Wedding vow questions

debbiep_gwOctober 29, 2007

I haven't attended a wedding in a very long time so I don't know if this would be considered common or uncommon.My daughter was telling me about a wedding she attended over the week-end,it was for her future brother-in-law.The grandfather which is a preacher married the couple.Only the groom said the vows.Is this a common practice now?It was not planned to be that way either as when the bride walked by my daughter she said"well maybe you'll get to say your vows"my daughter is getting married 2008 and the grandfather is suppose to be doing the ceromony for them also.I was just wondering if anyone has attented a wedding where this has happened,for all I know it could be a common practice now...Debbie

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gellchom

Was it a Jewish wedding? Doesn't sound like it, if it was performed by a "preacher," but maybe it was modeled on the traditional Jewish ritual, which only requires the groom to say something (it requires LOTS of things, but I mean only he has a formula that must be recited). In many, perhaps most, congregations today, the bride also says something, but it's a later addition and not technically required by Jewish law.

    Bookmark   October 29, 2007 at 2:46PM
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sweet_pea10

If the wedding was not Jewish, it sounds as if perhaps the grandfather made a mistake and forgot to include a portion of the vows. The bride's remark would further lead me to think that way. Perhaps the grandfather was nervous or is elderly and hasn't performed a wedding recently, so was stressed. If he did forget, he is probably quite embarrassed.

It is also possible that the couple wrote their own vows and gave them to the grandfather at the last minute. If they were repeating the same vow, he may not have seen the notation indicating that the bride would say her vow next, so assumed that only the groom was making a vow.

Legally, the marriage is considered legal when the officiant signs the marriage license, so it doesn't affect the legality of the marriage, but it does detract from the ceremony and the couple's expectations.

Your daughter can help prevent such a situation at her wedding by spending time with the grandfather early on, like right now, and again close to the ceremony to go over all of the details of the ceremony. At the rehearsal, ministers tend to skip over the actual vows and just highlight what will occur and where people will stand, etc. Your daughter can ask him to go through the vows and ring exchange (he could forget that as well) during the rehearsal. Then, at the ceremony if he starts to go on and she hasn't repeated her vows, she can whisper a reminder to him.

That way, he won't be embarrassed by forgetting and she will have the ceremony that she should have.

    Bookmark   October 29, 2007 at 3:19PM
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talley_sue_nyc

It's possible grandpa got confused.

It shouldn't affect the legality, as long as the intent to marry is clearly there (no "i'll love you forever" as a substitute if you're writing your own vows).

In the Greek Orthodox church (I think) the custom is for there to be no expression of vows, but the acceptance of the wedding crowns is considered part of the "verbal contract."

    Bookmark   October 30, 2007 at 2:48PM
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gellchom

Oh, I didn't read the original post closely enough -- I missed the part about the bride's aside to the OP's daughter. Evidently it was just a mistake.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2007 at 4:58PM
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diane_nj 6b/7a

In NJ, there is a statement that we have to make to solemnize the marriage. Vows are not required, but I haven't performed a wedding where we didn't do them, and each person recites them. I agree, the bride should always discuss the ceremony with the minister, officiant, etc., before the date. Also sounds like there was no rehearsal.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2007 at 11:09AM
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