2nd Marriage

amylyDecember 30, 2007

I am entering another relationship and thinking of a 2nd marriage. However, I don't know how 2nd marriages work (?) Do people just have a wedding just like any other weddings (with wedding dresses and tuxedos, flowers and bridesmates?) Or would that be too much if that's how I want it to be?? The man I love (my ex-boyfriend) has never been married yet and I was married once with a child of my own.

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nancylouise_gw

If you are just entering a relationship don't you think it is a bit early to be thinking of marriage? But if you must, usually 2nd weddings are lower key then firsts. At least the ones I have been to. Wedding suits instead of wedding gowns, less attendants, smaller crowd, etc. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   December 30, 2007 at 9:22AM
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sweet_pea10

As Nancy Louise said, a second marriage is usually a bit smaller than a first wedding unless your first wedding was a trip to the court house. You can wear a wedding gown, but it should be a simple dress without a train or elaborate detail and you wouldn't wear a veil. The men wear tuxes or suits; bridesmaids, if any, usually wear tea length dresses, not long ones. You wouldn't have a huge wedding party unless they are your children.

The primary issue is the length of time between the two marriages. If your family and friends attended an elaborate wedding for you just a few years ago, you wouldn't invite the same people to another big bash. If you have been single for a number of years, however, your family and friends will probably be happy to celebrate with you. The primary thing to keep in mind is that it shouldn't be an "over the top" affair, but rather a tasteful event that celebrates the beginning of your new life.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2007 at 3:13PM
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scarlett2001

Wise and correct advice, but people do just about anything they want today. My brother had the big white wedding, divorced and both he and his ex had second big splashes because they married first timers who wanted the whole enchilada. I've even seen people renewing their vows who did a $40k rewnewal ceremony. I had my second wedding as a very small private affair and got flack from everybody for not inviting them! So go figure.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2008 at 3:44PM
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gellchom

When I got married, my mother told me, "I hope you two stay married forever, but if you don't, just remember -- the number of marriages is up to you; the number of weddings is ONE." ;-)

I agree; one big, traditional wedding is plenty -- irrespective of who pays, and especially if the first wedding was not a zillion years ago. If you had a huge dress and a group of attendants once, I wouldn't do it again -- I'd have a small event or a destination wedding.

The problem here, though, is that it would be HIS first wedding. If he or his family really, really wants a big wedding, I would do it. You can still avoid looking like you are "playing bride" again by not having lots of attendants -- having your child(ren) only is perfect -- and not wearing a traditional wedding gown and veil this time. Just wear a smashing dress and carry flowers.

In other words -- you can do it up big a second time if you want to, but make it a different KIND of big. Know what I mean?

But I agree with the other posters -- if you are just starting this relationship, talking about weddings so soon is probably a good way to make sure there won't BE one!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2008 at 4:38PM
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sue36

When I got married a second time (it was DH's second as well) I did what I felt was right. Our families are very intertwined (he cousin is my oldest friend, my best friend is married to another of his cousins, I've know his parents and aunts basically my entire life, we have friends in common), so we wanted to celebrate with our families. We had about 110 or so people. We were married in a church and had a fancy reception (live band, photographer, bridesmaid and ushers). My father walked me down the aisle (he would have been heartbroken otherwise). The only things I did different from a traditional first wedding was (1) I didn't wear a veil (I wore a small tiara instead), (2) we didn't throw a bouquet or do the garter, (3) we didn't do the corny introductions. I didn't do those things because I didn't want to, not because I felt I couldn't or shouldn't. I wanted it to feel like a fancy party attached to a wedding ceremony.

Our first wedding were ancient history to us (divorced over 7 years). That may be a factor. Also, there were no kids.

    Bookmark   January 15, 2008 at 4:58PM
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