Police at my door....again!

lovehadleyJune 11, 2009

I can't take anymore of this sh*t.

DD and I had a nice morning---went to breakfast, and went shopping for new dresses b/c my grandparents are having a formal anniversary party. Fun girls day.

Get home, and 10 mins later the doorbell rings. I actually thought it was SS, and DH home---we had a new doorbell installed that plays a song, and the kiddos love to ring it.

Nope, it's the police. BM has called them and made child abuse allegations against me.

I don't know what happened exactly yet.

DH is off on Thursdays but he usually works half the day. So I guess (hadn't talked to him all morning) he picked his son up around 1-2 pm. Sometimes he brings him back to work w/him for an hour or two, sometimes not.

Anyway, I guess BM called right after DH left w/SS and said that SS has a fingerprint bruise somewhere (I don't even know where?) from me. The cop is saying SS said I did it.


I am so angry. My DD started sobbing when the policeman was on the porch b/c initially he was pretty stern w/me. He said "I need you to step outside right away, ma'am." I was terrified---KNEW IMMEDIATELY it had something to do with BM, but didn't know what. DD thought I was getting arrested. :( AWFUL.

I talked w/the officer and explained that SS was w/us Tues. night for the circus, but that he hadn't been with us the previous 4 nights, and wasn't with us Wed night either.

I explained thaty I have never touched him, never hurt him, and will stand by that. I explained to him about the custody case, and showed him MY restraining order on BM, and then he became super duper nice. Brought DD outside and assured her I was not in any trouble, etc.

Then he and I had a long chat. I guess the report HE had gotten was that SS was WITH ME and I was abusing him TODAY. That was why he was so forceful earlier b/c he thought I had SS with me.

Anyway, I explained about the residential custody/change of school districts, and he agreed that BM is probably trying to throw a loop in everything, etc.

I have to call the attorney and see what to do. The officer said he was just going to file the report as having done a check on the home, I was there, was calm, etc. DD was there, happy and healthy. No SS in sight and no reason to believe anything other than what I said.

BUT I am sure---BM will go to CPS now.

DH is heading straight to the police dept. where BM made the claim to have them look SS over and document that he has NO BRUISING at all.

YUou know, what really gets me---I am a teacher. I have my teaching certificate and I can get it revoked w/child abuse allegations/investigations. If I do go back to teaching, it is NOT something I want to have to explain.

I am a GOOD MOTHER AND A GOOD STEPMOTHER. I might not love SS like my own child but I am good and fair to him. I have NEVER laid a hand on him or hurt him. I have spanked DD (1-2 swats) a few times in her 7 yrs, but NEVER SS. EVER. I buy him things, cook for him, treat him well, and this is what happens.

I am sick of SS's lies. Yes, yes, I get that his mom is an alcoholic, and all that---guess what, so is mine. I NEVER MADE FALASE ALLEGATIONS AS A CHILD. EVER.

This is the second time SS has done this and both times it has caused a sh*t storm to erupt for me, DH, DD, even my friends and family who have to hear about it.

I am soooo ANGRY w/BM for putting this in his head. DH told me that when he picked SS up, she said in front of SS, "____abuses him and I don't want him around her."

You can bet your bottom dollar I will not be around this kid alone ANYMORE, that's for darn sure. Who knows what he will say, what BM will tell him to say.

Ideas to help me calm down? I am so angry right now!

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very sorry to hear this happened. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with this stuff. I don't think I'd have the patience for it at all. You have every right to be angry! But on a positive note, this is great ammunition for court. The false child abuse accusations will go over real well for BM. A stern warning from CPS (if she calls) and a judge may get the message across to BM at least where the false accusations are concerned. Tread lightly around SS.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 4:52PM
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I am so sorry...If BM continues false allegations, it is going to backfire against her somehow. they will figure it out in CPS. go see your attorney.

also since SS keeps saying things about you, you should not be with him alone, you shouldn't babysit him. Your DD doesn't deserve this stress.

tell DH to babysit his own son and SS needs ot be told that lying is wrong. somebody has to talk to SS. if somebody else's child accuse me of abuse I will NEVER babysit him. i would continue seeing him in my family's presence but not alone. EVER.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 4:55PM
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This sounds exactly like Pseudo's situation. It started out as just contention and erupted into this kind of court battle and assault and even identity theft by BM.

