on step parenting
I was just thinking of what lovehadley had posted in another thread, about the bond that is there between parent and child and how it is not the same with skids.
It seems that as step parents we have that going against us too. Because you have your own bio-children either prior to or during the marriage, that you are looked down on or judged worse because you may have a better bond with your own children. But that is just the way it will be for some unless you raised your skids from babies. IMO. Depending on what factors you have working for or against you.
I mean i have been in my skids lives since they were very young, but i still don't have that "bond" with them that i do with my own children. Several reasons for that, and no it is not lack of trying on my part.
Plus, and this is the one thing that has always got under my skin...when you do something with your own children or for them, then you are put under the microscope by the skids (and/or their mom) for being "unfair" etc or treating them "better" etc. That is the one card that my skids have always tried using. "you treat them better".
I got tired of them trying to make me feel guilty for doing things with/for my own kids. I am allowed to build memories and have experiences with my own children without having to be accused of being "unfair". It isn't like we ever did anything and "excluded" the skids. Nothing like that. In fact we have given them more experiences than their biomom and step dad have. We took them on vacations with us, and we took them camping. They never went on vacation or camping with their mom. EVER.
It is a hard job being a step parent. Being a parent is hard enough these days, so trying to help, or being a partner with someone else raising their children is even more difficult. Blended families are a hard thing.
I always liked the movie Step Mom with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon. I thought it was real. You know the scene where the little boy tells his mom...." I won't like her if you don't want me too." Real eye opening moment for the mom. Too bad that some real life mom's don't see that is what they are really putting their children through when they do and say things...even if it isn't right in front of them. Once a parents damages that relationship with their spin and negative energies, it is very difficult to rebuild or even change that child's mind once they have put those negative thoughts in their mind. It colors everything they think about the step parent and everything that step parent does from that point on.
It is like a little seed, planted by the bio mom and it is nurtured, tended, and encouraged as it grows into this lush, full, contempt for the step parent. All courtesy of a mean spirited bio parent who has no thought to how that will hurt the child.