Two dresses..

jill1273November 11, 2009

I have a dilema..I bought a lovely bridal dress many months ago, didn't tell anyone, and it's currently being tailored..I did this because it"s such a personal choice, I loved the dress, and I really wanted to pay for it myself. Since then my mother and sister have voiced their unyielding desire to dress shop with me, do the oh's and ah's at the bridal store, and not to do so would crush them. So I did, and we found a beautiful dress that is also nice..Problem is I have dress 1 under construction, my wedding is two months away, and the second dress is gonna arrive 2 weeks before wedding! Do I cancel the alterations on dress 1 and save the money, or finish it just in case dress 2 comes in late and be out about $300? Thanks for any help..

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mary_c_gw

Well, I hardly know what to say. It is a dilemma, but of your own making.

You lied about the first dress and bought a second. Return the second dress, get your money back. You won't get anything for the first dress if the alterations have been started.

Possibly a sweet impulse on your part to take them shopping, but I still think it was pretty stupid not to tell them you'd already bought your dream dress.

    Bookmark   November 11, 2009 at 4:51PM
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sweet_pea10

I agre with Mary_C. Return the second dress while you can and get your money back. You can't return the first dress once alterations begin and you may not be able to return the second dress since it was special-ordered for you. You need to be honest with your mother and sister and tell them what you did, unless, of course, you can afford to lose the cost of one of the dresses. There is a good possibility that the second dress will also need alterations and there may not be time to accomplish that after the dress arrives. If so, you wouldn't be able to wear it anyway.

    Bookmark   November 11, 2009 at 6:35PM
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asolo

Eat the $300 and wear the dress you bought with your mother and sister. Don't tell them about the first one. You'll wear your dress for a few hours one day. Your family ties trump all, IMHO. Honor them, not a piece of cloth.

And take heart via knowing this is an error that doesn't lend itself to repetition.

    Bookmark   November 11, 2009 at 7:52PM
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gellchom

I'm with asolo. You like both dresses, so get the one you bought with your mother and sister. I think in the end you will be happier when you look back and when you see pictures. If it were me, and I went with dress 1, there would always be a little cloud over it.

But I don't know them. Maybe they would have a good laugh with you if you came clean and told them what happened and asked them to look at dress 1 and help you choose between the two -- sort of starting over. I'm guessing from your post, though, that you fear they would be hurt that you went shopping without them first. Actually, I think many people would be more hurt by your not trusting them enough to tell them in the first place. But again, I don't know them.

Anyway, asolo is very right: a wedding gown is just a dress, a piece of cloth you wear one time for a few hours. Family is precious and irreplaceable. Let it be a secret gift you give to them, and I think it will make you love dress 2 all that much more.

And then you won't even have to tell them! :-)

    Bookmark   November 11, 2009 at 10:49PM
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jill1273

Thank you everyone for your input..I would like to say that I didn't intend to mislead my family. I guess I was going on my past shopping experience, they get frustrated easily with me cause I have different taste and I like to shop around, so I figured buying a dress myself would actually be easier on them. They would definatly not be happy if they found out there is another dress. Mom is already nit-picking with all the little details of the wedding..she would take it too personally..Plus, when we did go shopping, they kept putting me in all the gown style/colors that they liked..

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 12:46AM
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gellchom

I can see why you didn't want to shop with them, and I can see why you wanted to avoid telling them that. I think you now see that keeping it a secret from them -- especially to the point of going shopping with them later and buying another dress -- just made a bigger mess than telling them in the first place. That's how we learn -- from experience.

But I do think you are kidding yourself a bit when you say you "didn't intend to mislead [your] family" and that you "figured buying a dress myself would actually be easier on them." I think that if you are honest with yourself, you know that you didn't do it for their benefit, you did it because that was your preference, and you "misled" them about it to avoid hurting their feelings and embarrassing yourself. BUT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! It may just be a piece of cloth you wear for a few hours, but it is a personal decision and you are entitled to choose what you like and to have a pleasant experience doing it. You just did it in a way that, despite your intentions, actually undercut your desire to serve your very legitimate ends and not disappoint them, too.

I didn't write that to try to punish you or "teach you a lesson." Here's why: if you ever do tell them about this (as you will need to if you go with dress 1), I caution you against telling THEM that you were really just trying to make it easier for them and you didn't intend to mislead them. That will just make it worse, believe me. If you tell them what happened, be honest and just tell them you are sorry you handled it that way and that you hurt their feelings.

Good luck!

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 12:52PM
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jessyf

(asolo? Dude, WTF are you doing on the Wedding forum? ROFLMAO, post away, I always read what you write!)

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 12:54PM
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asolo

I post wherever I like. Don't you?

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 1:46PM
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jessyf

Yeah, I'm just amused that a single guy would post here. I understand appliances (we all have them) and caregivers (your mom, bless your heart)...but hey, whatever rocks your boat (collective 'your' - I lurk on the stepfamily forum, even though I'm in an intact marriage). Keep on posting - I can't tell you how many threads I read where I say 'WHERE IS ASOLO or Sweeby' across GW. Just funny to find you here. Come to think of it, they could really use you over on the Stepfamily Forum, while you are all over GW.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 2:24PM
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asolo

I have some experience with weddings -- my own and others. I have none with steps.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 2:57PM
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jill1273

I appreciate eveyone's help..both male and female perspectives..and thank you gellchom for being politely
honest..I do appreciate it..I'm going to go with the 2nd
dress..I do like it too..I'm just wondering if I should stop my alterations on dress #1, just in case dress #2 doesn't come in..having it arrive so close is making me
very nervous..I know I'm going to lose the money, but I think I'll feel better knowing I'll have something to wear, no matter what..

    Bookmark   November 12, 2009 at 5:14PM
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nancylouise_gw

Do you have the finances to keep both dresses? I've heard of the bride having a dress for the wedding itself and then changing at the reception into a less formal dress. If it is too late to stop the alterations on the first dress and you are going to have to pay for it anyway, wear it. It will be there also just in case the 2nd dress doesn't arrive in time. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   November 13, 2009 at 7:00AM
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