I don't think you want to know what my real advice would be, but I'll give it anyway. I suggest that you move out. Not divorce or even legally separate, but get an apartment just for you and your DD. Tell DH that you cannot keep subjecting your DD and yourself to this and you will move back in when he has pulled his head out of his a** and gotten this situation under control. It would suck and you would probably hate it, but staying there is bad, bad, bad.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 5:03PM
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I thought the same thing ashley but I didn't want to be too harsh. I think it could be a wake up call for DH.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 5:12PM
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If SS does have a bruise, it will also backfire on BM since he has been with BM the last four days, meaning it happened on her watch. I would assume the officer SAW the bruise before coming to your house in an accusatory fashion? If there is no bruise, BM has some splaining to do!

I've had CPS called on me when BM said SD had a dislocated arm. When CPS came out to see SD, they saw her arm was NOT dislocated. Further, BM's story changed and all it did was to discredit BM.

I agree that the best thing for you and SS is to never be alone with him. I also contend with the same thing you are going through... although I fight the notion that SD is really trying to get me in trouble more than she is trying to get her mom's attention. It's tough to not be upset with the child when it happens over and over... but they are just kids. (and that only goes for so far!) I feel your frustration.

DH really needs to be more assertive in putting up boundaries and addressing these things before they get worse. If it's ignored, they won't go away... they will get worse and you are the target of her accusations. He needs to stand up for you and your DD. He cannot sit idly by and allow you and your daughter to take the brunt of BM's abuse. This is HIS problem, not yours! I'm kinda angry for you... what a mess!

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 5:40PM
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"I would assume the officer SAW the bruise before coming to your house in an accusatory fashion"

No, different precincts/towns. BM lives nearly 25 miles from us. So I guess when DH left her house w/SS, she called her local police department and made the report. THEY called the police department in the town WE live in, and they sent the officer over.

DH, per the advice of the officer that came to our home, took SS straight to the department where BM made the original claim. They checked SS out and said he looks FINE, no bruising.

Ima, that was the same thing the officer said in regards to if this happened on BM's watch, she'd have some explaining to do---but it sounds like there IS nothing worthy of reporting at all.

DH has been in the car and stuff w/SS, and hasn't come home yet, so I have not been able to get a full, complete story of what exactly went down, as he doesn't want to talk in front of or around SS.

I am anxious for him to get home so I can hear what happened.

I think BM is drinking (again) for sure. The other morning, DH took SS out on a boat on a lake instead of dropping him off at BM's at 9 am. He called BM to say he would be closer to noon, and she never answered. When he showed up at her house w/SS, he rang the bell and banged and finally went in--it was unlocked. She was sleeping! Kind of weird to me.

DH thought about taking SS home with him, but he said BM seemed fine when she woke up?

So--Ima--you said DH needs to have better boundaries, and handle this. What do you suggest? I would love something concrete b/c I feel like I say the same thing over and over. Also, how much can he really contol BM? That is the part that frightens me.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 5:48PM
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UPDATE: CPS is coming to my house at 10:30 AM tomorrow.

