questions about my daughter's wedding

marie47November 12, 2008

Hi

My baby girl is FINALLY getting married in the summer of 09. I am really excited for her. So with all the planning we have to do. I asked her who her maid of honor was going to be? Well, she is undecided. She was talking to her cousin about this and her cousin suggested that she ask me (I'm her mom). We both didn't think we could do that because we've never heard of a mother being the maid of honer before. So after talking to my daughter about this today I thought it would be a good idea to see what others thought about this. Because I am her mother. But she said that I really am her best friend and that's who is suppose to be by her side. (aaaaahhhh) yeah I know, makes you want to cry. Trust me when she was little she was NOT my best friend!...lol....but now that she's grown up she really is a best friend. We talk about everything and are extreamly close. So, should I sit on the side lines with her father and do my crying? Or, should I tell her that I would be thrilled to be her maid of honor and cry right along side her? Oh, and she has another question! Wants to know if her mother and father can give her away together?

Thanks for your help, I'm sure I will probably have more questions at some point....lol

Marie

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sweet_pea10

That is so sweet. If your daughter really wants you to be her matron of honor (a maid of honor is a single young lady), then go for it.

As for both parents walking her in, that is very common. If you are the MOH, then you would escort her in then take your place beside her.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2008 at 5:40PM
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marie47

Thank you Sweet Pea this really helps!

    Bookmark   November 12, 2008 at 6:32PM
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gellchom

It would be fine for you to be her maid of honor. But it would also be fine for both you and her dad to walk her down the aisle.

In a Jewish wedding, the bride's parents both walk her down the aisle, and they stand next to her during the ceremony (the groom's parents do the same for him). Maybe your family would like to do that. Then she can have it both ways: have you right there at her side, and also have another maid (or man -- does she have a brother?) of honor.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2008 at 10:29PM
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snickerdoodle564

Of course you can be your daughter's Matron of Honor!! I'll be asking my brother to be my Man of Honor, and I want both of my parents to walk me down the aisle. I figure they both raised me and helped me be the person I am, so why should my father only get to walk me?

    Bookmark   November 17, 2008 at 12:46AM
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silversword

I think that would be lovely. I was MOH at my step-mother's wedding to my father and it was a big honor. I think it's a beautiful gesture and testimate to your relationship that she asked you. I like the idea of both parents standing up there with you too. And she can have more than one bridesmaid, and have a Maid and Matron of Honor, so she should be able to honor as many people as she likes in her wedding. Congratulations!!

    Bookmark   November 17, 2008 at 11:41AM
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sweeby

What a lovely tribute to your relationship! It speaks volumes that she would want you to fill this very special role.

But IMO, you already have a Very Special Role as MOTB and also a Very Big Job helping her put together the wedding. If you're having the whole traditional shebang, then the MOH also has a pretty big job, and the two jobs together would be enough to drive most women over the edge. In fact either job alone is frequently enough to do the trick!

Can you really see yourself throwing her the bachlorette party? And there are ettiquette issues that come into play if you want to throw her a shower. And would the other bridesmaids your daughter's age have as much fun with a 'parent' always around?

Just points to consider. But if the wedding isn't going to be one where the above considerations apply, then just relax and enjoy your dual roles.

    Bookmark   November 17, 2008 at 4:16PM
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sweet_pea10

From an etiquette standpoint, the MOH does not have to plan the bachelorette party or a shower. Any bridesmaid, close friend, or in the case of a shower, aunt or other relative can do it. However, you do make a good point that, particularly at the bachelorette party (though they are becoming tamer), some of the invitees might feel a bit strange with a mom there.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2008 at 6:54PM
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gellchom

sweet pea is right. It is lovely that your daughter asked you to be maid of honor -- but that doesn't mean that you have to or should participate in everything that the bride and her buddies do, especially barhopping or strip club bachelorette parties! Just like it would be sweet for a girl to ask her dad to be her date for a dance -- but creepy for them to go with a gang of her friends in a limo and get drunk.

Being an attendant doesn't require your attendance at all partying. She wouldn't include a pre-teen junior bridesmaid, either.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2008 at 7:48PM
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mary_md7

I think it's lovely for both parents to walk with a bride and for the mother to be the matron of honor. Another attendant (if any) of friend of the bride or mother can give a shower if they wish.

As far as I know, etiquette has nothing to say about bachelorette parties which are a very recent and totally optional event.

    Bookmark   November 21, 2008 at 7:33AM
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lowspark

Interesting thread. I've never heard anyone question if it was ok for a groom to pick his father for best man, and it happens all the time. So how is that any different from the bride picking her mother as MOH?

When it comes to a wedding, I think "rules" such as who can serve as attendants, what an attendant's duties are, etc, are totally flexible, or at least they SHOULD be.

    Bookmark   November 21, 2008 at 11:09AM
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sheilajoyce_gw

My son-in-law's family has the groom's father as best man traditionally. It was really sweet, though I felt sorry for his mom sitting alone in the first row on the groom's side, but that was her choice.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2008 at 10:26PM
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chaplainkent

I officiate at many weddings. One suggestion I always make to the couple is to have both sets of parents included in the beginning of the service in place of the old "giving away" ceremony. The officiant can ask a question such as if the parents are wiling to support, love and honor the marriage or something like that. I have also done many ceremonies where both the father and mother walk with the bride down the aisle. And for you grooms I have done ceremonies where the groom walks down the aisle with his parents. There is nothing cast in stone. The ceremony is for you and the family and Friends. Good luck and congratulations.

Here is a link that might be useful: Travelling and Cooking With Grandpa

    Bookmark   December 16, 2008 at 2:43PM
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susie53_gw

We just went to a wedding that the Father was best man for his son. We thought it was wonderful. Father and son are very close. It was one of the simplist wedding we have ever been to. Neither family has loads of money and they made do with what they had. The girls wore simple white sun dress. The men each wore Tan colored pants with different color polo shirts. The girls ribbons matched the guys shirts. The moms wore simple tan shirts with yellow shirts. They wore sandles. They made all the food them selves, decorated an old building with lights, candles and balloon. It was so neat. Everyone had a terrific time...

    Bookmark   February 6, 2009 at 4:16PM
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