TV or even the internet. What I'm curious about, apple, is did your Dad see this or find out about it, and what was his response? I know my step-Dad would've laughed his @ss off and probably handed the kid $5 bucks (even though he loves my Mom very much, he's a jokester to the bone).

Unfortunately, doodle, as long as there is are TV's, internet and video game systems our children can access, they are exposed to all sorts of adult concepts that we weren't (some of us, anyways) as kids their age. I'm quite sure apples' SS probably didn't know the reprocussions of his actions in this instance. We learn as we grow.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2009 at 1:56PM
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I have thought a lot about your situation. I think the youngster is talking to you. He is telling you how he feels by showing you his predicament. In other words he lays out his feeling for you in a pictorial way he knows that you will have to respond to.

"This is how I feel, so how would you like it if it happened to you?" "How would you feel if your parents got divorced and your dad married another woman?" "Would your mom would be as sad and angry as I think my mother is?"

He is not trying to be disrespectful of your parents. He is using them to illustrate his own emotions about YOU and his own family. This presents a wonderful opportunity. Acknowledge his message and tell him that you would be hurt too. He wants your attention and he has bared his feelings in an abstract way he knew would get your attention. It has worked. Just interpret it correctly and respond constructively.

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 12:26PM
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Wallypog, I think that was very insightful, never occured to me...Was just thinking its a goofy thing a 12 year old would find funny...Appleshell, Wally may be on to something here, food for thought for you....

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 1:32PM
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Wally, that is exactly what I thought. I dont think TV or internet would drive this reaction in a SS12 --

    Bookmark   July 2, 2009 at 2:19PM
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he is 12, a bit too old for such picture. If he was trying to send a message or just trying to be funny, no matter what intention was (even if he just saw it on TV or internet), seems to be a bit too old. After 5 years his dad was with you, seems a bit strange to draw this picture now? 5 years passed and now he is upset dad with someone else and he drew a pic about it? at 12?

is he, generally speaking, rather immature?

    Bookmark   July 3, 2009 at 12:49PM
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