Wedding invitations inserts

anita_coDecember 11, 2005

Can anyone help me?

We are planning our wedding for next year and we do not want to enclose a traditional wedding list as we have furnished our home together already.

We would like to politely request that if people want to buy us a gift then to give us money towards our honeymoon but dont know how to go about doing so.

Some people say it is not correct protocol to do this?

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nancylouise_gw

You can count me in with the people who belive it is not proper to ask for money for weddings or honeymoons in the invitations. Enclosing store cards or where you might be registered is not proper either in my opinion. Wedding guests are not required to give a gift. Let your family and bridesmaids know what your wishes are and let them handle it. When people call they should be the ones to inform the guests. Best wishes to you and your fiancee on your engagement! NancyLouise

    Bookmark   December 12, 2005 at 12:02PM
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gellchom

Go through this site and see the various threads on this topic. Although there are a few dissenters, the near unanimous opinion of the posters is that it is rock-bottom unacceptable to put ANY information or hints about ANY gifts in your invitations -- no registry info, no requests for cash. You will see that almost everyone feels that this is way beyond "not correct protocol" -- it's an absolute no-no. You don't want to indicate in any way that you connect wanting to invite people to your wedding with the idea that they will give you gifts. There is no polite way for you to tell them that you prefer cash, because there is no polite way for you to signal that you expect a gift at all. Don't send out registry cards or requests for cash in your invitations -- or any other way, for that matter.

You may be confused by the many vendors that encourage you to enclose a "registry card" as if it were not only proper, but the "traditional wedding list," as you put it. Don't be fooled. Of COURSE they want you to distribute such cards -- that's free advertising for them. They don't care if you look greedy or crass. Putting a request for cash in your invitations is no more "correct protocol" than just writing to everyone you know and telling them to fork over some dough. You wouldn't dream of doing that any other time -- it's no more acceptable at your wedding.

NancyLouise is 100% right. Gifts are not required, even though of course most of your guests will send them. But you can't proactively TELL them to get you something, and what to get. The most you can do is to register at one or more stores (if you want), and let your immediate family and -- maybe -- your attendants know your preferences. Period. They should not distribute info or announce preferences to the guests in any way, any more than you should, unless someone specifically asks. If people want to know if/where you are registered or what you would prefer, they know to ask family and bridal party.

But all this doesn't mean that doesn't mean that you can't achieve your goal. You just have to do it politely. If you hope for cash instead of "thing" gifts, just don't register much or anything -- sometimes this seems to give people the hint. Or register only at a major store you use frequently where you can return items for store credit for everyday things you will be buying anyway -- that's almost as good as cash. E.g., Meier's sells groceries, so if you registered there, you could return items for store credit and just use the credit for your usual grocery shopping. Finally, don't be so sure that you don't want "thing" gifts. Those are the ones that you will still treasure, and that will remind you of the people who loved you enough to give them to you, long after the honeymoon is just one trip among many that I hope you both will share. Congratulations!

    Bookmark   December 12, 2005 at 8:45PM
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talley_sue_nyc

You can also coach parents and attendants to say, when asked what guests could get you:

"well, they've got so much, but money's tight for them. So a bunch of us are going in together to give them cash so they can take a honeymoon, because otherwise they probably won't"

Then, it sounds like the idea to just give you dough comes from OTHER people.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2005 at 2:04PM
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sweet_pea10

Well said, everyone. I totally agree.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2005 at 7:04PM
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anita_co

Thanks to everyone for their comments.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2005 at 2:12PM
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