I'm scared.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 6:04PM
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Hadley, I think making a false child abuse allegation is a crime, and you are covered there by SS being checked out at the police station, so try to stay calm on that....But I do have to tell you something my caseworker told me when I had foster children...If a child makes an allegation EVEN a FALSE allegation, CPS can REMOVE ALL children from the house...That would mean your DD is in danger of being taken from you should a future episode come up, ie SS falls off the swing in your care...I d think long and hard about the ramifications of the whole situation...Good Luck tommorrow

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 6:22PM
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Stay positive. The truth will come out and everything will be fine. However, I completely agree with Ashley and Finedreams. DH needs to start standing up for you and putting his foot down with BM. I understand that it's easier to play her game and get along for the sake of his son, but he needs to stand up for you and let her know that he will not tolerate the lies from her or from her son and he needs to quit pandering to her by taking her phone calls at all hours. It's way too much for you and for your DD to have to deal with.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 6:33PM
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Hadley, this is terible. I feel so bad for you

Maybe I havent read all this carefully enough, but dh has to find out what exactly did SS say, and what did bm say he said.

I would be afraid for my dd and I would tell dh that you can not be left alone with ss.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 6:39PM
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Honestly, I don't know what your DH is like but it seems he isn't dealing with this. I have to agree with Ashley, maybe it's time to give him a wake up call?

If he wants to stick his head in the sand and let his son be subjected to this abuse, because what BM is doing is emotionally/mentally abusive, in my opinion.. then he needs to know you are NOT going to tolerate it. I am the first person to say vows are vows and don't run when the going gets tough, but when push comes to shove, your DD is in the crossfire and if he isn't going to protect his own son.. you need to protect your daughter.

It isn't fair to you or your daughter to have to leave the home, I might tell him to find somewhere to go until this is handled. Does he have family he can stay with? If he won't leave, then maybe you have to. Even a few days apart can give him time to think about how important this is.

I wouldn't worry too much about CPS. They should be able to identify false allegations and I would be surprised if they would remove your DD because SS does not live there and the allegation is not what I consider 'serious', such as severe physical abuse or sexual abuse, which is where I could see them removing all children until it's investigated. Just because they could, does not mean they would take children out of the home.

My suggestion to you is stay calm, explain your concern for your child and your reputation. Above all, be cooperative and helpful. When BM started making accusations about me to DH, I let it go. When she put it in a court declaration, I wrote her a letter telling her if she does anything to defame my character, I will sue her. Now, i don't know if I'd be successful but it let her know I am not going to tolerate her lies and I hoped it would make her think twice before making false allegations. (It didn't appeal to her maternal instinct, if she has any, when we told her how harmful it is to her daughter to be subjected to physical examinations for 'injuries' she knows don't exist)

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 7:06PM
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do not be scared, you did nothing, so just say how it is. SS was not even with you, they will know it.

But I would listen to what dotz says. it could have potential problems for DD. i would not stay with SS in the same house (even if DH stays wiht you, you can still be accused of abuse). I do not know if I would move out, but I would go somewhere else when SS visits. I don't know how to do it, but I would think of it.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 7:11PM
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you --
Have you asked your lawyer for advice?

I'd document the allegation and your and SS's wherabouts for the four days prior to them. Save the receipt from the stores you shopped at, list where you were, where he was, where DH was so you can show you weren't with SS during the time when the bruise would have happened. And asking the police to document that there IS no significant bruise, and save that.

I'm also wondering if it might not be time to do a couple of 'wellness checks' on BM when she's home with SS. Just to see if she's sober...

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 7:32PM
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What a mess this lady is making!! Instead of getting help for her alcoholism she decides the way to deal with everything is to make abuse claims about you?? This lady is off her rocker!! And I am so sad that she is destroying her son in the process. How horrible for that boy to be forced to lie to make his mom happy.

You have done nothing wrong. BM lied...ss was not with you...ss had no bruise and was with bm for days. I would imagine that the cps worker will smell a rat! Many times during custody cases a parent pulls out the abuse alligations. CPS workers and judges can usually sniff out the lies. Don't be nervous...just be honest. And let us know what happens!

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 11:13PM
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Thanks everyone. I am trying to stay calm.

I called the attorney and got a quick email response from her saying she would call me in the AM, but that I am NOT to be alone with SS at all.

