Maid/Matron of Honor

pam1027December 9, 2006

My daughter was recently engaged, and has a dilema regarding a maid of honor and/or matron of honor. She wants to ask her best friend to be maid of honor, but also wants to include her sister-in-law as an attendant. If she has a maid of honor, is it possible to also have a matron of honor? Or if not, what is a married attendant who is not matron of honor called?

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I've been a married attendent without being the matron of honor. I was listed as a bride's maid. Of course, if your daughter wants both women to be honor attendents, I don't see anything wrong with having both a maid and a matron of honor.

Keep in mind, this is coming from the woman who had 2 best men and a maid of honor!

    Bookmark   December 9, 2006 at 9:03PM
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Just remember only ONE signs the marriage license.


    Bookmark   December 9, 2006 at 10:42PM
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You can have as many honor attendants as you please, and you can call any attendants anything you like. It's not like they are wearing cards around their necks at the ceremony!

I see plenty of weddings with more than one maid and/or matron of honor, and for that matter, "man of honor" or "best woman" (or whatever you want to call a brother or male best friend being a bride's honor attendant, sister or female buddy for groom).

The point is to include the people who are closest to you and let that dictate the arrangement, not to force your friends and family into with pre-set roles as if you were casting a chorus for a musical: one maid of honor, one best man, must have equal numbers of men and women -- forget it!

I am guessing that part of your question is about whether it is okay to call a married woman a "bridesmaid" (because we are familiar with the term "matron of honor," but not "bridesmatron")? Sure, of course. I'm sure no one ever thought of someone's being a bridesmaid as an announcement of her single status.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2006 at 1:02PM
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I agree with Gellchom. It is fine to have more than one honor attendant and one does not have to be married and one single. It is fine to have two (or more) maids of honor or two matrons of honor. Brides with sisters do it all the time.

The guests won't care what the titles are, but it is often important to the ladies to feel honored by the bride with the special designation. Therefore, it is important to divide up the duties of the MOH. One person can stand next to the bride during the ceremony and the other can sign the marriage license. One can give a toast on behalf of both of them or both can give a toast.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2006 at 7:20PM
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I asked our wedding consultant how it is done these days as we had a married bridesmaid, and the others as well as the maid of honor were all single. The term "bridesmaid" also referred to her, I was told. So that's what we did.

The rules are so much more flexible these days, and it worked fine for us.

    Bookmark   December 11, 2006 at 2:04AM
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the women on my softball team were referred to as "first baseman" and "second baseman."

"bridesmaid" is not a restrictive term. People know what it means--the bride's attendants who are not the honor attendant.

    Bookmark   December 11, 2006 at 1:05PM
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Designating someone a maid of honor should really be about symbolically telling someone that you care about them, and not as much about formal etiquette.

So you could have one be maid of honor and the other be matron of honor. Or, they could just be co-maids of honor (not everyone likes being known as matron of honor...). If your friend prefers to have her married sister be a bridesmaid, she's still called bridesmaid. It's really about what works for your friend in her specific circumstances. Don't bother asking Miss Manners!

For the technical definitions of maid, matron of honor , etc., read this article on the name maid of honor.

    Bookmark   May 29, 2008 at 8:58AM
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