Step-daughter to marry next year

cuddlepooNovember 28, 2007

Hi all, I'm a step-mom to a young lady that will marry next year. There is no relationship between hubby and his ex at all, and I guess in a way that makes me nervous as to how all will act during the wedding. They don't even talk. Not like they fight, there's just no contact at all. Ex has never been mean or tried to make trouble, but I just worry about a 'tension' with all of us together. Will SD feel she needs to ignore me with mom there? SD and I get along great, but to me this is such a big day for her mom I almost feel like an intruder. Is this silly? Can some step families chime in with their experiences? Am I just imagining the worst? I tend to be a worrier.

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sweet_pea10

If it were me, I would tell the step-daughter that you want to be supportive of her and ask how she would like you to be involved in helping with her wedding planning. Let her know that you are there for her, but you don't want to overstep. She may not be sure how to balance her mother's involvement and yours until she spends some time thinking about it. It is reasonable that she will want her mother to be involved and possibly more involved than you are if they are close.

Whether there is tension between you and her mother will depend on how you treat each other when you meet. If you are cordial to her, things should be fine. It is possible that the two of you will become friends.

You are fortunate to have a lovely step-daughter with whom you have such a good relationship.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2007 at 5:55PM
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duckie

Don't worry about it too much. DH and ex will probably spend the day pretending the other doesn't exist. This will only cause tension if anyone wants them to actually interact.

I think your most important job will be to help ensure SD has a stress free wedding. This will prbobably mean helping her ahead of time as she requests, then taking a back seat on the day of the wedding. Keep in mind, it is ok if she ignores you on her wedding day. That might be the way she manages to keep the stress level of it all down. It won't mean she doesn't care about you, just that she cares about this day being stress free more so.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2007 at 8:24AM
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mary_md7

My stepdaughter got married three years ago, and my DH and his ex do not communicate. We said hello to ex and her DH and otherwise had no interaction with them at all. We had our photo taken with the couple, etc., and it was a very nice day.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2007 at 12:56PM
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imamommy

duckie's right, if it were me, I would do all I can (that she wants) to help her with planning etc. but during the event, be gracious and stand back. Your SD will know the role you play in her big day, even if nobody else does. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. There is only going to be tension if you allow it to become tense. Perhaps you could speak with her mom and let her know that you are looking forward to seeing her at the wedding, let her know you would be happy to help with anything. If that's not possible, then just be gracious and do what you must to make sure your SD has a stress free day.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 6:17PM
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