My plan tomorrow w/CPS is to be as open as possible. I will offer to have CPS contact my DD's school, teachers, SS's school, teachers, family members, friends, neighbors, etc. I have nothing to hide, and I will cooperate any way I can.

I will explain my concerns about my DD, and about my teaching license.

I did find out that this is all more BM than anything else.

A few yrs ago, SS claimed I "grabbed his arm in a parking lot." This was probably when he was maybe 4ish--it was quite a while ago! I have no specific memory of the incident but SS told his mom that we were all in a parking lot and I grabbed his arm. MY BEST GUESS is that I was alone with the two kids, trying to maneuever through a parking lot, and he was acting up, or not walking beside me---I have NO PROBLEM grabbing a kid's arm if it makes the difference between being safe in a lot or not.


I guess--according to SS---he had a bruise on his wrist, and BM asked him what happened, and he said he didn't know. AND SHE ASKED HIM IF I GRABBED HIM. He vehemently maintains he said NO, that I only grabbed him one time a long time ago. And anyway--if he DID have a bruise, it couldn't possibly have been from when he was at our house. He was with BM last Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, and then w/us on Tues night. Then back to BM's on Wed night and us now for 4 more days.

I think Bm's had this planned for a looong time b/c about 10 days ago she called DH and asked him to "verifiy" our address. She claimed she wanted to make sure she had it written correctly. MY @$$. I think she was planning this sleazy move all along!

Well, anyway, when DH picked SS up today, BM came out to the car and started yelling at him about the other night,and how SS had a terrible time at the circus, hates being with me and DH, etc. (This was all in front of SS, mind you.) DH told BM he was not going to have this conversation w/her, and that was when she launched into this thing about how I abuse SS. She told DH then and there that she was calling the police. I guess he told her go ahead, do what you have to do. SS became all upset and was sooooo worried, according to DH, that BM was going to come to our house and punch me again and go to jail.

DH said SS was devastated and was crying/sobbing when they left saying he didn't understand why everyone couldn't just get along.

So. I don't know. Seems to me BM is fueling this fire more than anything---I think she is seriously losing it here. She always gets like this, just pissy and irrational, and PSYCHO when she is itchin' to drink.

There is NO bruise on SS's wrist or anywhere else for that matter.

SS was sweet as pie tonight, and I can just tell he's trying to be extra nice to me. :( Dh had a loooong talk w/him about these accusations and explained that a lady is coming to talk to us tomorrow because of what's being said. SS admits to telling his mom I "grabbed his arm a long time ago" but he maintains that is all he has said, and he doesn't know why his mom is so angry.

I am really hesitant. I feel like the worst is yet to come? I don't believe SS was the instigator here at all, because really, he likes me, and I do not think he would just make something up of his own accord. BUT I do think that, when pushed by his mom, he will corroborate ANY story she comes up with.

I am anxious to speak w/the attorney tomorrow, and to get this meeting with CPS over with.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 11:15PM
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OOPS. I meant to clarify.

SS had a bruise on his wrist NOT 3 yrs ago when I (supposedly) grabbed him. He had a bruise this past week on his wrist, the top of his wrist where a watch might be? And BM asked him how he got it, and he said he didn't know. Then SHE asked him if I grabbed him and did it.

My OP made it sound like he had a bruise yrs ago from me grabbing his arm and that is NOT the case. I have NEVER EVER hurt SS!

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 11:19PM
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This woman acts like dry drunk. You know, she probably doesn't currently drink because of the custody battle. But since she is not in recovery, she acts as dry drunk-irrational and out of wack. Maybe somebody needs to grab her and give her couple of bruises. Good luck tomorrow.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2009 at 11:30PM
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good god Hadley. This is beyond insane. I'm so sorry. Please let us know what happens tomorrow. I'll be worrying about you.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 2:03AM
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It's totally getting out of hand, I'm so sorry to hear this. If BM goes down this path she can do a lot of damage and you'll need to start damage control as soon as you can. Because even though you did nothing wrong, the malignent parent can still walk away a 'winner' in all this. Maybe see if you can get hold of the book 'divorce poison' by Richard Warshak. It explains what motivates people like BM have to bash you and to alienate the kids. It also gives you techniques on how to deal with SS and your own DD to help them cope, they are really good tips I think.

