dislike stepson - need help to save my marriage
I found this site my googling "I hate my step." As I read I discovered I was not the only one that felt this way about their stepson.
I am a loving and caring person, so it is hard for me to say, "I hate" someone, but I cannot stand my stepson.
My stepson is 15 years old. His father has had full custody of him since he was 2 years old. His mother came in and out of his life until about 4 years ago when she completely disappeared. She has been with another man for over 10 years and they have two girls together. He lives with us full-time. My husband has no family locally. I have my whole family locally. In addition, neither my husband nor I have very many friends. Therefore, we spend all of our time together, which is fine. However, my stepson has only one friend because other kids cannot stand him. He is disrespectful, dishonest, annoying, and childish for his age, etc. He is lucky he has the one friend. What that means for us is that he is around ALL the time.
My stepson does not do drugs or drink. However, when my husband and I started to date five years ago he would lie to us all the time and steal. My husband (BF at that time) was completely unaware that his son was stealing, lying, not doing his homework, etc.
I put an end to that. He had chores, homework time, and we had a direct communicating with his teachers. Everything was going well; my husband was finally realizing what he needed to do to raise his son. He now had a partner to share the raising with. My husband and I dated for almost a year before we got married. He was married before and so was I, so this was our second marriage. I never had children and still do not have any of my own. We got pregnant once, but had an abortion. We were not ready to have a child at that time. Too many issues with raising the stepson.
As the months went on it became harder and harder with my stepson. My husband got more and more frustrated with him. He deals with things for a little while, and then says, "F... it, if he wants to be that way let him. If he does not want to do his homework, and then let him fail, etc." I am not like that. I keep trying and trying. My stepson does not listening to us. He is very disrespectful. He constantly says, "I forgot" when asked why he did something we have told him many times before to not do. He is constantly leaving stuff around the house, he is lazy (will not even feed himself), etc.
Because I keep trying to raise my stepson by setting rules, helping with school work, taking him at times to do things, etc. and my husband parents by convenience IT HAS PUT A WEDGE BETWEEN US. We no longer make lover, laugh with each other, etc. We sleep in the same bed, go on trips together, but there is not much more than a friendship left. I have remained because I love him. I believe in 3 years when my stepson graduates from high school and I kick him to the curb, that my husband and I will have the relationship we once did. When my stepson used to go to see his grandmother in Vegas for the summer, we used to have so much fun together. Now she lives in Germany, so he is always around. We never get a break. In addition, I do not feel it is fair to constantly have my mother or brother watching him. They need a break from him as well.