I have been a stepmother for 20 years. My stepdaughter is 33, married and just had a baby. I realize I didn't raise my stepdaughter as she visited every other weekend. But she has always kept me at arms length and makes it clear that only her mom and MIL are important. The biograndmas are super super involved so even if SD liked me, I would always be the 3rd wheel. SD never calls, says no to all of my offers to babysit(while her mom and MIL get to babysit always), didn't invite me to the baby shower or the birth of the baby cause her mom would be there and she said it would make her nervous to have her mom and I both there. SD won't even refer to me as "Grandma" as she says its not fair for me to "steal" her mom's rightful name and that I must pick another grandma name as her mom is Grandma and her MIL is Grammy. Really why can't there be 2 Grandmas? But SD won't have it and says everyone needs their own name so not to confuse her daughter. SD won't even utter the words Grandma when referring to me. She just avoids calling me anything or calls me by my first name when referring to her daughter. I have a feeling I'll never be allowed to be a big part of this child's life and its just heartbreaking for me cause my own daughter who is older will not be having children so this was my only chance of having grandkids. Oh and SD always refers to me as a "stepgrandmother". I would think after 20 years we could get rid of the word step, but SD loves the word step and every chance she gets she clarifies that I am a step, not blood related. I definitely know where I stand with her. SD is content in only seeing me at holidays. I wish I could be involved more. My husband goes over often to see our granddaughter. I won't deny him going over and establishing a relationship with our granddaughter as I don't want to take that away from him just cause his daughter hates me.