Plus there's advice on getting professional help, in this case the most important issue for now. You'll need to get a professional involved who understands alienating techniques. That is really really important.

When we went to court the court counselor did not see the obvious signs of a malignent parent who bashes and attacks the other parent. It was totally assumed that the mother of the children would not do such a thing, and signs were ignored.

Please get a professional involved who specialises in this kind of situation. They'll know which questions to ask the kids if it comes to that. BM will need to be exposed and I would not take any chances, as in assuming that other people will see the obvious craziness. If you read the book you'll see why. If I was in America I'd send it to you but I'm not so you'll probably get a quicker hold of it through your local bookstore. I can't explain enough about how helpful this book has been.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 2:51AM
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You will be fine. Stay calm. I'm sure with all the evidence and restraining order against Bm, things will unfold and cps may even charge Bm with false allegations and wasting their time since its her pattern.
IMO, i think Bm is trying to get back at you guys for making her suffer...since she can't drink on her reg basis and do what she wants.
My personal concern on this , is the toll its takingon your DD. I understand people suggesting for you to move out...but then BM wins her little game. Your husband has to step it up a notch. It does sound like your ss likes you but is also caught in a tug war with mom...so he's in the middle. i feel bad for him as well..but he also has to learn not to be so negative (from your past post) and learn to relax. All due to BM's drinking problem i'm sure.
The best advice here is what everyone is saying. Never stay alone with this kid. NEVER. That way you are covered.
Keep us posted... I'm sure the cps this morning will be fine. I'm sure these people have seen cases similar and worse to yours.
Chin up!

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 6:46AM
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I hope that the CPS meeting goes well.

I for one do not think that it's important if BM "wins" or not. I DO think that it's most important that you protect your daughter--whatever that means. I feel bad for the boy, but he needs to be your husband's priority right now. I hope that he steps up.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 9:01AM
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"I don't believe SS was the instigator here at all, because really, he likes me, and I do not think he would just make something up of his own accord. BUT I do think that, when pushed by his mom, he will corroborate ANY story she comes up with."

A very wise insight Hadley -- And you're right. That poor child is as 'stuck in the middle' as you are -- maybe even more so, since he doesn't have your extra years of wisdom and maturity.

I'm thinking BM (and her lawyer's) strategy is to make it look like *you are both* acting crazy and irrational. OK, so she did the 'drunk at your house' thing, but YOU grabbed her kid so hard it bruised him and had CPS called on you! I know her allegation is totally bogus, but I'm thinking that, in a big picture sense, she's trying to turn it into the type of situation where instead of getting mad at her, the judge gets mad at BOTH OF YOU and gives a stern warning to BOTH OF YOU but doesn't make any legal changes. You know how things get when there's a messy feud? How you basically get so tired and confused about the 'he said/she said!' crap that you get frustrated and say BOTH OF YOU SHAPE UP!

For that reason, please, please, please stay EXTRA calm today with CPS. If you possibly can, get a high school student over today to watch the kid(s) so you can talk to CPS out of earshot from the kids. Then prepare for the interview by outlining things until you can tell your story clearly, concisely and quickly. (Once she determines BM's allegations are bogus, she'll have maybe 10 minutes for you. Make the most of that time!) Briefly outline the back-story to the CPS worker -- about BM's history of alcohol abuse, about her recent marriage problems, her increased drinking, and your & Dad's heightened concerns about SS's welfare because of the increased drinking, about the nasty incident at your house (don't spend too much time on that -- it's already on record), about her new lawyer and the changes in tactics (wrong address, refusing consent, now CPS!) Tell her you understand that it's not SS's fault -- that he's caught in the middle and trying to please his BM. It's OK to be annoyed (who wouldn't be?!), but mostly show CONCERN for SS and even BM who has gone so far over the deep end. If it's going well, maybe ask her if she could write her impressions down in her report rather than just her conclusions?

