Avoiding the 'crash pad' syndrome.
O.K., SD-18 has graduated, moved out of our house and into BM's about 3 weeks ago. SD has since strolled into our house twice around 3 a.m. to sleep. I told DH that the behavior was not "cool" with me because she woke me up (on work nights) both times she came in. DH sleeps like a rock, so it didn't affect him. DH (in his typical manner) asks me what I think we should do about it. I said that if she wanted to stay the night at our house that:
1.) She must call ahead so we know she's coming
2.) If she wants to come "visit", she needs to come and spend time WITH us
3.) She's to be in the house before 10 p.m. if she stays during the week, so as to not wake anyone up in the middle of the night.
Does any of this sound unreasonable?
I do understand this is a big transition for SD. I don't want to make her feel that she's not welcome, but I also don't want her using our home as her "crash pad" because she doesn't feel like driving back to BM's after seeing her boyfriend (he lives a lot closer to us).
SD called her Dad on Sunday and asked if her and her girlfriend could come to our house to take showers (because they were out all night) and SD didn't feel like driving all the way back to BM's house. OF COURSE, instead of simply telling her "no", DH asks me my opinion.... I told him "no", her not feeling like driving back to BM's was not a good enough reason for her to shower at our house... She chose to move out, we didn't force her out. I feel she needs to live with her decision. DH ended up telling her "no" about the shower thing, but had to throw into the conversation "well, have you thought about moving back here?" I confronted DH about saying that to her, and he said SD's response was "I've been thinking about it". I told DH she was only saying that to try to manuever him, and that he need not be playing her game because that's all it is. Keep in mind, DH and I have agreed she wouldn't be living under our roof again unless she has a job (and she is still not working).
Soooo, after all that said, we had SD's graduation party at our house on Saturday. BM showed up, and that's o.k. because it was planned. I was talking to BM about SD's problem with the drugs and such. BM tells me she's going to make her daughter take the home drug tests to try to get her to stop using... I asked BM "so what if your daughter refuses to take the test?" BM says "then I tell her to get out". OH BOY... just what I didn't want to hear. Not that I should be suprised, but geesh... BM is working as a drug & alcohol counselor now, and that was her response to her own daughter? OH, WOW... Can I get a break?