Vow Variations

dian57November 14, 2004

My son and his fiance met with the minister yesterday. The wedding date is 5-20-05. She sent them home with a Bible to read the wedding section and review the vows. She told them they also had the option of writing their own vows.

My FDIL asked me if there was somewhere she could go to read through different vows; she isn't comfortable writing them herself and neither is my son.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance, Dianne, MOG

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Have they tried doing an internet search? Many wedding sites have areas in their forums where couples post copies of their vows. One such site is www.foreverwed.com. They might also look at www.theknot.com.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 11:12AM
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I searched on the knot.com. also through the wedding invitation sites they give you so many variations, pages and pages of it, that you can easily mix and match...

    Bookmark   November 19, 2004 at 1:50PM
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Froggy, you mention searching through the invitations, but Dianne asked about vows. Did you happen to check that section as well?

    Bookmark   November 19, 2004 at 3:22PM
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yes, when you get to the inscription on the wedding invitations they give you "ideas' or "suggestions" to use in your or as your vows. It was something I ran accross once I have to look again I'm not sure which site i saw it on. You can always google it...but I think just say what comes from your heart...lol, as corny as it may be I really thought the vows they had in teh movie american wedding were great, in terms of being from the heart, and totally honest and really very personal that only the bride and groom understands...I'm not saying use those exact words, but their point was that if you are doing personalized vows to make it just that, personal!

Good luck with that.

    Bookmark   November 21, 2004 at 3:11AM
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We wrote our own vows (well, I, the bride, did). There are lots of books out there that have variations on vows. I'm sorry, it's been a year and a half since we were married and I can't remember the names of the books (I know, not very helpful), but I went to Barnes and Noble and spent a couple of hours one evening looking at the wedding books. There are several there that have alternative vows. Also, though it's not a vow book, Robert Fulghum wrote a book on the ceremonies in life (births, weddings, deaths, etc.) that is very good as an inspiration about how to do it differently.

Though it is some work, I would highly recommend that they try at least to write their own vows. It will make their ceremony unique, and therefore, memorable to them as well as to their guests, it will help them think through what they really want to vow to each other (not all vows are appropriate in all cases) and it will help them realize how important this is in their lives (not like they don't, but there was something about taking the responsibility of vows that justs cemented the whole experience to me. Even now, I know what I said and what it means to me, it keeps me grounded and on the right path.

And, hey, if they both just sit down and write what they feel, that's a first step toward writing their own vows. It doesn't have to be perfect, or even good, but it is a good way to define what's important.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2004 at 7:28AM
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We wrote our own, when I/we sat down to do this, I/we were clueless as to what to write. I think I started looking at cards he had given me for inspiration, it ended up that we found parts from those cards that would fit. We wrote down the ones we liked, then arranged them into something that would make sense. We read the vows togather- it was much easier that way, even though our wedding was very small. I printed the vows on pretty paper from Staples, 3 copies, then put them in one of those see through report covers so they wouldn't get ruined. Here's our vows, so you get an idea of how it was put togather.

SAT. NOV. 10, 2001

You and I are connected in a way that goes beyond romance,
beyond friendship, beyond what weÂve ever had before.

YouÂre the one I want to love forever, the one I want to wake
up with every morning and snuggle with every night.

You are the one whose hand I want to hold when IÂm afraid,
whose shoulder I want to lean on when I need support.

You are the one I want to encourage to make your own dreams
come true, the one I want to comfort when you need a
source of strength, the one I want to hold close always.

You are a part of everything I think and do and feel, and with you
by my side, I believe that anything is possible. You are the one
love, who has moved my heart to soar to new heights.

When I tell you I love you, I want it to mean more than when
anyone else in the whole world says it I want it to mean
that your happiness is everything to me, that youÂre
more important to me than anything else in my life.

When I tell you I love you, I want it to mean that youÂre a part of me
and IÂm a part of you, that no matter what happens in this world,
weÂll be together, forever, sharing our lives and our happinessÂ

Deep in my soul, I know that our relationship is a rare gift, one that
will bring us extraordinary happiness all through our lives

These things and many more, have made me understand that
this is a once-in-a- lifetime, forever connection that could
only exist between you and I

I want our togetherness to grow and to last
beyond today, beyond tomorrow, beyond forever.

You are the love of my life Â
I will love you, today, tomorrow and always!!!

    Bookmark   December 10, 2004 at 5:30AM
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Sue, Your vows are beautiful and very personal.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2004 at 12:26PM
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One thing about vows: if they are to be legally binding, many states REQUIRE that the say something about "becoming husband and wife." Not just "I love you so much" but "now I promise to be your spouse" "now we are married" or something else that's EXPLICIT.

And your FDIL doesn't HAVE to write her own vows. Many people find great comfort is saying the vows that so many other people have said before. I did--I work in publishing, and I'm sure I could write my own vows. But I didn't have anything phenomenal to say, and I actually *wanted* to say the same words that my parents said, my grandparents said, etc. (we all married in the same church body, so the same "book of general prayer" was used)

I think if she doesn't feel comfortable writing them herself, that could be a sign that she should go w/ the tried and true.

    Bookmark   December 16, 2004 at 3:11PM
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I'll second Tally Sue's message. I've heard some beautiful vows that people have written themselves, but never anything as beautiful as "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health ....

And I'm not even a traditional sort of person.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2004 at 10:08AM
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