And that book Liesbeth recommended (Divorce Poison by Richard Warnick) -- It's FABULOUS! You need to read it soon, because it's all about the kinds of crap BM is throwing out, and how to deal with it in a way that minimizes the damage to SS, to you, and to your marriage. You don't want to fight in the gutter with BM, but you can't stay so far on the high road that you're out of touch. Divorce Poison will show you how to fight fair but effectively.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 10:19AM
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OMG! This has gotten so far out of hand!

Please, Lovehadley, if you aren't familiar with Pseudo's situation, go back and research her posts. You HAVE to do something about this NOW because it will progressively get worse.

And I don't mean do something about this with BM. I mean something has to be done with your DH. Pseudo's DH let things go on and on and on until the BM stole her identity and filed child abuse charges. The SD would scream and curse and do awful things to Pseudo. Your DH is going to have to give more than reactionary responses. He's got to start being more proactive in protecting his family which includes you and DD.

I would never suggest going back on your vows. All I am suggesting is that you go into b*tch mode and protect your child. Your job is to protect your child; not fight his battles for him. All of the help you are giving him is only making things worse. Heck, you (collectively) can't even spend quality time with SS because of all of this crap.

If you back out and withdrawl from the situation, it forces him to deal with this on his own without you being there to fall back on.

Honestly, if you weren't there, would he be able to swing 50/50 custody?

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 10:37AM
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I'm so sorry. You need to get out of this. It could ruin your whole life.

By the way, a bruise on the wrist... excuse me? How big??? CPS can tell the difference between an abuse bruise and a mommy bruise. I squeezed my dd's wrist a little too tight yesterday (we we out shopping and goofing around). She very well may have a bruise today. Also, she managed to pull the shopping cart over on her sideways. That might leave a bruise. And she was walking on the curb (balancing) in the parking lot and slipped off. That might leave a bruise. Also, I helped her off the giant stool/chairs at the food court. When I grabbed her I could have left a bruise on the front of her shoulders.

Kids bruise easily. I'd imagine that if you did bruise him it was accidental. On-purpose bruises look different. It is NOT child abuse to yank a kid out of traffic in a parking lot.

Get an apartment and get out. You are far too young to have your life flushed down the toilet for this woman's games. And your dd deserves better.

crossing my fingers for you. I'm sure the CPS meeting will go fine. But the problem is, once they are called in, they are in the shadows forever.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 10:42AM
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I just read this post. Un-freaking-believable.

You can no longer be left alone with SS. It's obvious how low BM is willing to go to try and make you look as looney as her.

I didn't read all the replies but if DH hasn't already he needs to have a serious talk with SS about the seriousness of lying about things such as abuse. If I were him I would also be having a talk with BM.

It's going to beobvious the CPS that SS and BM are full of crap so try not to stress. They see false allegations ALL THE TIME. They know exactly how to spot them.

I still would not put myself in a position where I could ever be accused again though.

Hugs Hon:(

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 10:46AM
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oh, love, I'm sorry, and sending good thoughts for your appointment.

I don't know if you were serious on your other post about thinking the marriage was a mistake, or if you were just venting, but... you sounded serious, and if you are, I think you should take ashley's advice. Or, at the very least, can you and your DD go visit your parents for a week or two?

It can be so so hard to see things with any kind of clarity when you are right in the middle of it, especially when you are doing nothing more than going from crisis to crisis to crisis. Some distance to decompress and give yourself space to just think for a minute without needing to do damage control on the latest crisis could be really helpful.

I feel so bad for your SS too but there's not much you can do for him under the circumstances. It's up to his parents and whatever authorities are involved.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 11:20AM
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Love I will send you my copy of divorce poison. Send me your address and I send it to you.... cawfegrl@yahoo.com


They will be your best defense they will come to your home and visit with SS yeah its a pain but its your best bet

We refused to allow them to close the case .... BM would call one month before every court date she did it for 3 years.

I havent had internet for a while ... but I am back :)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 12:45PM
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Welcome back Pseudo -

I've been wondering how things are going with you and yours.
How about starting a new thread with an update?

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 1:01PM
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We think alike sweeby.

Imagine I have had internet for a whole day and this is the first place I come to :)

Love .... just know you are not alone my hubby's ex is not a drunk ... but she is a very twisted woman. All under the guise of "its in the best interest of the children".

No not all BM's are crazy just the one's most of us deal with!!!

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 1:13PM
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I thought my problems with ex wife and steps was bad, but it was heaven compared to what I read in here. Why do you stay in this marriage??? Talk to your husband, leave for awhile and let him straighten out this problem. You could end up being arrested one day, your rep. ruined and eventually your marriage over with anyway, 3 out of 4 do end in divorce. It would hurt to leave, but you would get over it. I spent 33 years with my husband, stress everyday of that marriage and it never changed. I often wonder what my life would have been if I had moved out. One thing I am sure of is my life would have changed for the better. I would have been poorer, would have had to work 2 jobs to make a living, but my life would have been better. Now I am 72 years old and I am a walking time bomb because of the stress I suffered those 33 years. I have vascular problems in my brain and BP that is in the stroke range almost every day. Think of your daughter and leave.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2009 at 5:24PM
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That is awful! I would have been livid also! I can't believe that BM would do that. What a freakin' whack job!
When we had to deal with CPS, it came directly from my ss. If it had come from his bm, I think I would have gone through the roof.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2009 at 5:12PM
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I'm so sorry for your problems, Love.

From my own experience with SKs AND watching my DD deal with BM who has worked for an attorney and knows exactly how to play the legal system, I say with all love--GET OUT NOW!!

I've read the posts that said for you to not worry, that the truth would come out and everything will work out ok.
BZZZZZ... wrong answer.

BM has nothing but time. It doesn't cost her anything to ruin your life and it will cost you MANY MANY $$$$ and you still may lose everything.

I came from a very loving Christian family and had no clue these type people existed. When I married DH I truly thought we were going to have a loving family like mine. I honestly was thinking "The Waltons".
I was a Deputy Sheriff for 26 years and they still tried to ruin my life with false accusations. All of them are grown and out of my house except the youngest who I've raised since he was 18 months old. He is 15 now. I worry so much that they will turn him against me when he starts into those teenage hormone induced rebellion years. So far he has been great and I love him with all of my heart.

I still wait for 'the other shoe to drop'.

My DD is in an even worse situation. All I can do is try to be supportive of her and try to be here to help her pick up the pieces for herself and her 3 kids when she finally gives up. She is not as strong as I am and I worry for her sanity. She is pregnant with her 3rd child now and the Dr has her on antidepressants!!! He swears it won't hurt the baby.

Meanwhile the BM of her SS is marching on with her smear tactics and court cases. It NEVER ends. They learn how the court system works and play it perfectly.
Please... with all sincerity and concern for you and your DD, I say again- GET OUT while you can. Being a good, honest, law-abiding citizen doesn't really help in the screwed up legal system now.

BTW, I will be buying the "Divorce Poison" book. Just maybe it can help my DD.

I wish you Luck. You will need it.


PS- I don't know any other way to report the above facts. When I re-read it, it sounded bitter. I truly don't mean for it to be. It is sad. The young children are the losers here and that is sad.
Stay true to yourself and do what is best to protect yourself and especially your DD. God Bless You.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2009 at 7:50AM
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